Mother, Mae I?

Dirty Little, Ahem, Huge Secret | Prov 31:27

2012-01-11T16:58:00.000-06:00

This post is pretty difficult for me to right, but for the sake of having some accountability and share some truth...here it goes.

When we visited Austin in October, I noticed that my friend's house was like...immaculate. My husband said something about it to her and she said "Yeah...I'm kind of obsessive about it."
WHEW!!!
For a second, I thought I was a total slob.
I watched her clean up her kids toys as soon as they were finished with them, she wiped down her counters as she was cleaning, her dishes...I mean, WHAT DISHES? They were no where to be seen, except, well of course, her perfectly beautiful cabinets. She has two kiddos, the exact same age as mine, I just didn't get it.
"BUT, she isn't a photographer who was in the busiest season of her life, and she can take a break and get out of the house so it's not overwhelming, and she, and she...she isn't me." *eyeroll* Whatever, that's what I told myself. Over and over again.
Not long after, Eamon and I had dinner with some new friends at their house.
Same story. You couldn't see the vacuum cleaner lines on the floor, but you just knew that thing had never missed a day of being cleaned.
After we got home that night, I laid in bed listlessly, and tapped Eamon's arm [you know, that tap that says, "Hey, I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass, and I know that you are probably ALMOST asleep right now and this is probably gonna wake you up and make you think you're falling from a 30 story building, but I have something to talk about. Right now. At midnight."] After he realized he wasn't falling to his death, he gave me a very patient "....yes?"
"I think there's something wrong with me."
thinking that we were doing the weekly "Guess what fatal illness Mae has this week" game I got an "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah....why are we so messy?"
*crickets*
"Uh....are we?"
"yes, babe! We are! Why doesn't our house look like the Smith's or the Jones's?"
"Hmm...Well, we do live in apartment, ya know? We don't have any storage, you're really busy with your photography, and the kids are just messy! It's hard to keep up with them all day, no one really does that!"
WHEW!!!
See, that's what I thought. I just have a knack for picking really clean people to be friends with. Opposites attract, amiright?! *eyeroll*

So then I take pictures for these new friends of ours, sorta as just a thank you for their friendship. She loves them and asks me if she can repay me by cleaning our house while we were in Rockport.
*tires screeching*
"Uh...I mean...Is it really that bad?" She nervously laughs and acts like it ain't no thang.
I hand over the key to our apartment with way more reluctance than I thought possible.
To make matters worse, as we're leaving for Rockport, Eamon empties out our car, dumps all of everything he found in our living room, Norah has a HUGE blowout on my bed, and there's a ton of laundry that I didn't get to do that's just sitting there stinking the place up.

About once an hour on the trip I get a pit in my stomach.
"It IS that bad, Mae. She's not gonna want to be friends with you after she sees how bad it really is. You don't even have a sense of smell, you don't know how bad it smells like pee in there!"
Day by day the tension in me builds and I just don't know what to do. I bring it to Jesus and ask Him what on earth am I supposed to do about this? He simply tells me that it's time to start over. To start fresh. And it terrifies me.
I immediately remember the Proverbs 31 woman and start seeing "She does not eat the bread of idleness" Ouch...is my home a wreck because of this? Then I think back to looking at houses and remembering hearing in my head "You don't deserve this house, this house is too nice for you. You will trash it." I felt sick, how had I not realized that was the enemy keeping me under this bondage. And I just listened to him and accepted it as truth.

After some texts and emails back and forth to Erin, I was nervous to go home.
When I walked in the door, I felt like I was on an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I didn't even know that my house could look like that. From top to bottom, it was spotless. The pee trap of a couch was gone, every stitch of clothing and bedding we own was washed and put away, every thing had a home...it was [and still is] so unreal. Eamon and I were humbled, embarrassed, encouraged, and hopeful.
Almost immediately, the Lord began to instill confidence and knowledge into me. He specifically pointed out areas of my life that were causing and allowing the filth to just pile up, led me to resources to find management systems that will work for our family, and created an excitement in me and even Lily to start cleaning every day. The first few days were easy. We even took pictures of the entire house before we unpacked so that we would both know how clean the house could be and use it as an encouragement. But after about day 3, I felt the idleness creep in. Dishes started piling up, dirty clothes weren't going in their hamper, beds weren't being made, spills weren't being wiped up right away, and I kinda just got overwhelmed. Slowly I started to build momentum again, giving myself little tasks here and there to keep things up to par, but by Thursday of last week, I knew it wasn't...great. Not bad, nowhere near what it was before, but not what it could be. I took the day to wash/fold/hang all of the clothes and diapers, and room by room just, DID IT! I wore Norah and gave Lily little tasks to do. At the end of the night, I got into a bed that had been made all day, looked around my room that didn't have anything on the floor, and no clothes in sight, laid down and sighed a sigh of relief. I can do this!! I can't tell you how freeing that moment was right then. There wasn't more mess hiding in the bathrooms or closets, there wasn't a sink full of dishes, there wasn't a pee diffuser in the living room...my house was clean. ALL OF IT! And I did it! All by myself!

There are curses that have had their hold on Eamon and I that the Lord has been faithful enough to break, and this happens to be one of them. Sexual immorality was a sinch compared to this. This was harder than probably anything we've dealt with so far. I'm so grateful to be given this time that we have in our apartment to become confident in having a clean space to live in, that way when we move, it will be a much easier transition and we'll have a clean home :]
I want to encourage you to take this time in the New Year glow of hopefulness to let the Lord grab hold of the things in your life that have become too overwhelming. The things that embarrass you, that you ignore or hide away, that terrify you just thinking about them. Let God pull them out and work through you to move past it. It's going to hurt. Probably a lot, but when it's done, it's done. And you don't have that weight over you or your family anymore!

Oh, and here's something cute and completely unrelated to look at :]

Hope you all are having a great week,
Mae

2012 Book List

2012-01-10T10:51:00.000-06:00

So. Our house feel through. TWELVE days before our move in date. We were super devastated but peace came quick. I think God knew what He was doing there. I'll get into that later, but I wanted to get my reading list for this year so I can be held accountable!!

So, zero parenting books will be read this year. All they do is confuse me and piss me off anyway. I have read TWO books outside of food and babies since I graduated high school. DOS. So, I will be going back to that very immature reading level. Judge me if you must ;]

1. Bossypants by Tina Fey

2. The Hunger Games 1
3. The Hunger Games 2
4. The Hunger Games 3
5. Harry Potter 4
6. Harry Potter 5
7. Harry Potter 6
8. Harry Potter 7
9. The Hobbit
10. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? By Mindy Kaling
11. Undecided
12. Something Funny

Suggestions? Reviews? I'll probably have to fill up those last two things with homeschooling books. Oh God. For a minute I forgot that Lily starts Pre-K this year. Awesome.
Happy Tuesday,
Mae

Have Yourself...

2012-01-08T17:05:00.000-06:00

A Merry Little Christmas <3

As promised,
here is a little video of our Christmas vacation. I'm trying to upload my 366 Project pictures now as well!

Hope you guys are having a blessed New Year so far!
Here's a look at what's coming up on the blog :]
A Home For The Burkes: It's Here
Dirty ~~Little~~ Huge Secret Prov 31:27
My Ittiest Bittiest

Did you have a good weekend?!
Mae

2012. Let's Do This.

2012-01-01T23:55:00.003-06:00

Wowee Zowee.
It's been about a month since my last post. Oops.
But it's been a CRAZY month, and now it's a whole new year!

We went to Rockport and visited all of the Grandmas and Paca's [Lily's word for her grandpa's. She can say grampa, but calls them Paca. It's so funny] We were blessed with the funds to go on the trip buy friends and family and then when we got home my friends Erin basically gutted our apartment and made it sparkle. It was a Christmas miracle. And...don't tell the girls...but since we were out of town and my sewing machine didn't fit in our trunk...they, err, uh... didn't get Christmas presents from us... *crickets* Ya... I mean they got the Jesus storybook bible from us and loads of toys from grandparents, but as far as Lily was concerned, it was Jesus's birthday! I'll post Christmas video soon to prove that they weren't miserable deprived orphans, but I gotta say, while Facebook was a total pain in the ass with all of the "LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR MY KIDS!" posts ...I kinda liked just doing Jesse Tree activities and baking a birthday cake for Jesus! Our plan is to gift the girls when we move later this month [more an that later...fingers crossed] and while I know it won't be this easy when they're older, it worked for us this year!

And now it's January first!
Before I get in on what I'm gonna do this year, here's what I said I was gonna do last year :]

Make sure my friends know how much I appreciate them

Start Pre-School material with Lily after Baby comes

Keep up with my Home Planning folder better

Potty train Lily at night.

Get down to 155 lbs by the end of the year [I CAN DO IT!]

Do this devotional with Eamon. [I'm reading a Sacred Marriage right now, SO good!]

Find a church where I can feel Jesus again.

And of course, meet this little person ;]

Let's see how we did

Check! I've been picky/cautious/intentional on who I've invested my friendship in as well as what I've invested. Girls, this year has been awesome. While I knew what it was like to have girlfriends, have mature adult relationships with other women who are raising their children is TOUGH! But letting my guard down with these few girls has allowed God to teach me in amazing ways, I hope you know how much I love you and value our friendship <3
...Uh, half check? Everything I've been reading leads me to believe that Lily isn't ready for what I had planned, and won't be till after this summer, but I have started more activities with her! I really hope that this house comes through because the laundry area is big enough for a craft/classroom! So eager!
I looked at that way less than I did in 2010, and a lot of things were way more chaotic because of it
Negative, BUUUUT we have gone out several times with ZERO accidents. Pee or poop!
Sittin pretty at 152, ah thank you. Actually, this is ONLY because I can't eat any dessert or cheese covered anything because of Norah's sensitivity.
Negatory.
We went to our home church this month and...sigh...overcome with Jesus. But we have been to church every Sunday, including today for the past month+! Not the same one, but we're planning on revisiting the one we went to this morning. Lily went to Sunday school for the last 15 minutes of the sermon and... LIKED IT! No tears, just said "Kay mama, Love you, bye!" ...WHAT!? Whatever... ;]
C.H.E.C.K. Norah. My sweet, wonderful, youngest daughter. I have met her and love her like I didn't know I could. Thank you Jesus, I couldn't have asked for a better addition to our family <3

So on to 2012!

Participate and finish the 366 Project. Day one is already started over at my page just for it, I'll update it weekly with phone pics and for real pics. PUMPED. I'm very excited to see how the Lord shows me his mercies and blessings every. single. day this year. I'm ready for it Lord.
Move into a house. Like I said before, this is in the works, but just when we got the move in date, we hit a snag...praying that the Lord is working out something great.
Become the kind of supportive wife that Eamon needs me to be in order for the start of his business to happen successfully.
Become more passionate about being a respectful, honorable, loving daughter to my mother to lead by example for my girls.
Have 4 dates with Eamon. [2011 consisted of ZERO dates for Eamon and I. Not a one.]
Start Lily's homeschooling.
Grow out my hair before I get pregnant again.
Plant a successful garden.
Read 12 [non parenting] books.
Run a race.

Soon I'll post video of our Christmas adventures. Hope you all had a fantastic, peaceful holiday season. I can't wait to see what this year is going to bring!
Mae

Give Away Winner!!

2011-12-06T08:51:00.000-06:00

SO....A week later. Sheesh!
So sorry it's taken me so long to get back on here :[

I'll just cut to the chase
The Winner, of the highly coveted Muppet Movie tickets is....
*drum roll*

MARGO SNIDER!!!

Email me at maeannette@gmail.com to claim your prize sweet lady!

"Life's A Happy Song, When There's Someone By Your Side To Sing Along"

2011-11-25T10:28:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!!
I hope you have a food hangover from yesterday, I know I do ;]

Yesterday these lovely people

Invited these lovely people

to celebrate Thanksgiving with :]

Erin's little boy, Amos, is smitten with Norah.

We ate some really yummy food,

[not food, but they had the prettiest collection of these adorable Russian nesting dolls. RUSSIAN, how did Jesus know I needed some Russian loving friends?!]

tried to get Lily down for a nap

[that fuh.ailed.]

and spent some time with some really great, loving people.

Afterwards we went to the movies. We've heard about this tradition of going to the movies after Thanksgiving dinner, but never really got it. But last week when Lily found out there's a new Muppet's movie, we new this is something we had to do :]

Lily squealed and giggled and cheered "MUSSSEEETTTTSSS!!!" the minute we got to the movie theater and loved every stinking minute of it. We sat in the upper corner by the stairs so she was free to dance, laugh, cheer, clap, whatever she wanted, without interupting the movie. Watching her face light up at the movies is one of the coolest things. Oh, and she didn't have any extra diapers, but didn't have a single dribble of an accident during the movie! We were proud of her ;]

I can't tell you how much I loved yesterday, it was too awesome. The Muppets just topped it off. I feel like WE were the exact target audience. Like that was mine and Eamon's Muppet movie, you know? There weren't any creep-tastic Tim Currie's, only the most hilarious cameos ever, the humor was classic Muppets, a very cute, sweet story, gah, it was all SO STINKING perfect.

Since we all loved it so much, and my 300th blog post is coming up...

HERE'S A GIVEAWAY!!!!

I'm giving away two tickets to go and see The Muppets!

To enter: Leave a comment telling me what you were grateful for this Thanksgiving. For an extra entry, share it on your blog or facebook page and leave me a comment saying you did so.
Give away is open to anyone with a movie theater near them!!
Winner will be chosen Tuesday morning at random.

Good luck to you all! Hope you have a nice relaxing, long weekend!
Mae

One More to Go.

2011-11-16T23:41:00.000-06:00

Last night I got really excited and overwhelmed.
I was about to tell one of my friends who was having a day of remembrance that dates are always hard. Then I realized...September 19th had come and gone without me even noticing.

I suddenly got really exciting thinking that the time had finally come, I had been free of cutting longer than I had been trapped by it, but as I sit down to write this, I realize that it's only been four years since my last relapse. I mean, four years, THAT'S GREAT, but I'm not out of the woods yet. I feel like I HAVE. TO. get to five years. I have to show Satan that my life is not his to toy with, that the Lord's hope is more powerful, and runs deeper than any mind games that snake can conjure. Even as I sat to write this and realized that I had made a mistake, that it's only been four, not five years, I felt him. I felt his gloom, his imprint of disappointment that he leaves on me.
While going through the PPD that came around after Norah, I heard his seductive voice in my ear everyday. He loves it when I melt into that weak weeping woman who was in love with pain, but with support, I did not find comfort of any sort in his prickly grasp. I can hear him telling me to be wary of this next year, to fear what destruction he is capable of causing me driving me to relapse, but I recognize his familiar sneaky tone.

My heart gets tangled in knots thinking about the days where I swore I wouldn't be here, that I'd never see my wedding day, a big swollen belly, or my babies smiles. Today I am thankful for the healing that Jesus has provided for me from the life threatening self imposed sickness of depression and self mutilation. And here's to one more year. Eat shit Satan. My wrists will spill no more blood, the strength I have found in the Lord has reinforced them to hold my babies as they sleep, to hold my husband's hand in never ending support and reach out to my brothers and sisters who need His strength too.

Day One: Thankful for the growth of my business and the supernatural provision that God has given me through it.
Day Two: Thankful for fall foods, cinnamon candles, and cold fronts, creating a balanced, inviting home.
Day Three: Thankful for a husband that loves me and his girls in such a way that it makes me want to be a better wife to him and mother to our babies.
Day Four: Today I am thankful for Norah.
Day Five: I am thankful for co-sleepingDay 6: today I am thankful for laughter. My baby girl's giggles, spit takes caused by Eamon, texts that make me "lol", watchin my mama laugh on skype, all of it
Day seven: I am thankful for the desire to have an organized home
Day Eight:Today I am thankful for my best friends from high school living in DFW. Haven't been to a movie together with them in years, and tonight I get to!
Day Nine: I am grateful for Mama's Girls
Day Ten: I am grateful for house hunting with my family and getting to look for the perfect place to settle down :]
Day Eleven: I'm thankful for my Papa and my father in law. I'm grateful that they were able to come back home from Vietnam and somber that my Papa was the only one from his small town to do so.
Day Eleven: Today I am also grateful for friendship. The new friendship of a mama with a sweet and familiar heart, and the old friendships who will always remind me that it's Leo's birthday. Love you friends :]
Day Twelve: I am thankful for repeat clients. For their patience to watch me grow and their recomendations that keep my calendar full. Thank you, Jesus for this awesome opportunity!
Day Thirteen: i'm thankful for family. Blood, chosen, God given, all of it. Love my Rockport family and so glad i get to see my Thailand family today!
Day Fourteen: I'm thankful for the Lord creating a passion in Eamon for his business. I'm so honored when other knife makers and enthusiasts from around the country seek him out to do their finish sharpening :]
Day Fifteen: since we are *hopefully* finally moving into a house, we're going through all of the furniture we should keep and get rid of. Today I'm thankful that we haven't had to buy any furniture, bedding or appliances the first 3 years of our marriage.
Day Sixteen: I am grateful for God's healing.

We're going to look at a house that sounds absolutely perfect for us Thursday afternoon, if you'd like to pray for us, pray that the home is in line with God's vision of where he wants us and that we will know exactly what to do when we walk through those doors :]

Happy Thursday All!
Mae

Mama's Girl. How Awful.

2011-11-09T00:13:00.000-06:00

Gonna be a whole lotta whining in this post, with absolutely no need of a pity party, just venting. You've been warned.

" While you were judging me you should have thought 'Is it possible that she has no one else to watch after her children, leaving her as the only one to hold her child except for her husband on occasion by default?' before you said 'Oh...Mama's girl, are we?' with that look on your face. While you're at it, please raise two small children on your own with no help and get back to me before you judge my parenting techniques."

Almost said this to a near to her grave, very well intentioned elderly woman at the store recently.
It's been that pent up in me.

I've been getting that same look for months.Now this old lady didn't deserve it, and thank God I didn't actually say it, but every frikkin time I hear this, accompanied with the held tilt, eyebrow raise, and lip pierce, I have to use up every ounce of energy I posses to remain graceful.

This raising kids on our own is wearing on me y'all. It's getting under my skin.
Every time I hear a friend talk about how she can't wait for her mom/inlaw to come over and cook/clean/alleviate insanity I want to just scream.

Let me vent for just a second.
My mom has never [been able to] come over to clean my house while I take the kids to the park. [though I did have friends help me keep the house clean the week before/after Norah was born, which I am grateful for] She has never [been able to] taken my kids to the park/store/movies so I can sleep.
Eamon and I have been on three dates since Lily was born, all of them over a year ago. Three. Total. I'm not even talking about "grown up dates" or "dress up dates" or whatever it is that most couples whine about missing. I'm talking me and Eamon out of the house together, at the same time, sans children. The last date we went on was in October of last year, and that's because we were in Rockport.
Norah does not take a bottle. Both times I've left her to go work past her bedtime, she's cried non stop for four hours straight.
Eamon has made trips to Rockport by himself, so he technically has had nights away from our girls, not me. Every single night of her life, Lily has been no more than a room away.

So what do I do?
Move back to Rockport is the immediate answer. We've tried. every 3-6 months for the past two years. It's just not in the cards for us. Our family cannot survive in that place.
Make good friends and have them help you out. Well, I'm trying. BUT, when your baby doesn't drink from a bottle, you only have one car which the husband takes to work because he has a never ending bleeding toe, and a house that is apparently so disgusting because I'm so worn out of constantly picking shit up that no one wants to come here and I always have to meet them somewhere, ya. It's not going that great. I guess. I don't know.

When in Austin one of my friends was talking about how worn out she was. About how glad she was to just get a break and recoup to be a better mommy. I bet I sounded like a Grade A Snob when I said "I just can't go there" when she asked if I knew what she meant. I just can't get in that mindset of "HOW FREAKING AWFUL IS THIS RIGHT NOW?! I'm so ready for XYZ so this will be over." There is no grandma coming to pick the kids up. There is no next door neighbor watching the girls for a night. And there most definitely is no end to the "Ahh, Norah/Lily's here" in a sweet voice and then the look of "poor you" on a friend's face. And, you know, I guess there is no time for me to recoup and become a better mommy.

I'm just.
I'm just sick of it. I don't even want it to change at this point. I just want to be done being insecure about it, being defensive about it, BEING SICK OF IT. I'm so freakin grateful for the resevour of patience and contentment that the Lord has given me for over two years, but hot damn. What the heck are you supposed to do when they run dry? I mean come on. My whole family is asleep and I can't settle down because I just need to get this off my chest And I'm dreading the feeling that people will get all sappy and pitiful on me "Oh my god, you're life is so hard, you're a better mom than me, I don't know how you do it, I'd jump off your surprisingly low balcony." I don't need that.
I need..shoot, just to vent. To get an "Amen!" For someone to say "DAMN you look good wearing that small child in that Boba even though you haven't had a full night's rest in God knows how long, haven't ate good food in six months" [not true, but who's life isn't better with dairy and eggs?! WHO'S?!] and I'll give you one more, I need other moms to be more grateful for the help they have! God bless your mom's for wanting to deal with miniature you's again! They already done it once, they don't have to again!

Hmm...
I guess on Day 9, I'm grateful for my Mama's Girls. I mean, there are far worse things they could be, sister wive's for one. I'm grateful for the strength the Lord is pouring through my reluctant body allowing me to just go. To just do it. To pop these kids out, nurse em, love em, literally always be there for em, and I guess on occasion, give them a bath [add that to list of why people don't want to hang out with you AND your children, Mae. Sheesh.] And for the inspiration that said attached Mama's girls give me to write hilariously depressing blog posts about what a frustrating joke my life is. Can be. Yeah, can be.

We now returned to our regularly scheduled broadcast of puppies and pig tails. Thank you for your patience while we deal with routine maintenance.

Happy...Wednesday, yes, the clock says it's now Wednesday, fellow sleep deprived friends. Happy Wednesday.

October Made Me Thankful

2011-11-04T10:07:00.000-05:00

So it's been a month since I blogged. A month.
I took last month, which wasn't as busy as September to focus on my family.
I straightend out our finances, made some delicious food, prayed for insight into my husband's and girl's hearts, and welcomed cooler weather [FINALLY!]

Here's a video from Halloween:

I'm participating in the 30 Day Thankfulness Challenge in hopes that it will prepare me for the 365 Gratefulness project that I'd like to do next year. I think I'll post a pic and short blog here to keep me motivated.
Day One: Thankful for the growth of my business and the supernatural provision that God has given me through it.
Day Two: Thankful for fall foods, cinnamon candles, and cold fronts, creating a balanced, inviting home.
Day Three: Thankful for a husband that loves me and his girls in such a way that it makes me want to be a better wife to him and mother to our babies.

which brings us to Day Four: Today I am thankful for Norah.
This past week, while it's gotten chili, my "I never wanna let you go" instincts have kicked into high gear with Norah. Lily is my first, there are so many reasons I am thankful for her and love her in such a deep way, but Norah is...different. I fought for her, I begged and bartered and belted out for Jesus's support and strength to birth her. I've changed my entire life for her, in ways I never had to with Lily. Her sweetness is evident to everyone who meets her. Her smile melts my heart. Her adventurousness rivals that of her sister's. SHE just...ahh...she's my itty bitty.

The past two nights she has slept since her bedtime leaving me time to clean the house and edit til late at night. When I'm done, I've just scooped her up and brought her into bed to nurse and we've cuddled under the warm sheets. I debated on whether or not to share this bc of how intimate it is, but there's so much of this that is us. Sleepy, post nurse, scratched up, adorable little cheeks, eyelashes. I am blessed.

Have a great weekend y'all!
Mae

Our Weekend in Pictures: Vacation

2011-10-03T18:06:00.000-05:00

We took a mini vacation this weekend to Austin to visit friends and eat...a lot ;]

I'll edit pictures later, but here's some fun video of our trip.

Happy Monday!
Mae

Fall Fashion Week - Thursday

2011-09-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

Got one quick pic of what I was wearing today!

Why this is watermarked...I don't freakin know. But I needed to increase my chances for winning the big prize so NO time for changes ;]
Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

Shirt: Old Navy
Skirt: Ross
Necklace: Amber necklace for the win

Go check out what all these other pretty ladies were wearing this week!

Togetherness Anxiety Caused by Separation Anxiety

2011-09-29T09:39:00.000-05:00

[I've been editing ALL. WEEK. So I haven't had any time to do Fall Fashion week :[ so bummed!]

Right now I'm in the thick of it with Norah. On top of the normal six month [holy crap :[ she's six months old!] old "If you are more than two feet away from me I might die, or at least cry like I am" I'm having to constantly deal with her little cheeks :[
I actually was able to put her in her crib one night, but when I got up to get her in the wee morning, I didn't notice that when she woke up crying she scratched up her cheeks so bad her pillow case and sheet were blood stained :[ I've restricted my diet so much, it's really getting to me. It's not like when you're trying to lose weight. If I cheat, Norah suffers terribly, it's not like I just won't get to a goal any faster or something. I've lost all 30 pounds of the pregnancy plus 15 because of the diet. BUT I'm struggling because I know how wonderful real dairy and eggs are for you. Ugh. This is a constant issue in my head right now.

BUUUUT
Hopefully I'll be getting a break! We're going on a mini vacation to Austin tomorrow :]
I get to hang out with this lady

And this lady

[she's gonna kill me]

So these ladies

and this lady

and these babies

All get to hang out!
There will be lots of vegan food with a side of steak, pedicures, baby playing, hotel pool swimming, room trashing, tons of pictures and most likely a tad bit of poop and blood that follow the Burkes everywhere ;]

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!
Mae

Our Weekend in Pictures: Mama Can't Cook

2011-09-26T11:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, I can.
And I do. ALWAYS.
But I was not feelin it this weekend.
We were supposed to make pizza Friday night.

We went to the chiro's to get adjusted and afterwards, I was just not feelin messin' with dough.
SO we got Cafe Medi.

Saturday I woke up at 5:45 to play with new editing software I got [Shoot me in the face. Hate/Love this side of digital photography] Headed out to a shoot at 8, shot til 10, went to JBF [and KILLED 42 items including pjs, pants, shirts, sweaters, coats, tights, leggings, onesies, and shoes! for $140] Came home, ate lunch, cleaned house, went to another shoot at 5 shot til 7 and was like. Shit. I have to make pizza. Passed a BBQ place and was like...YES that's what I want. Called Eamon to get Lily dressed [Norah was screaming her head off with me]

ribalicious

That BBQ place was apparently the most popular place in town so we went to another and it was DAMN good. They just got done with a rush so they didn't have much left so they basically gave us a bunch of free food. It was fantastic.

This is what Lily decided to wear when she got ready for bed :]
Eamon went to get her the next morning when she woke up and found this :

Sunday we did the Central Market thing. By last night I chugged my cider before my pizza was even halfway done, put the girls to bed, and called it a night!

This week I've got to edit all of this weekend's sessions to get ready for our weekend in Austin. We've actually never taken Lily! It was supposed to be a me and Norah trip but I couldn't leave them with no car and...shh, I still have never spent a night without Lily! SO I decided to make a family trip out of it :]

I'll be back later with some Fall[ish] Fashion
Happy Monday!

Fall Fashion Week - Sunday

2011-09-25T14:24:00.000-05:00

All mom's go to the grocery store in sheer tops don't ya know... ;]

Norah & Lily are wearing
Norah [she has eczema for my non regular readers]
Bow: Made
Cord Dress: Consigned
Diaper: Peed in
Lily
Top: OshKosh Consigned
Tights: Consigned
Way frikkin cute shoes not pictured: Consigned

Today I'm wearing: [please ignore the dumb face and spit up on clothes.]
Flowers: Made
Top: Ruche gifted
Pants: Land's End gifted [these were my "one day when I'm skinny enough I'll get to wear these" pants. AND THEY'RE BIG!!!]

I'm pretty sure within the next two days my outfits are going to come to a screeching halt ;]
Happy weekend all!

Fall Fashion Week - Saturday

2011-09-24T06:47:00.000-05:00

Welp, I've followed this for years but never actually done it...

So I figured, WHY THE HECK NOT?!
SURELY I can come up with one week's worth of decent outfits. Here's outift #1 fit for Texas Fall.

Bow: Made
Shirt: Gifted
Shorts: Old Navy
Belt: Thrifted
Shoes: ~~Should be thrown away~~ Target

JUST BETWEEN FRIENDS is today! I get to go buy my lady babies lots of pretty new clothes for Fall/Winter.

Uh...

2011-09-23T11:14:00.000-05:00

I was writing about how exhausted I am...but I'm seriously too exhausted.
Back on FB, already regretting it.

This is what Norah is up to now.

You can see more of "Norah Grows" series here.

I've got shoots and baby girls clothes shopping this weekend, what about you?

TGIF
Mae

Our Weekend in Pictures: Summer's winding down

2011-09-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

Friday:
Holy smokes people, we saw The Lion King.
I was extremely excited to take Lily to see it. It was the first movie I ever saw in theaters, I was thrilled that it came back out :]

After the movie was over we walked outside to an amazing downpour. We were supposed to make pizza, but we decided to go to Freebird's instead. How can you go wrong with The Lion King and burritos? [Lily's been roaring all weekend, hilarity.]

Saturday:

While I was getting ready for a friend's birthday brunch, Lily decided to get all dressed up too ;]

Later that evening, Eamon had a [long ass] business call which left me trying to get the girls to stay quiet for THREE HOURS. So...while I was supposed to be making pizza for dinner, Eamon said we should go out. So to Southlake we went for Central Market!

Sunday:
I actually took the girls out all by myself to the grocery store, it went so smoothly! Thank you, Jesus.
I got lots of editing done, made some FANTASTIC golden chicken broth and then made pizza for dinner :]

Right as we were getting Lily ready for bed, it started pouring outside again :] Lily and Eamon went out on the stairs and watched. Gah, I love them.

I hope you all had a fantastic weekend!
Happy Monday,
Mae

Blogher? I hardly know her!

2011-09-16T11:38:00.000-05:00

So...

Looks like I'm going to be a part of the Blogher publishing network. Cool HUH?
I've been super busy editing this week but wanted to let you know that this little ol' blog's gonna get a makeover soon :]

First up will be the addition of a "Norah Grows" page :]
Go check her out, she's frikkin adorable.

Our Weekend in Pictures: Fall is Here...Almost

2011-09-12T12:18:00.000-05:00

Friday I started working out again. It's freakin tough, especially living upstairs and having to haul this thing up and down the stairs every day, but we'll see. Having thighs that don't touch might be worth it ;]

I let Lily listen to Eamon's iPod to keep her busy.

Saturday I had TWO shoots at the ass crack of dawn and when I got back Eamon went to Wichita Falls for the day. So there are no pictures to share, lol. It was long, tiring, and aggravating ;] My computer had ZERO memory on it left so I had to wait to get an external hard drive for it. Who knew my pictures were taking up 75 gigs...lalalala.

Sunday was the tenth anniversary of September 11th. My mind had been reeling all night thinking about that day, about the way my world has changed since then, what I think about the "never forget" mentality, the "us versus them" mentality...all of it. Well anyway. We got in the car to head to Central Market, as our usual weekend schedule dictates. NPR and mostly everyone else was playing different coverage of memorial services. [Go check out this week's broadcast of This American Life] So we get to Central Market and get in line at the cafe for lunch. We see the cashier standing where she usually does. Every time we come in she lights up and totally falls for Lily. She's always so nice and gives Lily special treatment :]
I noticed immediately she was having a rough day. Her eyes were puffy, her hair was kinda messy, she looked really distracted. And she wasn't wearing her Hijab.
I almost started crying for her. She almost always has it on, especially on Sunday's, but because of everyone's heightened ethnic/racial sensitivity yesterday, she wasn't allowed to keep her modesty. My heart broke for her. I thought "Would her employers make her take her scarf off if she were Jewish on Good Friday?" We ordered our food, sat down and ate. I asked Eamon if he noticed and he even said that it looked like she was having a rough day. I couldn't get her off of my mind.

I asked Eamon to get Lily started shopping while I went to the restroom, when I came out, I went back to the ordering line. When she had a minute I pulled her close and hugged her. I whispered in her I was sorry that she wasn't allowed to wear her hijab, and that I was looking forward to seeing her pretty scarves. I told her I was praying for her [safety and peace] for the day and that she was loved. She choked back tears and said "No, it's ok, I'm ok...I'll be ok. Thank you." and she went back to her station.
I know she get's looks every time we're in there and she's wearing her pretty scarves, and I know every year must be hard for her, but I can't begin to imagine what she [and other Muslims] went through yesterday. It's hard to say you wouldn't look at them or treat them differently. I mean, I DID!

At the beginning of this year, one of my goals was to be a kinder, more loving person. When I was sitting on the toilet at Central Market, I felt Jesus tell me to hug my sister, regardless of how awkward it seemed, because if He was there with me, it wouldn't be. He was right.

[Lily. Hates pictures.]

I hope you all had a lovely weekend, can you feel Autumn in the air?! It's coming soon!

Happy Monday,
Mae

Coconut, Chamomile & Lavender Soothing Scrub

2011-09-05T08:20:00.000-05:00

This is Norah. She's adorable.

And has eczema.

Many people are of the belief that eczema has undetermined origins, and that it is uncurable without the aid of a perscription. Through LOTS of research and elimination dieting, we have learned that Norah's rash comes from eggs and dairy. This particular breakout was from almost two weeks ago when I had Indian food and took a unknowing ~~abso-freakin-lutely damn good~~ bite of paneer cheese. Symptoms can take up to a week to show up and up to three weeks to calm down.
In the meantime, Norah's left with red, cracked, pusing, sometimes bloody, scabby, easily infected sores on her face :[ I've been cleaning her face with colloidal silver to prevent or cure infection, and coconut oil to sooth/moisturize. But, it just isn't enough of a soother as I'd like. Norah often is kept up at night by scratching her itchy face, so I found out that chamomile and lavender are both natural soothers. Any good quality essential oils that I've found are just too expensive so I'd given up. UNTIL I had a brilliant idea-TEA!! So last night I started experimenting after buying some tea from central market. Here's my recipe for an amazing lotion/scrub/smelly good concoction to sooth, lightly exfoliate, reduce redness and reduce swelling for your little one's rash.
Note ***I ain't got my medical degree. Or any degree as a matter of fact. Don't ever put anything on your child's skin that they have an allergy to [I do know some babies who are allergic to coconut oil], and always consult your family health care provider before making any changes in your baby's health :]

What you'll need:

Extra Virgin Organic Coconut Oil
Organic Chamomile & Lavender tea from Traditional Medicinal
spoon & bowl to stir ingredients together
container to keep your finished product in

I cleaned out an old Burt's Bees hand creme jar, but I'm sure a baby food jar or even tupperware container would work great :] Just make sure to clean it out REALLY well!

I found that for every tea bag you use, four teaspoons of cold coconut oil are needed. Sidenote- DON'T microwave or otherwise heat up your coconut oil to "get it out of the jar." Just spoon it out! Every time it heats up, it's nutritional value goes down. Coconut oil is ideal to use because of how lotion-like it already is. It will melt some while you are using it, then when it cools down in the jar it becomes solid and doesn't separate from the tea :]

Pour in your tea over your oil [I used two tea bags and 8 teaspoons of oil to fill my jar]

Stir well until there aren't any lumps in the oil and the tea looks evenly incorporated :]

Spoon into your container

Now apply to your cute little baby's cheeks and let them play. They don't have to be naked, but it's preferable for cute pictures.

Leave on...well, I just left it on her all night last night, but for this I left it on for 30 mins or so. I could tell immediately that the swelling went down, all of the dead skin was gently exfoliated, and Norah was much more settled :] I think this well be a great addition to our bedtime routine!

So try it out and let me know how it works for your baby!

Happy Monday friends! Hope you had a great weekend :]
Mae

Why Are YOU Giving Parenting Advice?!

2011-09-02T11:17:00.001-05:00

I've been meaning to write this post for a while but didn't want to step on anyone's toes or be awarded Bitchy Mom of the Year Award, and I still might, but I feel someone gotsta say it.

While at one of my Many Mommy Monthly Meetings I saw two moms that I've gotten to know in the distance talking. They both have happy, well adjusted, easy tempered kids and are pretty cool moms. I then heard one say to the other "Yeah, s/he likes it, but I've got to get him/her to stop. I was reading on 'I'm a Way Better Mom Than You' blog that s/he could end up with stunted growth" [or something ridiculous] "if s/he doesn't stop by two years." And all I could think was "...are you freakin kidding me?!? Have you SEEN her kids!?!"
It struck a chord in my heart, it irritated me deeply, nearly enraged me.
It made me flash back to Lily's pregnancy when I was listening to arguments for/against co-sleeping in the office that I worked at. Two moms were getting into it, they seemed passionate about their opposite stance, and weren't going to back down. I happened to agree with the pro co-sleeping mom and silently took her side [that's a whole 'nuther bowl of cheerios]. Not long after that she confessed to me that she used her baby to keep her husband away from her when she was too tired to have sex. WHAT?!? She was just on this tangent about what a great frikkin mom she was, for being so in tune with her family's need, but then comes back and jokes with me about "how bad" she is because she LITERALLY put her child between her and her husband. I hadn't made but a few pregnancy related parenting choices but I still asked "Why are YOU giving parenting advice?" in my head.
Fastforward to my first months of being a SAHM. I was glued to these blogs. Suddenly, I didn't know how to be a mom, but these ladies [some that I'd never even met] who have 1,000+ "blog followers" and facebook fans MUST have it figured out. It didn't matter to me that these women only had one or two kids [or that some of them were just PREGNANT, hadn't even given BIRTH!] or that their salvation was questionable at best. Suddenly, I denied my own intuition, I disregarded my gut, and forgot to bring all of my questions to God instead of leaving them in a comment form in hopes that an [often] complete stranger would answer.
It wasn't until recently that I started asking, "Why aren't the well seasoned vets with 5+ kids blogging as much? I want THEIR advice." And it hit me. Because most of them ARE PARENTING. They aren't sitting down for hours at a time every day writing about what an awesome mom they are while their kids are coloring on the walls, making pipe bombs in the bathroom, or lassoing the cat in the backyard. They know that only the important things are worth sitting down and sharing with the world.
Since this realization, I've been very intentional about who I go to with my "OH MY GOSH, IS MY BABY GOING TO DIE?!" inquiries. I have one mom with kids nearly the exact same age as my kids because if my girls are going through something, chances are, her kids have been there recently too. I also know that there are things that she is better than me at, by evidence of her kids! There's another mom who is a "newer" mom than I am. She only has one baby, a few months older than Norah, but she offers me a fresh perspective on things that I may have not thought of. Another mom I go to has SIX kiddos. They are well adjusted, spirit filled, fun kids. Their mama has obviously been doing something right! All of these mamas are God seeking, health conscience, minimal medical intervention women. I know I can go to them without questioning glares, whack medical advice, or blasphemous theories. I know that if they question me, it's to grow me, and that they have my children's well being in mind, not their ego. I also ask my mama from time to time, after all, she does know me like no one else :]

I guess what I'm getting at is this: if you are a mommy blogger, find what you're supposed to be blogging about. For about a year my blog went through an identity crisis. Am I a food blog? Am I a craft blog? Am I a parenting blog? No. I'm not. I'm supposed to be sharing what God is doing in my life in an often hilarious, sometimes tear jerking fashion. I deeply feel that if you're going to tackle something so personal and convicting as how to raise your children, you should be called by Our Father to do it. Our words are to encourage and lift one another up, not to cause your brother to sin. Worry is sin.

So long story short, this is my parenting advice on why to not listen to parenting advice ;]

Hope you're having a great week and have an awesome weekend.

I took this video of Norah last night.
There's Sesame Street in the background, dirty dishes in the sink, Lily comes in and says "FOOOOCK!" [#awesomeparenting] and Eamon share's his excitement over our daughter's poop. Just a typical night in the life ;]

Norah's Sink Bath from Mae Burke on Vimeo.

Oh, and today is day two of my Facebook detox. Only mild bouts of dry heaving and convulsions so far, but I'm doing good. Trying to not find OTHER distractions on the internet to replace facebook :]

Norah's "Nu-UH" Alarm

2011-08-22T10:10:00.000-05:00

See this cutie patootie?

Don't be fooled. Sometimes, she uses her cuteness as a weapon to ward off future siblings.
Let me explain:
Norah is a totally different baby than Lily. When Lily went to sleep at this age, she was out. We were also exclusively cosleeping, we didn't even have a crib for her yet. Life was very different. Norah actually starts off her bedtime in her own crib and I go get her later in the night to sleep with me so she can nurse. This is perfect because Eamon and I can go to bed and do the daily rundown pillow talk business without worrying about her waking up. We can talk about our dreams of going to Spain, laugh at how much I burned that night's supper, or even fight about how I was POSITIVE I threw that dirty diaper at the foot of the bed away earlier. Little Norah stays sound asleep.
UNTIL her "Mama and Daddy got somethin goin on" alarm goes off in her head.
At first we thought it was just...coincidence, but now, I think there is a "Three Under Three ain't happenin lady" reflex that is programmed into her.
Here's what happens:
Baby is sound asleep.
Mama and daddy laughin it up, brushing teeth, taking showers, flushing toilets, makin general noises.
Baby is sound asleep.
Car alarm goes off in the parking lot.
Baby is sound asleep.
Lily slams her door repeatedly to make sure we know she hates bedtime.
Baby is sound asleep.
There are pit bulls raping each other while a gang of illegal citizens bet the spoiled white kids if the pit babies will be blond or white. [possibly added for dramatic effect]
Baby is sound asleep.
Daddy starts kissin on mama...
Baby throws blanket 5 feet in the air as a result of "alarmed baby arms"
Snickering occurs.
Baby goes back to sleeping soundly.
Sheets rustle.
Baby grunts in disapproval.
Mama and Daddy start discussing why their sweet baby girl hates them so much.
Baby falls back into deep sleep from hearing parents defeat.
Mama thinks the coast is clear.
Baby is sound asleep.
Mama throws leg over daddy's.
Norah let's out a "nuh-uh-UUUHHH!!!" [not added for dramatic effect. actually happened]
Mama again wonders why she waited for marriage to have sex if it's only happened twice [drastic underestimation for comic effect]

Clearly, just thinking about it irritates her. ;]

Hope y'all had a great weekend! [don't worry, we did...eventually]
Mae

This is the part where I wait for my husband to yell at me about boundaries on the internet....blah blah blah

I Quit.

2011-08-19T15:59:00.000-05:00

Facebook.
You have one, I have one, my grandmas even have one.

When I was pregnant with Norah I gave serious thought to "Why do I have a facebook?"
Originally-

To waste time in between class/work/sleep and play games with my friends.

Not to keep in touch with family. Not stalk anyone I went to high school with. Just to play and waste time.

During the time I got married [and then pregnant]

To keep up with friends from college.
To keep up with friends from high school.
To get advice from other pregnant/married friends that I actually knew. [not random strangers on forums]
To keep up with family.

Now that I have two babies running around the house, all of the reasons above are still the only reasons I have a Facebook account. BUT. This is what it looks like.

Now

I talk about myself all day. How awesome I am, how much I suck, whatever I think will get the most comments at the time. I even mention how much other people suck, and every now and then how awesome they are. Once in a Blue Moon I talk about how awesome God is.
I have become a horrible listener. At the beginning of my marriage Eamon said I was such a good listener, and for someone like him, that was a God send. Now I feel like I only listen to "comment." I listen to add my thoughts, give my two cents. I spend my time thinking while I'm listening to what I'm going to say instead of giving my full attention.
I keep people on my page for appearances. I don't really care about what they have to say, their kids, what books their reading, or how rad they look in their new jeans. I don't want them to be mad at me for not adding them, so I just hide them. [And what the hell is up with that?! So what if someone doesn't add you! I guess because the culture has made it to where you add anyone and everyone, that if you don't add someone, OR WORSE, delete them, that means you hate them! It's absurd!]
Which, for me, leads to stalking. Say I add someone, but I don't want to make them mad, so I hide them. But every now and then I want to see what nonsense they have going on in their lives. I even joked with a girlfriend "I just keep her on there so I can go and look at the stupid shit she says sometimes." Wow. I'm not that person, but I've become that person.
I'm a very passionate, opinionated person. That and 420 characters don't always result in a pretty outcome. For instance, I recently said how I'm sick of the back handed comment "you're so brave for having a homebirth" because it doesn't encourage the mom in anyway. I've actually talked about it here before. But somehow, it got turned into a huge "Home-birth V Hospital birth V planned C-Section" debate. NOT what I wanted. How dumb am I to think that a what I say can be interpreted properly on the internet [including my blog] but especially through a filter that is the "type what you want when you feel it" of the Facebook status?
I judge people. All day long. I have less than 200 friends on facebook. On purpose. So [nearly] everyone I know on there I have met in real life. These are not just strangers! I think things like "Or you could put a shirt on for your profile picture that all of my friends see when you're on my page" and "If she went with doctor so and so, she wouldn't be having that induction" and "Good Lord, she's gained a LOT of weight since high school" and the list goes on.
I ignore my kids. True story, my kids, my household, shoot, MY BUSINESS all get put on hold when I'm keeping up with the latest vaccine debate, plot summation of the office, or waiting to see what someone said in response to my utterly hilarious comment. As a matter of fact, while I was watching the video below, deciding on what I was going to say when I posted it on facebook, Norah pooped on the floor, I covered it up with a cloth diaper, and cleaned it up when I was done watching it.
I scope out my photography competition. It's too easy. Let's be real, NO. ONE. was offering full sessions for mothers and their nursing babies as part of their business, certainly not in the DFW area. Then all of a sudden BAM. It's everyone's brand new, oh so creative idea. Suddenly other photogs in the area were getting props for ripping me off. Shoot, I've even seen photographers out there shoot my EXACT pictures...just, out of the blue?! But instead of being mature about it, I go to their page, I get fired up because of so many people talking about how gorgeous their picture is and how creative and original they are. It festers in my head like cancer, growing.

Now facebook doesn't DO any of these things to me, it doesn't make me this way or force me to do anything, but it does bring these things out in me like nothing else.
So it comes to this: I quit.
If someone gets pregnant or has a baby or needs prayer for their surgery, and really wants me to know, I'll find out. If God's doing something gut wrenchingly beautiful in my life, I'll let you know here. If Lily teaches Norah to ride Rusty with assless chaps, I'll take a picture and post it here. But it's going to take some discipline. Here are my ground rules:
I am keeping my business account because, let's face it, most of my clients love to share their pictures on their facebook pages!! : D So, Only get on to upload pictures for my clients, I can update the status there and reply to any comments up to 3 times a week.
I don't get a twitter feed on my phone, so taking the time to tweet through a text is still fine for now, but if it becomes obsessive, that gets the ax too.
Only update my blog up to 3X a week.
Only check my email in the morning and the evening.

What I can already predict is going to happen is that my friends who I love will see this and think that I'm judging them for keeping their accounts, think I'm pretintious, or just taking it too far. I will loose contact with some people, and my business may not grow as quickly.
I'm hoping that maybe I can encourage at least a few people to re-evaluate why they have a facebook. If it's working, then it's working, no need to defend yourself! If any of the above mentioned "side-effects" sound familiar above, maybe you should rethink how you're going about things :]

Blessings,
Mae

Sh*t Happens. Again. And Blood. And Boogers.

2011-08-17T15:09:00.000-05:00

There's a crap stain on the carpet from where Rusty got sick yesterday.

There's a cockroach party in our trash can that I can't conquer.

There's unanswered emails, two whining babies, a husband left unsupported, and an uninspired wife/mama/small business owner.

Today I don't want to keep up appearances, or go out of my way to make everyone happy on my own merit. I want to tell every photographer that's emailed me "I'm starting my own nursing photography too!!!" Well aren't you creative?

Which all make me want to fall on my face, beg Our Father for forgiveness, and just praise Him. Praise Him til my throat is soar and my knees can't hold me up. Without hearing babies whine or Elmo "la-la-la-la-ing". But I can't. Right?

Today is one of those days I seriously have to question whether or not I'm upholding our first and most important commandment.

I wrote that on Monday morning.
Everything got crazy and I stopped typing. While making dinner that night, Lily stuck her hand in a can of olives, got it stuck and nearly sliced the pad off of her middle finger. While trying to wrap it, I passed out...the blood. Supper's still cooking on the stove, Norah's crawling around on the floor, there's blood all over the girl's bathroom sink, Lily's freaked the eff out, Eamon's trying to pin her to get the damn gauze on her hand, and I lay there trying to snap out of it and get up but I can't. I have a shoot in an hour. Everything calms down, Eamon gets Lily everything she needs at CVS, I regain consciousnesses, save supper, do my shoot [in a Motley crew tshirt and basketball shorts. gag.] come home.
Tuesday. La-dee-da. Get errands done, have make-up on and eyebrows plucked, didn't shave my legs, but who cares, feelin good about the day. Naptime comes, Lily wakes up an hour early. Crying. Slobbering, boogering, crying. Everything is "hug" "I okay, I know, I know" cry, cry, cry. I think , "Surely, dear Jesus who loves me and all the little children of the world, she can't cry all the way to Southlake, through dinner, and grocery shopping, LET'S GO!!" As we're driving the 30 mins to Southlake, the tears are still coming, the tweets are sounding more irritated, Norah's like "What the hell is wrong with sister? Who took her booby away?" and I'm starting to think...maybe she's not just throwing a fit. We get into Central Market, order [through Lily's sobbing] sit down, and wait, while Lily insists on being held by daddy, still sobbing. Food gets to our table and Eamon ~~orders me to~~ suggests we get to go boxes and eat in the car. We do. Lily passes out in the car seat before we even leave the parking lot. Norah starts fussing. God hears me question His plan for my life and quietens her down. Eamon drops us all off at the house, Lily falls asleep in my arms, naked, watching Sesame Street. I wake her after feeling the drool on my arm [still an hour before bedtime] and she says "Mama, ni-night, fwees?" How could I say no. Pj's on, tucked in bed. As we're saying prayers Lily nods and "Yeth, mmmhhhmm"s to my desperate plee to Jesus in asking to break her gums and bring forth pearly whites. Norah and I play til daddy gets home. Dad's home, we're all pooped, Norah decided to play "Norah the Explorer" in our bed, gets some milk and finally goes to sleep.
The rest of the night was "waaAAAAAAHHHHH, MAMA!!!!"
*put shirt back on* "coming sweetie"
"I' hurts, mama, hurts!"
Lay in Lily's bed, get her to sleep, remember I have another baby back in my bed that will eventually need nursing.
Go back to my bed, hear the crying, see creepy baby figure in doorway, invite said creep figure into my bed, get woken up 30 mins by pain screaming, followed by puke.
Clean up, fall asleep, wake to screaming and "I be ri' back" from Lily. She does be ri' back, crying because she's tripping over the small selection of Linens & Things that she is carting into our room as she ~~prepares a tent for Jesus' homecoming~~ gets her stuff in our bed.
Barf, rinse, repeat.

'Tis now Wednesday.
I've got a fire roaring in my belly and a sleep deprived brain that can't accurately articulate my thoughts. What do I do? Apparently let it spew all over the innocent bystanders of the internet with disregard to who it burns.
No pictures today folks. Just a poop stain on the carpet, a baby with a finger condom and a rambling, half insane mama.

Heat Wave

2011-08-04T09:35:00.000-05:00

Y'all, someone left the door open to Hell right under Texas.
It was 115 yesterday. One fifteen people. As in ONE. HUNDRED. FIF. TEEN.
We're not allowed to have window units in our upstairs corner apartment [read, surrounded by the sun] so in the evenings it gets up to about 90. People keep talking about rolling blackouts being planned and my husband said that if that happened, he was getting off work and taking us to the mall or something. We will straight up die if we don't have AC. With our ac cranked it gets up to 90, with out it? I'm sure it'd be hotter than 115. On the news they were talking about a family that fully a bird and veggies in their car. I kid you not.

Every day I just want to strip down to my bones and lay in the tub, because the TUB is cool. Once you start putting water in it, it's warm. Yep, there hasn't been cool tap water for who knows how long. Lily and Norah have been naked.

Here's some link love for ya:
PLEASE help donate to Evelyn and Adeleine
My 4 month old can crawl. True Story.
Chelsea from Us Three Birds just welcomed her sweet baby at home! WOOT VBACs!

Hope your week's been going...well, a lot cooler than ours!

A Home For The Burkes: How God is Like a Bunch Of Hot Air

2011-07-21T09:17:00.000-05:00

See that curvy woman to the left there? For the past three years she's been raising her hands in the most dramatic way possible yelling at God "WHY HERE?! Where do we belong?"

See this honey eye'd babe? Every week we go to Central Market with her. She gets a purple or green balloon [usually purple] once we get to the produce section. She has it secured to her wrist and proudly shows it off to anyone who notices at the store. Every week after being in our home for a few days, the helium escapes the balloon and the balloon floats across our floor til I decide it's time for the trash. Sometimes it's already popped by the time I get to it. Have you ever tried to stretch out a balloon to make it look like it did when it was inflated? Can't be done.

A few days ago I found Lily's popped balloon, stretched it over my knee and started pulling every which direction, trying to make the CM logo look like it had before when it was full of air.

We had an amazing opportunity this month to find someone to take over our lease, move into a friend's house for a month, rent free, then move into our own rental home in September. We've done everything we can think of to try and get out of this place, to make things progress. To inflate our dreams.

As I'm stretching out this balloon [aka, playing with a piece of trash] I think "This is never gonna look the same unless it's whole and there's helium in it." Then I kinda feel God roll his eyes and say "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!" It all hit me right then, while examining the logo from all angles, Eamon and I can tug and pull and push our dreams into existence, but it will never be the same as if we let God start off with his plan, whole, and he fulfills them.

While in the DFW, the Lord has provided us a place to nourish our babies. How foolish am I to think otherwise... He brought me to women who know how a woman's body works and who helped me welcome my girls into the world. He's brought be true friendships that were worth the wait. He's provided Eamon jobs when there were none. He's given me a calling into a career that is becoming fruitful. Even since telling us that we are to stay here to the end of our lease, the management changed [again] Biggie Smalls and his possy have been evicted and they started cleaning up the apartment complex. I feel rewarded, loved, like He's proven Himself when He didn't have to.

Right now, our home is in this apartment complex. Soon, I'm certain our home will be in the Mid-Cities of the Metroplex, not Rockport. I feel like we've been faithful in exploring each avenue the Lord has pointed us to and where ever we end up, he's gonna take care of us.

Thank you to all of you who have been praying for us along the way. We love you very much.

Mae

Breastfed Baby, Stick Around For the Show

2011-07-20T10:11:00.000-05:00

Today I'm featured over at The Mommypotamus!
Talkin all about why I do what I do.
And guess what?! My photography website is all finished!

www.maeburkephotography.com is the official home for all of my work!

I'll be back later with our family pics that Michelle took the other day :]
For now, here's Norah last week scooting. She has perfected her army crawl at this point...oh dear. Y'all, she's not even 4 months old!

Untitled from Mae Burke on Vimeo.

Another week

2011-07-15T15:07:00.000-05:00

Another week has gone by and my little infant is no more. She's a baby. There's no doubt about it.

We got a "Sophie the Giraffe from a friend and she loves it :]

We have pics with Michelle this Sunday, so excited to have pics of all of us!

Our Weekend in Pictures: Birthday Edition

2011-07-11T09:52:00.000-05:00

This weekend we got away to a friends house. I didn't take many pictures because I had Norah on a blanket frantically taking her pictures trying to work my new camera ;] *Hopefully* we'll be moving in their in a few weeks [pending someone takes over our lease] so there'll be plenty of pics to come!

Saturday morning was Lily's birthday party. I made a bunch of pizzas and Lily had some of her baby friends over. It was very relaxed. I had it recorded and as soon as it's edited, I'll be sure to post it!

Then Sunday was Lily's BFF Eliza's party. I love that Morgan and Aaron are able to come up here with the kids so often

Baby Beck & Norah

"Yily & Ziza" Sharin there watermellon. Tell me that bun isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen. Try. ;]

Oh you know, just BFFs

Baby girl had the right idea all weekend. Sleep. But unfortunarely weekends only last a few days, so back to real life we go. ;] Today will be for paying bills, cleaning house, and trying to get someone to move into our apartment by August the 1st. Wish me luck!

Happy Monday,
Mae

Two

2011-07-08T00:28:00.000-05:00

My Lily Annette is two years old.

This evening we drove around [read, got lost] in search of a particular location to take her pictures...an hour later... I just pulled over. And as luck would have it, some Brahmas showed up.

The personality she has developed this past year makes me fall so deeply in love with her.

She loves adventure

But still approaches situations with the most earnest of child-like timidness.

The ten tiny toes I had Eamon count over, and over, AND OVER when she was born have taken her to so many places.

I can never give the Lord enough thanks for my motherhood through Lily.

I feel like I love her like no one's ever loved anyone else in this world. Like no one can possibly understand my love for my beautiful girl. Tonight I did her hair all pretty and got her all cleaned up, she looked gorgeous, but it just wasn't "Lily." I took her hair down, she got it nappy in no time, and I just enjoyed the scenery that God laid before me. Seeing how small she was compared to the cows and watching her chest rise in excitement every time a cow moo'd struck me with awe at our mighty God. How he love us....

We'll be celebrating her birthday this weekend with a few friends, I'm so excited for her.
You can read her birth story here and watch her birth slideshow here.

Have a wonderful weekend all!
Mae

Birthday's with Eamon

2011-07-06T09:35:00.000-05:00

I've celebrated my birthday with Eamon since I was 16 years old. Six. Teen.

16- Had a bowling alley costume party. Eamon and his band mates showed up and we both swear my parents were going to kill him. Most awkward birthday ever, lol
17- I had 3 parties that year! My family threw me a small one, the ladies at the title office that Eamon, all his friends, and I worked at threw me one, and Eamon threw me a surprise one at our friend Daniel's house. It was awesome.
18 - I was on my first plane ride to Thailand! I spent the majority of it on a plane...longest birthday ever considering it lasted like TWO days because of the hemisphere change, lol. I cried for like 5 minutes and wouldn't walk on the pea shooter of a plane that flew from Corpus to Dallas.

19- well...we just got married two weeks earlier, so we SHOULD have been doing something else, but a friend was in labor, so we watched her friend's little boy that night. We got to play parents for a night and it made me want kids SOOOO badly!

20- I was miserable, lol! I was almost a week overdue with Lily and in false labor.

21- we took that little almost one year old out to our local sushi bar for karaoke :]

Today we are takin it easy and I think I'm going to be taking Lily's two year pictures, yay! We're having a dinner party next week that I'm super excited about though!

Happy [birthday] Wednesday!

Mae

Bloggin.

2011-07-04T15:32:00.000-05:00

I sold my camera yesterday...I'm kinda panicking waiting for my new one.

Goodbye Midge, you will be missed :[

Last night I thought, "Why blog if I don't even have pictures?"
I mean, obviously takin pictures is what I do, but should that really stop me from blogging? Then I thought about why I blog. I've always had a weird relationship with blogging. Sometimes I blog and I can't believe that there are strangers out there who read all of these personal details and I wonder why they care to stop by. Other days it irritates me that my mom is reading about how I hadn't had sex for 4 months, but could care less that someone in Australia knows. Weird right?
I've always tried really hard to not be self absorbed or make my blog about what I wear day to day, there's plenty of that out there already. I don't have groundbreaking research on what wine is best for you [although, I've discovered hard apple cider is the shit] or how to feed your family on $2 a day organically [if there's someone out there who does, you hook me up with that blog!] Lately I've been struggling on what to say here since my professional career is picking up. What do I want people to already know about me? Will people not hire me if they know I talk about Jesus in the same post as talking about how hard apple cider is "the shit"? It's all kind of daunting.

Just kinda thinking out loud today.
Those of you who are the prayin type, keep us in your prayers. My birthday's Wednesday [my family used to make a BIG deal of birthdays and we haven't really since we've been married, it's a hard adjustment for me] and Lily's is Friday [and Rusty's is Thursday!], I'm trying to figure out what direction to push my photography, we're hopefully moving into a house soon [PLEASE pray for that!] and somehow I've got to figure out how to go see me family as most of them haven't seen me since Lily was about 15 months.

Somehow I have a three month old baby

Chuck E Creeper

2011-06-30T10:03:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we went to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese.
We went to Freebird's before hand to stuff Lily so she wouldn't eat anything, and success of all successes, she only took one bite of pizza.

Here are some pictures from our loverly outing.

Oh, and don't worry. I'll start blogging about important things again one day...sigh.

Mae

Ticket Master

2011-06-26T16:58:00.001-05:00

Today, Lily had her first trip to Chuck E Cheese's today.

Click on the image if the gif isn't working ;]

She was queen of the tickets.

12 Weeks

2011-06-24T09:39:00.000-05:00

It feels like just last week I was telling myself "oh my gosh, I still have TWELVE more weeks til I meet him/her!" Then she came...now she's almost 3 months old. HOW?!?!

Her newest thing happens at night. When I detach myself from her [lol] and roll over, she immediately rolls til she finds me and sleeps against my back. Like "Whoa, whoa, whoa, get back here mama."

Aaaand...fantastic news...She's getting eyelashes.

I started taking pics of her BFF Ella, and this is what she thought about THAT!

Hope you all have a great weekend and stay cool! [pfffft....right]
Mae

Our Love Story

2011-06-21T10:20:00.001-05:00

Three years ago today, I dropped my last name [was pretty excited to not have to deal with people asking "How do you spell that? Czarnecki?"] and became Maegan Annette Burke :]

When I was a Sophomore in high school, our super cool Senior friend, Daniel, brought one of his friends, Eamon, to our lunch table. He was pretty quiet, but when someone spilled their water bottle he said "Oh. My water broke." It was the funniest thing to 6 high school boy crazy girls, but particularly me ;] [and how funny is it that his ice-breaker joke was about BIRTH?! I should have known then...]

Eamon was a library aid during my fourth period Criminal Justice class. I was a band/choir kid and had no interest at all in being in the class, and my teacher was kind enough to see that. He wrote me a library pass to go "work on other school work" and gave me an A in the class as long as I took the test. That's where we met. That's where we fell in love.

I was a very troubled young lady when we met. In fact, one of the first ways he let me know how he felt said "a beautiful girl like you doesn't need to be doing that [cutting, BARF] to herself." I was VERY awkward, ya'll...VERY. But he thought I was beautiful. He saw something in me no one else did. On September 8th, 2004 we went on his first date, to Equal Eyes in Corpus Christi, Tx, for his band's first show. That's also when I got my first kiss.

Eamon was always patient, kind, encouraging, everything a 16 year old boy is clueless about. About a year into our relationship, my dirty, ugly lie of a life crashed in on me. Before I was saved, I was a liar. The worst kind. It got to where I didn't really know if I was lying because all of my lies were so elaborate, so deeply rooted, I didn't really know how to separate them all. When the truth came out, it nearly killed me. All of my lies had been exposed, I didn't know who I was, neither did Eamon. But he stuck by me. If everything I told him had been a lie and he still loved me, he wanted to know who I really was. So we stayed together.

He waited around in po-dunk Rockport for me to graduate. I remember my dad being upset that we had been together this long, he said "Unless you're gonna marry this boy, you need to move on! It's not good to stay with one person for so long!" I probably rolled my eyes or something and he said "WHAT?! You think you're gonna marry him!?" I said "probably" and the usual fight over how rebellious and naive I was began for the night :]

We left the country for the first time together after I graduated on a mission trip to Thailand. I turned 18 on the plane ride over. While we gawked at the beauty of the country, and shuddered over it's poverty, all I could think about is "I want to work here with him as my husband." When we visited the orphanages of the little girls [under 7 years old, mostly] who'd been taken out of sex slavery, all I could think about is adopting one or twenty with Eamon. I was sold. I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Now I just had to wait.

When we got back, Eamon moved to Austin because it was the closest place to Kerrville [where I would be going to school] that he could get a job and had friends. We did the long distance thing. It was awful. I was working at the most stressful job I'd ever [to this day] had, was out of my element, had great friends, but was missing my best friend. I visited Austin as much as I could. The days we spent there were precious. We'd save up our money and go on super fun dates while he showed me the city.

During this time, I found out about Intentional Gatherings and decided I was moving to "Dallas" [yes, small town me thought that East Lancaster and Dallas were the same thing] So without hesitation, Eamon moved up here with the only friends we had. I went to check out IG's community home to see if it was a suitable fit and to visit Eamon during Spring Break.

On Good Friday, 2008, Eamon walked from Arlington to Ft Worth in the middle of the night. He called me at 3 in the morning and told me to walk outside. I found him there, shaking from adrenaline, and asked if he was crazy. He started telling me about what he had been talking to God about, but all I could think was "I'm in my pj's...How'd he get here?!...I bet my breath stinks real bad...wait, why is he here?!" Then he reached in his pocket, got down on one shaky knee, and asked me to marry him. Without hesitation, I said yes.

We planned our wedding for the first day of summer. We had always talked about a fall wedding, but we just couldn't wait :]

We got married in Rockport, but drove ALL the way back to Arlington that night. We followed the most beautiful thunderstorm I've ever seen the whole way there and got pulled over for speeding. When the police officer saw Eamon in his white tuxedo, he let us go to "have a good night."

When I am 31, I'll have been with Eamon longer than I've been without him. I love him dearly, like I've never loved anyone before, and can't imagine loving anyone the same again. His passion to grow and push me in any way that God has him is inspiring. His unending love for his girls puts a lump in my throat. Even though some days are hard...really, really hard, I pray that God gives us the rest of our days together.

What's your love story? I'd love to hear it!

Mae

You can read last year's anniversary post here :]

Mae Flowers: Wilted.

2011-06-20T15:18:00.000-05:00

So some of you may remember a little link to my etsy store right over yonder <-----, Mae Flowers.

Well, I hate to say it, but I will no longer be keeping up with that business. I loved the creative outlet, and I still love making them for my girls-but that does not make a business. I took a good look at myself and my goals this weekend and realized that it is time for me to shut it down. I know women who are Wedding/birth/engagement/newborn/boutique/editorial photographers, have two or three etsy shops, are getting their LLL or DONA certification, have a part time job, and are supposed to somehow be a mom and wife. After sitting and judging them in my head I thought...well, what the heck are YOU doing?!

I've become far more passionate about photography than I ever thought I would be, so I've decided to pursue it alone. That, plus two girls, one dog, and a hubby equals a full plate for me! I find the more you try to stuff on that plate, the more something suffers. I'll still make some clips from time to time for my girls or baby showers, but I think I've learned my lesson. Just because someone tells you "You should TOTALLY sell these" doesn't mean you'll be successful ;]

Thanks for supporting me while it lasted!
Mae

Our Weekend in Pictures: Summer

2011-06-20T00:56:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was little I've wanted to be the type of mom who would just throw there kids in the car and go do something amazingly fun with them. Friday night, I got to do that. We heard that The Polyphonic Spree was throwing a FREE concert in Dallas. I sorta freaked out [I've always wanted to see them] and insisted that we go. Eamon doesn't handle spontaneity well [well....neither do I, lol] so this was a little much. But since Father's Day is Sunday, our anniversary's Tuesday, and my birthday's in a few weeks...I just couldn't pass it up! I mean, IT'S FREE!

It was 8. I just got Lily out of the bath and into her pjs. The concert started at 9 [an hour after Lily's bedtime]. We drove over there in 30 mins [there was ZERO traffic] popped the girls and there carriers, and were by far the coolest parents I know ;]

The best picture of Eamon and Lily I could get. I've never shot at night with this camera before...so it was interesting to say the least, lol.

*Melt* Eamon and Lily after the show, waiting for the train to go by...

Norah slept the entire time.

We left at about 10:45 and as soon as Lily got in her carseat, she passed out! She was a little embarrassed to dance in front of everyone, but as soon as she got going, she literally stole the show. No one around us was watching the stage, just our little dancing fool. Love her. Norah however, woke as soon as we got in the car and giggled and coo'd the entire way home. It was a pretty amazing night.

I had a couple of shoots this weekend, so Saturday we took it easy, but Sunday was even easier. Lily and I chilled at the pool since it was overcast/sprinkling and no one else was out.

[I only edited one of these, I just liked them how they were SOOC]

This pic makes me wanna cut Lily's hair really short...she has the head for it ;]

Dollar store bubbles. Best dollar I ever spent.

While we were waiting for the weather to clear up a little bit, Lily's floatie blew into the pool. Can you tell how concerned she is?

"pool...PLEASE?!"

"No, we have to wait for it to stop raining."

*pout*

Ok, ok, ok...You can't really tell. But this is the funniest thing-EVER. Lily blows on her food. She watched me blow the bubbles too. So she picks up the wand, gets it nice and soapy...and starts spitting like the tazmainian devil!!! I don't know where she got this, or why she won't do it right, but I laughed so hard I couldn't breath!

"Baby, I think it's time to come in..."

*Face Palm* "No inside!!! Poooooooool!"

Drama queen.

And for lunch today, Father's Day, I made the best dang sandwiches I've ever had in my life.

Rollin...Rollin...

2011-06-16T14:29:00.000-05:00

Look who's 11 weeks old!

She giggles when you tickle her.

She coos when you talk.

And she rolls from her tummy to back and back to tummy <3

I will be making this for her with an amazing vintage pillowcase I've had for quite a while. We have a family shoot and I can't wait to have a family picture of all FOUR of us :]

Happy Thursday,

Mae

Our Weekend in Pictures

2011-06-13T13:44:00.000-05:00

First of all, this little [gigantic] guy staked out our apartment for like a week...He both delighted and terrorized Lily. It was hilarious.

Thursday we went to "Ziza's" Grandma's to go swimmin with baby friends and mama friends.

Norah just chilled nearby...suckin her fingers :]

And these two babes just chilled like they're SO cool

Friday morning I got to hang with this hunk

That afternoon we went to North Euless Main. Food Network says it's the best BBQ in Texas.

I'd like to think this is how Lily would look circa 1983 ;]

My first rib in 8 years. Damn, it was good. I ate 4.

[Also, about 5 mins after this I gave my card to THE MOST gorgeous pregnant woman ever. Looking like this. So professional.]

We even let Lily eat some icecream.

Saturday, Norah and I rep'd my photography at the Fort Worth Parenting Extravaganza. It was pretty amazing!

Sunday Eamon made us sushi :] Yesssssss....

Hope you all had a safe, fun start to your summer!

Mae

Ass Burgers?

2011-06-09T08:09:00.000-05:00

In 29 days Lily will be two years old.

That almost breaks my heart to say!

The closer we get to this day, the more anxious I become. Why? Because most parents of children with Asperger Syndrome say that's when they started to notice their child's symptoms.

What is Asperger's?

Here's the easy Wiki Answer:

"Asperger syndrome (AS) is one of the autism spectrum disorders (ASD) or pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), which are a spectrum of psychological conditions that are characterized by abnormalities of social interaction and communication that pervade the individual's functioning, and by restricted and repetitive interests and behavior "

When we started doing research about A.S. after we found out that Eamon has it, we learned several things. Like, first of all, AS is NOT Autism. One of the biggest debates going on in the community right now is that there are certain people want to group in people with AS with Autism and label them "High Functioning Autistic". Some people in the AS community find it very insulting, we're not even sure if Lily has it and I've already taken the stance that this should NOT happen. We've also heard the numbers of how many children are going undiagnosed, and MISdiagnosed leading an overdiagnosed population of children with AS, and an underserved population of children who are going without help. [Not to mention the small population of adults who have it, but were just labelled "disruptive" in school who are still struggling with their day to day lives because communication is such a struggle.] Researchers are also finding a link that suggests it's being passed down genetically so for quite a while I've been waiting to see what-if anything-comes up with Lily.

Have you ever noticed how many pictures I have of this beautiful girl's eyelashes?

It's because I have a never ending stock pile of them on my computer. I could post a different picture of this sweet baby looking down every day for the next 3 years. Knowing that one symptom that is noted for children her age is poor eye contact is the first thing that gave me suspicions. Talking to Lily is very difficult. She doesn't look at me in the eyes. When I take her picture, it's WORK to get her to look at me, which is great from a photographer stand-point, since I need all the practice I can get, but the day to day stresses me out. I'm from a "high context" family. Nearly all of the conversations between my mom, my sisters, and me are had with much more body language than words. Being in a house where I've had to COMPLETELY change the way I talk has been extremely taxing on me, but it's easier for me to change than the rest of my family. Anyway, back to Lily. When I talk to her it's this constant "look at mama" conversation because it makes her SO uncomfortable. She looks at me for 3-5 seconds TOPS then trails off, then back again, then darts off. When I see how other kids her age interact with their parents, I get jealous. At first I thought Lily was just disobedient, but now I'm really able to see how uncomfortable it makes her.

Lily also had PHENOMENAL verbal skills for her first...15? months. I can usually understand what she's trying to tell me, but that's because I'm Mama. I can piece all of her fragmented thoughts together to work with her. But then I hear other kids her age and it's just unsettling. Lily knows lots of words, but she doesn't put them together. When I say "Lily asked for an orange" Lily actually just says "Orange?" But I'm finding out that most children her age say "Mama, want orange please." Lily's friend Eliza is four days younger than her and physically developed slower than her [actually, it was normal, Lily just started sitting, crawling, and walking, like a super baby] but her communication is just overwhelmingly amazing. On one hand I really like for them to hang out because they're the same age and have a lot of fun together, but on the other, it always puts a knot in my stomach because all I can think is "Why isn't Lily saying that?" What really killed me is when "Ziza's" daddy said that she told him "I love you" unprompted. I actually started crying. Other than one time when I sat with her for 30 mins teaching her how to say it, and she did say it-ONCE-, Lily's never told Eamon or I she loves us. [aaaaand there are the tears.] I hear that this act of saying these three little words is what bothers a lot of parents the most.

Which brings us to empathy. THIS is where we might be out of the woods. Is she fascinated with one thing? Yes. Does she get upset if her routines are disrupted? Quite certainly. [I'll tell you about dinner time one day...oy.] Are her fine motor skills something to brag about? Not at all. Does she pretend? If you call throwing flower, salt, raisins, dog food, and water in a bowl "pretend" cooking, then yes. But lack of empathy, one of the biggest indicators of AS, might not be something Lily has. I only say this because when a song with a sappy or dramatic melody comes on, it makes her well up and cry. She doesn't cry when someone else does, it's mostly the music thing, so we'll see.

I'm opening myself up and talking about this because I want to know if any of you parents out there have children who are diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm not doing it to have her diagnosed over the internet or anything like that. I've also debated sharing this for quite some time because I don't want anyone to ever treat my child [or anyone in my family for that matter] differently because of who they are. You bet your ass I will never, EVER introduce Lily by saying "This is Lily, she has AS" how unfair is that? That doesn't mean that if she does have it that I'm going to hide it from her...god no. Since I'm homeschooling I want to know as much as I can to help my little girl the best that I can. I love her so much and just want her to succeed.

So anyway...feel free to talk about your experience with AS, what signs did you first notice? What are some misconceptions you had/have? What do you want to know more about?

Happy Thursday!

Mae

Mae Burke Photography

2011-06-04T07:49:00.000-05:00

Head on over to the photo blog for today's post :]

Happy Weekend everyone!

Mae

Irrational Fear

2011-06-03T20:30:00.000-05:00

Meet Barkley.

The center of many a joke on one particularly hilarious episode of Modern Family.

Eamon and I were watching this episode a few days ago while Lily was in the room.
She turned around. Saw him. Screamed "BAD DOG!!!!" and ran to me shaking.
Eamon and I were so confused and I wanted to laugh and make light of it, but Lily was TERRIFIED. Our dang computer wouldn't even pause the stupid DVD and it just kept showing him. She kept screaming and shaking and saying "NO NO!!!" but the stupid thing would just NOT pause.
We finally got it to stop and Lily was in hysterics.
For the past few days it's been a battle to get her to go into any room that doesn't have a light on without her saying "What about the bad dog?" Every naptime and night-night kiss ends with Lily pointing to the opposite corner of who room pouting "But..the bad dog!"

When I was younger I used to see things in the dark.
It would paralyze me. I was haunted by heavy, heavy stuff and sometimes just thinking about it would get me so worked up I couldn't even bring myself to open my eyes. This happened until I was about 17.
In light of Lily's new paranoya, I've been faced with some of my own irrational fears. The things that rattle around in my empty little head when the lights aren't on that run rampant.

I'm afraid of being raped when I go check the mail at night.
I'm afraid Lily has Asperger's Syndrome. and I'm not going to be able to deal with it.
I'm afraid that the deflated air-bag that now sits between my hips will drive away my husband.
I'm afraid my mom will resent me the rest of my life because I won't move closer.
I'm afraid people will remember me as a liar [I used to lie A. LOT.]
I'm afraid that something will happen to me and I won't be able to feed Norah and she'll have to be formula fed [call me judgmental and a jerk, whatever, I think that's one of the worst things you can do for your babies. There is little on this Earth that could make me give her formula when I have boobs.]
I'm afraid that when I'm on an overpass that it will crumble beneath me.

In general, I guess I'm just a fearful person. That's so lame.
But today I've reminded myself to just take every thought captive and keep going. To see through and know there isn't a 6 ft tall dog standing in the corner ;]

In other news.
Yesterday sucked balls. Giant, hairy, walrus balls.
My twitter feed read like a doomsday calendar.
In short, I started hating all of my recent photography, our food stamps have been delayed til the 12th, which means we have to stop the cleanse, realized I hadn't been taking my PPD supplements since I started the cleanse [moron] Lily crapped her pants in Central Market, had to clean her butt off with toilet water and thin toilet paper [all you moms who still change your 18 month+ kids crap diapers, my hat's off to you. That shit is disgusting. Straight up.] with Norah strapped to me in the Moby, got back to the cart and she pooped again [I think it was the cleanse], got home, put her in the bath, she pooped in the tub and FUH-REAKED out, I had a meltdown with Eamon, went to bed, woke up with pink eye. So ya. it was awful. I've been dropping colloidal silver in my eye all day and it seems to be gone, PRAISE THE LORD.

Here are some pics of our little outing pre poopaplooza
She thinks she's so big and doesn't have to use a straw but when she gets tired...

And my poor husband does NOT know how to use my camera, BUT, Lily makes this face every time he gets it out.

Too funny.

Hope you all have a happy weekend!
Mae

Nine Weeks

2011-06-02T10:14:00.000-05:00

Not too proud of these pictures, but they're pictures none-the-less. One day I will learn not to take pictures in the girl's room. These are just SOOC with the exception of the first.

Nom nom nom.

This is what Lily does when I ask her to take pictures with Norah. Every time.

We're on day 5 of the cleanse...wooo.
I'm sure there is something else I could talk about. But that will have to wait til there isn't a toddler pulling on my hand [is that not THE MOST annoying thing in the world??!?]

Happy Thursday,
Mae

Identity Crisis

2011-05-31T09:31:00.000-05:00

I recently saw a young couple out in public who were practically sniffing each other's butts while the rest of the world tried to divert their attention elsewhere. Her skirt was just three ruffles barely covering her woman-hood and his swagger could only be interpreted by other card carrying members of his club- the "Ya, I Hit That" club.

My face squished up like I just smelled spoiled milk as they walked by. I damned their future marriage by yelling at them [in my head] "Your sex life is gonna suck when you get married because you didn't wait" And I tried calculating what their grades could be in school if they spent half the time they used to properly groom themselves for eachother [leg waxes, blow drying, make up, nether region waxes] to study. I'm pretty sure I even figured out how much money she could donate to her school's chapter of FCA if she stopped buying birth control.

In a whole 15 seconds this couple had been analyzed and taken down by a babywearing, holier than thou, judging bitch. Said judging bitch being me.

Just as this couple was oblivious to my judgement [hopefully] they were also oblivious to the fact that three and a half years ago I was sitting on a bus in Austin physically praying to God that I would get to make-out with Eamon before I had to go back to Kerrville. They had no idea I had been prancing around Austin in the most flattering sundress I could borrow with one hand in Eamon's back pocket or a finger looped through on of his belt loops while my other hand shook out my hair to keep the city air from ruining my curls. I hung on his every word like his description of the WOW battle from the night before was written by Shakespeare himself. I was not concerned with running into Target as quickly as I could as to not wake my baby or worried about whether or not I put the chicken in the fridge to thaw. My only care in the world was "Is my eyeliner running?" and "How do I get him to ask me?"

As they walked into the parking lot, not breaking eye contact with each other to check for traffic, I felt like a dirty jerk, and jealous. But what was I going to do? Run after them and say "Hey I totally just called you a slut in my head, young lady. And you sir, I berated you for telling all of your friends what her boobs feel like. I'm so sorry, will you forgive me? I swear we're not that different."? Honestly, yes. I bet Apostle Paul would. Homeboy kinda set that bar high for the rest of us.

I went into the store mindlessly putting the items on my list in my basket, intermittently "Shhhshh"ing Norah whether she was making a peep or not. Who the hell am I to think, not even say, but THINK those things about those kids? Who am I to think God judges anyone like the way I just did? Who am I to lose the passion I had for God that would put these two love birds to shame? Who am I to neglect the giddiness that I used to allow myself to feel for my husband?

Most days I think I've pretty much got it figured out, but truth be told I'm not really sure who I am, or who I'll be. This is me asking Jesus to break down that judging bitch, That passionless person, that potty-mouthed individual to build up someone fit to bring into His kingdom. Join me.

Here are two other [quite adorable] ladies I'm praying he's tearing down and building up too ;]

Happy Tuesday,

Mae

Mae Burke Photography Memorial Day Weekend Special

2011-05-28T08:58:00.000-05:00

Book this deal THIS WEEKEND ONLY!

Tell all you DFW & Rockport friends, spots won't last long!

2 Timothy 1:7 - Our First Tornado Drill

2011-05-26T23:53:00.000-05:00

What do you call two women from North Texas hiding in a stranger's closet, nursing their babies, with a toddler making long distance phone calls, singing "I'm desperate for You"? Apparently, a tornado warning.

A few nights ago some friends and I finally started to getting together once a month or so just to pray. Not to compare notes on childrearing, or marriage, or recipes, just to pray and worship. Everyone on my social media outlets were talking about the weather getting bad, but I really felt like I should keep my home open in case anyone really needed prayer [and because I NEEDED social interaction...hubby's still out of town] I light heartedly asked about what we should do in case of tornado because this hurricane girl was/is unprepared for such an event.

When we got together, it was clear. Our hearts were all desiring to be inspired, we all had a longing, and we all were in the seemingly never-ending phase of not trusting Christ. So as we began to pray that God would give us opportunities to trust Him and to not be fearful. Just then, tornado sirens started going off. I happened to check my phone then and my friend Michelle said to take cover-NOW. We all started to check the weather and there were tornadoes touching down everywhere. We hid in my bathroom for a few minutes while getting updates from friends. The sirens stopped so I went to go check outside and try to get into a downstairs apartment.

This is where [in hind-sight] I get to bitch about my neighbors. Again. Our direct downstairs neighbor never answers his door. Ever. And the person that lives across from him [we live in a little quad] is older with teenage kids who I KNOW were home. So you would think that with tornado sirens going off and 4 women standing outside with three babies that someone would open their freaking door. Nope. See if I have any extra sugar in the future ;] We saw someone standing on the sidewalk and asked if we could take shelter in their apartment and they didn't think twice.

Y'all, I've never seen anything like that. The wind was strong, warm, blowing every which direction, STRONG. The sky was grey and white, swirling with clouds. Tiny amounts of rather large hail were shooting down. It was so bizarre. I've gone through a hurricane or two, but it doesn't even compare. Hurricanes give you time to evacuate, time that I will never use to freak out if we ever live back on the coast again. The sirens would go on and off because within minutes new rotations would form, funnel, or move on.

But God is so good. I really heard him say "You want to trust me so badly, JUST DO IT, here's your chance!" So while Sarah, Jackie, and our new neighbor friend watched the news, Katie and I nursed the babies and prayed in the closet. It was beautiful watching Lily's trust in me when I said "let's go in this [stranger's] closet and hide for a little while!" It was as if God was showing me how to obey. I found myself not panicking when I talked to her but sweetly and directly telling her what I needed to do. That's JESUS!

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

That was it, right there! I had never ever ever in my life understood that verse like I did just then. Oh how I love it when He uses Lily to teach me.

When the coast was all clear we came back upstairs to continue to pray and give thanks. None of us could ignore the story of the disciples on the ship with Jesus. And while I know there was hearbreaking distruction elsewhere, and the Lord is working in His way through all of it, I'm glad He used the storms that night to love the seven of us ladies. And praise the Lord for the Holy Spirit! And Sarah! I can't tell you the peace that just embodied her! It just poured out of her and fell all around...Gorgeous.

Matt 8:27 And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?” He is Sovereign

On a different note
Today was my last day alone with the girls :] I actually went out and walked with the girls down to the park. Lily had so much fun, and while I DID wear her out by walking there...she was WAY too tired on the way home. It took us 5 minutes to walk there...FORTY minutes to walk back, lol! Next time...I'm just gonna suck it up and lug the stroller downstairs ;]

I know, I know, not totally in focus, but that little expression is too adorable NOT to share.

What I love about having a little girl is that when walking to the park with Mama, sidewalks are ignored, and every dandelion and flowering weed are subject to picking. She got so excited walking there that she said started doing her little "A-walka walka walka walka" song [Totally made it up on her own, don't know where she got it!] and then started running screaming "GO GO GO GO GO!! PAAAAAHK!"

On the way home she did NOT want to walk so I carried her on my back for a little bit [while wearing Norah in the Boba up front...heavy.] and when I put her down she just looked at me with her red chubby cheeks and sweaty hair and said "mmaaaaaAAAAAY!!!" and pouted, and drug her feet...all the way home. It was pitiful. Oh, and yes. I can't-no matter WHAT I DO [she put herself in timeout for it all on her own] I can't get her to stop calling me Mae. Please Jesus, don't let me be that mom.

We're all gonna spend some time together this weekend and prepare for the cleanse that starts on Sunday! Have a GREAT Memorial Day Weekend!
Mae

Coos at Two

2011-05-25T23:57:00.000-05:00

She's two months old [well, she's 8 weeks, I guess after this we do the month thing?]

Doesn't she just melt your heart?

AND DOESN'T SHE LOOK JUST LIKE LILY?!

She can roll from belly to back [she gets up on her arms like that, smiles REAL big and uses her big ol' head to swing her down, it's so funny!
She loves cooing as loud as she can.
She misses her daddy...who is [fingers crossed] coming home tonight!
I can't get enough of her.

I promise, I do have real "Jesus is awesome, I suck" posts coming up, but I just DO NOT have the energy to finish them!

Happy Thursday,
Mae

Cleanse Meal Plan

2011-05-25T11:41:00.000-05:00

So yesterday [before hiding in a neighbors closet waiting to hear the tornadoes had passed, more on that later] I put together all 3 weeks of meals for the cleanse we're about to go on. Some have you asked that I share, so here you go :]

Week One

Mae & Lily
	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sunday	Smoothie & Eggs	Avacado Chutney	Baked SP w/Salad & Broc
Monday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Veg Prima w/BR Pasta
Tuesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Spinach/Basil Dip	Red Lentil Curry w/BR
Wednesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Left Overs	Veg Stew w/BR & Baked SP
Thursday	Smoothie & Eggs	Left Overs	Sesame BR Noodles
Friday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Port Mush Caps w/Kale Salad
Saturday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Lentil Falafel w/Red Lent Hummus

Snacks	BR Crackers w/Cheese	*Carrots for Mae No C
	BR Crackers w/Fruit	** No Cheese
	Veg Chips w/ Fruit
	Veg Chips w/Cheese
Dessert	Smoothie

Eamon
	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sunday	Smoothie	Avacado Chutney	Baked SP w/Salad & Broc
Monday	Smoothie	Baked SP w/GS	Veg Prima w/BR Pasta
Tuesday	Smoothie	Spinach/Basil Dip	Red Lentil Curry w/BR
Wednesday	Smoothie	Work	Veg Stew w/BR & Baked SP
Thursday	Smoothie	Work	Sesame BR Noodles
Friday	Smoothie	Work	Port Mush Caps w/Kale Salad
Saturday	Smoothie	Baked SP w/GS	Lentil Falafel w/Red Lent Hummus

Snacks	BR Crackers w/Fruit
	Veg Chips w/ Fruit
Dessert	Smoothie

Week 2

Mae & Lily
	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sunday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Baked Chicken w/Artichokes & BR
Monday	Smoothie & Eggs	LO's & Avacado Chutney	Fish w/Baked SP & Broc
Tuesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Chicken “Parm” w/Greek Salad
Wednesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Chicken Kababs	Lentil Stew w/Green Salad
Thursday	Smoothie & Eggs	Left Overs	Coconut Lime Chicken Curry
Friday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Eggplant Parm w/Kale Av Salad
Saturday	Smoothie & Eggs	Avacado Chutney	Baked Chicken w/Mash Lent & Salad

Snacks	BR Crackers w/Cheese	*Carrots for Mae No C
	BR Crackers w/Fruit	** No Cheese
	Veg Chips w/ Fruit
	Veg Chips w/Cheese
Dessert	Smoothie

Eamon
	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sunday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Baked Chicken w/Artichokes & BR
Monday	Smoothie & Eggs	LO's & Avacado Chutney	Fish w/Baked SP & Broc
Tuesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Work	Chicken “Parm” w/Greek Salad
Wednesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Work-Chicken	Lentil Stew w/Green Salad
Thursday	Smoothie & Eggs	Work	Coconut Lime Chicken Curry
Friday	Smoothie & Eggs	Work-Chicken	Eggplant Parm w/Kale Av Salad
Saturday	Smoothie & Eggs	Avacado Chutney	Baked Chicken w/Mash Lent & Salad

Snacks	BR Crackers w/Fruit
	Veg Chips w/ Fruit
Dessert	Smoothie

Week 3

Mae & Lily
	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sunday	Smoothie & Eggs	Chicken Kababs	Zuccini Marinara
Monday	Smoothie & Eggs	Avacado Chutney	Peruvian Chicken w/BR & Salad
Tuesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Fish w/BR & roasted broc
Wednesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Spaghetti Squash	Chicken Caesar Salad
Thursday	Smoothie & Eggs	Thai Chicken Soup	Stir Fry w/BR Pasta
Friday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Chicken Breast w/guac & Mex BR
Saturday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Lentil Chili w/corn

Snacks	BR Crackers w/Cheese	*Carrots for Mae No C
	BR Crackers w/Fruit	** No Cheese
	Veg Chips w/ Fruit
	Veg Chips w/Cheese
Dessert	Smoothie

Eamon
	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sunday	Smoothie & Eggs	Chicken Kababs	Zuccini Marinara
Monday	Smoothie & Eggs	Avacado Chutney	Peruvian Chicken w/BR & Salad
Tuesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Work	Fish w/BR & roasted broc
Wednesday	Smoothie & Eggs	Spaghetti Squash	Chicken Caesar Salad
Thursday	Smoothie & Eggs	Thai Chicken Soup	Stir Fry w/BR Pasta
Friday	Smoothie & Eggs	Work	Chicken Breast w/guac & Mex BR
Saturday	Smoothie & Eggs	Baked SP w/GS	Lentil Chili w/corn

Snacks	BR Crackers w/Fruit
	Veg Chips w/ Fruit
Dessert	Smoothie

Lots of these recipes can be found over at the Mommypotumus's blog, and some are from her awesome new book!

Happy Wednesday!
Eamon's trip got delayed, so instead of him being home this afternoon, he'll be home tomorrow night :[ Be back later to tell you about our tornado adventures, thank you to those who prayed for Oklahoma and Texas last night.
Mae

Yup, They're Related

2011-05-23T21:41:00.000-05:00

So I started writing some deep blog post about how I suck and Jesus is awesome.
Then I gave up.
Then I started meal planning for the cleanse next week.
Then I gave up.
Then I looked down at Norah who was giving me these looks that were killing me.

THEN I found this video of Lily at the exact same age.

Go ahead, tell me they aren't related. They're twins.

Happy Monday,
Mae

Life is Picture Perfect

2011-05-21T17:38:00.001-05:00

Forgive me while I flood your screen with pictures :]

Last night we had Lily's in-laws over and Lily stole Dusty's glasses. She was tripping out. It was hilarious.

Go check out the photography blog! I posted the rest of the pictures from my recent "In Mama's Arms" shoot. Ah, I'm in love with them!

Right after I took those ^ pictures [which was right after Keri took her newborn pictures!] Keri took some pictures of my girls and me :]

We had our weekly Central Market date today.

Lily's making a habbit of wearing her hijab every time we go...we get looks people...lots of looks.

Fantastic news! One of my best friends from High School, Kathleen, just graduated from A&M [Summa Cum Laude - Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology and Minor in Psychology] and has moved up to the Metroplex for PT school!!!

I loved seeing her play with my girls...sigh. Hurry up and get married and have some babies!!!

Oh, And Norah's getting too big for our sink...STOP GROWING!!

Hope you all are having an AMAZING weekend! Eamon leaves to go to Rockport on a business trip tomorrow and I'll be stuck at home with the little ones til WEDNESDAY!!! If I update about losing my mind...you will know why.
Happy Saturday,
Mae

In Mama's Arms

2011-05-19T08:09:00.001-05:00

Head on over to the photography blog for this morning's post!

I'll be back later for Norah's 7 week update :]
Mae

"But I Don't Want Anyone Else To Look At My Hoo-Ha!"

2011-05-16T17:34:00.000-05:00

On Friday I had my last appointment with Angela

I'd be lying if I said I fought back tears all day thinking about the reality of it being over.

We were getting ready for the PAP [oh ya, it's lady business talk time] and I felt like I had to fart. Angela was telling me about her marriage seminar she's been going to at her church and was being so complimentary about mine and Eamon's marriage...but all I could think was "Oh my god...I'm gonna fart in her face. Please, dear Jesus, do not let me fart in her face." The only thing I remember saying when I started pushing during Norah's labor was "OH NO, I THINK I POOPED!" and to my mortification, they all said "It's okay, Mae." But I had no control over that situation. How embarrassing would it be to hop up on the table, saddle up in the stirrups, and let one rip right in her face?

LUCKILY, Lily provided me an opportunity to step outside of the room by screaming for me, so I silently farted, and came back in ready to go :]

Angela is not only amazing for dealing with my concerns, legit or completely crazy [or both], she's become a dear friend.

Take One

Take Two

Take...We've taken too many, but YAY! We got one!

Every night since Norah's birth I've been scheming of ways to get back up here for our next pregnancy [Lord, please give me a little more space between Norah and the next...PLEASE] or at least the birth because I just don't want to do it without her! Thank you SO much for catching both of my babies, Angela, and for blessing our family in such a huge way.

Oh, and here's a little Norah Love...just because.

Happy Monday!
Mae

I Win

2011-05-15T12:44:00.000-05:00

So this weekend has been pretty great.
Yesterday we just played around in Central Market all morning, came home, took a great nap, made pizza, put the girls to bed, watched some of Robin Hood, and went to sleep. It was great.

This morning...
I wake up to find I won THIS!!! People. This is fantastic. I'm going to take the next week or so to menu plan and write a good grocery list but I wanted to share a few reasons why I'm so excited about this.

I think it will help me with my PPD. Clearing out my body of toxins can only help balance my hormones and I'm SO excited about that.
Norah will have clean milk! We're finally seeing some progress on the spit up front over here, but when I did this with Lily she turned into a completely different baby! She did so well with nice, clean milk and she COMPLETELY stopped spitting up. It was amazing.
I've been in a recipe slump. We pretty much have the same 7 meals every week so I'm excited to get back into the kitchen and really get creative. And with the help of Mommypotomus's New E-Book chock full of recipes specifically designed for the cleanse, it will be so much easier. AND with the start of summer, all of the best produce is in season. YUM.
My three year anniversary is the summer solstice at the end of June :] How nice will it be to walk into our anniversary [maybe a few pounds lighter?] fresh off the cleanse?

We're planning on starting May 29th [Eamon will be going to Rockport the week before, so it'd probably be best to wait til he gets back.] In the meantime we'll be buying him another Berkey Bottle [hydration is KEY to keeping headaches away] , meal planning, putting together an exercise plan for us individually [YAY SIX WEEKS!!!!] and enjoying [?] our last few days of sugar.

Ok, well, Daddy's off with Lily to get crawfish for tonight [that probably isn't allowed on the cleanse, lol] so I should try to squeeze in a nap :]

I'll leave you with this picture of Lily. She dressed herself yesterday morning and wore this to the grocery store.

Slow Down

2011-05-13T12:12:00.001-05:00

Six Weeks. She's six weeks old...

She's eleven and a half pounds as of yesterday...meaning she gains about a half pound a week :] Fatty.

And while playing around with my bows...I wondered what it would be like if Norah turned out to be a Rhys. It would be adorable. That's what.

DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME! Seems to be Lily's motto lately.

Yes, she's driving me crazy, but can you really stay mad at this?

She'll be TWO in TWO freakin months!! Holy crap. How did this happen?

I wish she was past making out with people for kisses...but we'll get there.

I really wish this was a better picture, but I'm glad I got it ;]

I'm doing good. Some days are still worse than others, but prioritizing, keeping up with my supplements and having some amazing prayer warriors have been helping a lot. For the most part, I'd just wish these girls would slow down and let me catch up. I still feel like I'm waiting for Norah some days, and others I feel like Lily LITERALLY needs to slow the flip down so I can put some pants on her. But, you win some, you lose some ;]

Oh, I have THE most horrible toothache on the planet. I'm considering Castaway-ing it. I'd push out babies all day if it meant I could get rid of this stupid toothache. Blegh.

Hope you're all having a fantastic week :]
Mae

Ella | Newborn

2011-05-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

Head on over to the photography blog to see pictures of Norah's BFF, Ella

She is SUCH a doll

Happy Hump Day
Mae

Good Moms Don't Get PPD: Twice

2011-05-09T00:06:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed the past couple of posts have been...well, uninspired?

Well. Guess what?
I, unfortunately, got PPD again. Again? Yup. Again.

Remember when I said that Easter weekend kicked my butt? It turns out I wasn't just having a rough day or two..or five. Turns out that PPD has got me again. By the following Thursday I was completely gone. I tried to go to a TCBN meeting about one of my favorite topics ever, birth photography, and I STILL couldn't snap out of it.
It started with me moping around about Baby June, then escalated. It was effecting my babies...
Last time it was all me. I got all "Oh the world's so black and would be brighter without me in it" but this time around it's like the world just got all of the color sucked out if it, and it pissed me off. This wasn't Baby Blues. Baby Blues is "Oh my milk just came in and this ASPCA commercial is making me cry my eyes out" or "We're out of toilet paper, Dear God, we're out of toilet paper. The world as we know it is falling apart." No, this was different.
I knew I wasn't just having a bad ~~day~~ week when I pushed Lily. Ya. I pushed her. I put her in time out and I don't even remember what she was crying about but I obviously didn't care. She took a step towards me and I pushed her back against the wall. She hardly noticed, but I was horrified. I thought, I HAVE to get out of this house, I'm going crazy. So Eamon let me go to the meeting that night. On the way home I was overcome with anxiety and was terrified that I was going to die. I almost pulled over, but suddenly realized something- I'd been doing that all week. Just struck in terror with paranoia that I was going to die. Then I remembered a piece of paper that I was given in high school explaining what depression was when I had my appointments with our guidance counselor, and another flash to a similar paper in my postpartum care folder given to me by my midwife. It all kinda crashed in on me. Shit. I have PPD again.
I tried to work through it in my head the next morning "Where do I go from here? Who do I call? Why does this keep happening?" when a friend texted me asking me if I was alright. She knew. And now I knew. Once again I was directed to take the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale Test to see where I landed, and I scored "worse" than I did last time. I fought it a little longer and gave up. I called Angela and told her what was going on.
Thank God for midwives.
If I were seeing a regular OB right now, I would be on drugs and probably not able to breastfeed. IF that were necessary, of course I'd do it. BUT Angela suggested a more natural route. She gave me a slew of herbal supplements to take very strictly. There's no way I can accurately explain the difference. Night and Day people.
On one hand, it's good to know that it is hormonal, that I'm not just a bad mom or that I can't handle two kids. On the other hand, I'm still pretty angry that I have to deal with this-again. There are still periods throughout the day where the world is dull. Everything is grey, I can't seem to laugh, there is fear, I'm not me, but that usually means it's time to take my supplements. And voila, the world is back in technicolor.

No mom deserves this pain. Not a one. If you or someone you know is dealing with depression, especially after having a baby, I urge you to get help. There are many, many options out there and I pray you can find the one that is safe for your and your baby.

I'll keep you updated on how I'm doing. Today was hard, hopefully, without the pressure of "You have to be happy, it's Mother's Day" lingering over my head, tomorrow will be better.

Psalm 23 1-4

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

3 He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

Happy Monday,

Mae

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T08:56:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas out there <3 Hope you get to snuggle your babies today!

And to the mamas who've experienced lost, I hope you celebrate today as well.

Happy Sunday,

Mae

Mae Burke Photography Mini Sessions

2011-05-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

I'm gearing up for my only set of family mini sessions this summer. If you're in the Metroplex, you don't wanna miss this! Happy Weekend all!

Mae

BIRTH: A Play by Karen Brody

2011-05-05T10:48:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit: Michelle Monk Photography

In honor of International Day of Midwives, I thought I'd share some fun news.
I'm going to be auditioning for this play. I doubt anything will come of it, but it's going to be fun :] I'm auditioning for Natalie.

After some long talks, Eamon and I decided to stay in DFW through the end of our lease...so DECEMBER! I'm gonna complain about being in THIS apartment for...er...probably the entirety of the stay, but I'm glad to stay a little longer with my friends and midwives and chiropractors :] Anyway, that means we'll be here in September when the play takes place, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to audition at the end of the month. If you're in the area, you should totally get involved, OR find one near you!!! They are taking place world wide! I went last year to the event and play and it was SO great.

D.I.L.F.

2011-05-05T00:29:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Chelsea, for pointing me over to this site last week. My husband greatly appreciates the objectification.

DILF: Dad I'd Like to...ahem...well. You get it. Well, I did anyway. Hence the two kids. [And now ladies and gentlemen, the female Michael Scott!]

"MO-OOOOOM!!! Why must you be so gross?!?!"

Do you see this baby?!

Yep, her. I think it's safe to say...

She loves her daddy.
[melt my stone cold heart, RIGHT?!?]

Well here's the thing.
So do I.
And after 12 weeks of abstaining because of a lovely yeast colony that likes to invade my body while pregnant, and the whole "You just pushed 8 pounds out, ain't nothin' goin' in for 6 weeks" rule. I'm dyin. You heard me. Dying. AND WHAT MAKES IT WORSE? Looking at all of these pictures of him GUSHING over our daughters. Kill me now, Jesus. Kill me now.

Seriously though. Why, OH, why does your man always look hotter holding a baby? It just doesn't make sense. You see the screaming, pooping mess that result in your compliment of "Hey Sexy" and know you should keep it to yourself...but nooOOOOOooo. I guess this is why I had two kids in three years. Lord help me.

Mae

Growing

2011-05-04T12:17:00.000-05:00

Head on over to my photography blog for today's post :] Feel free to become a follower!!!

Happy Wednesday!

Mae

Shop Update

2011-05-03T11:39:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a while, but I finally got to work on something new for Mae Flowers!

BOWS!
Here are a few of my favorites :]

They're at an awesome price right now, $6! Head on over to the shop and check them all out :]

Mae

Bath Time at the Burkes

2011-05-02T21:57:00.000-05:00

When Lily was this little, Eamon didn't get home til 10:30 at night, on the weekend it was after midnight. He never got to give her itty bitty self a bath. Tonight, he got to finally give one of his newborn girls a bath :]

Look at her tiny little hand!

And bath time was not exclusive to Norah. Lily had to be hosed down after her artichoke/butter adventure tonight

She got up really close to Eamon like "Why you takin my picture?" She's adorable.

Happy Monday :]
Mae

Norah Jean's Slideshow

2011-05-01T22:29:00.000-05:00

Michelle posted my birth slideshow this evening to share with her clients. I thought I'd share with my readers too <3

Birth | Norah Jean from Michelle Monk on Vimeo.

Hope you had a lovely weekend!
Mae

The ABC's of The SAHM: A-G

2011-04-29T14:49:00.000-05:00

A- Applesauce. Organic? Yes. Everywhere? Yes.

B- Burp cloths that get more action as being pot holders
C- Cloth Diapers covered in crap.
D- Dog. Neglected

E- Early Morning nursing sessions
F- Facebook. You know...to talk to people who actually speak English
G-Goldfish...who's all alone because all of his other friends died.

I'll be back with the second installment soon, stay tuned ;]

In other news:

She's a month old...I can't believe it!
Y'all have a great weekend! Tomorrow I'm going to be sharing my birth story at The Art of Birth in Ft Worth. If you're in the area, you should come out! I'll be the first one there at 11!!!

Mae

Easter Weekend In Photos

2011-04-27T20:31:00.000-05:00

I know the week's already halfway over, but here are some more pics from this weekend :]

Friday

We went to Homestead Farms for Earth Day

Saturday
We grocery shopped and had an amazing time out with the girls at a bbq for one of our friends. It was the first social gathering that we've been to with them both and while it was a tad bit stressful, I think we did great!! Lily came home and went right to bed while the rest of us stayed up listening to night one of the never-ending nights of thunderstorms :]

Sunday

We went to our friend's house for another cook out! Kissy, Cameron, and Zsanae put together a little egg hunt, Lily had a blast! [I was nursing during this so daddy was in charge of the camera, lol]

Norah will be a month old tomorrow....holy cow.

Lily's very ready to be done being cooped up inside all day...

Hope you're all having a great week!!!
Mae

Happy Easter

2011-04-25T13:06:00.000-05:00

Hope you all had a Happy Easter :]

I'll post more pictures tomorrow. We had an AMAZING weekend, but this new mama of two needs a day of recovery, lol! Norah might too ;]

Oh and check out today's Moolala offer! It's $19 for $70 worth of Organic Produce!!! WOWZA!

Duck, Duck

2011-04-23T14:22:00.000-05:00

DUCK! Ha, you thought I'd say goose ;]

Just wanted to wish you all a very Happy Easter :]
We went out to the farm yesterday afternoon for their Earth Day celebration and let Lily run around like a heathen child. She wanted to steal this duck, but we didn't let her.

This was her last Earth Day...melt my heart!

Hopefully you remember that this weekend has nothing to do with Chocolate Rabbits and plastic eggs.

Romans 1:4-5

And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit. Through Christ, God has given us the privilege and authority to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name. (NLT)

Three Weeks

2011-04-21T13:44:00.001-05:00

This morning we had a play date set with these two loverly ladies.

Last night before bed I packed the park bag, got out the stroller, set out clothes. I was all set to go! After breakfast we cleaned up, lugged everything downstairs, strapped the girls in, took two steps out, and it started raining. Of course. So instead, we stayed home and played :]

These little girls are only 4 days apart. It's been so fun watching them grow. Her little bro is due on the first, so he and Norah will get to be little buds too! Can't wait to meet him ;]

Norah:
Lots of spit up this week!
We've also had a bit of insomnia the past few days that I'm not particularly happy about.
She's weighing in at about 9 pounds
Her baby acne is FINALLY clearing up
We started cloth diapering!

Mama:
Lost twenty pounds after the birth, HECK YES!!!
Bleeding is extremely minimal
Hips and low back are still a little soar [posterior babies'll do that to ya!]

Lily:
Thought it'd be a good idea to try and bite mama's boob since sister was...nooooo....
She's sort of obsessed with Norah's diapers, she HAS to have a clean one on, even if she farts. It's pretty hilarious.
Here's two pics of her at 3 weeks :]

I happen to think they look alike ;]

Hopefully the weather hasn't been as crazy in your area as it has in mine. Tornado sirens off and on, hail, rain, then 90 degrees and muggy...lame!
Mae

Chunk

2011-04-19T14:56:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention in my post earlier that yesterday we had Norah's two week appointment :]

She weighed 7.15 at birth, but got down to 7.2 at her two day appointment. Yesterday she weighed in at 9 pounds even. I'm absolutely in love with this little chunk

"Because Pink Nipples Aren't Offensive"

2011-04-19T11:46:00.000-05:00

*Since I cried the majority of the way through writing yesterday's post, I thought I'd bring something a little lighter to the table today ;] Thanks so much for all of your support! These last few months in DFW should be fun!

One of the strangest things that I told Eamon when Lily was a newborn was

"Uh-oh...Babe, I think she's gonna have brown nipples, not pink"

Why on Earth was I so concerned with the color of my daughter's nipples, you [and my husband] ask? I feared she'll be faced with the sad truth that no one told me about- Pink nipples aren't offensive, but brown ones are.

Now before you think I'm worried about my girls going around flashing their peers, I'm talking about breastfeeding. I learned early on that in a crowded group of breastfeeding women, I gathered quite a few more looks than the other moms did. Then I realized- I was the only one with brown nipples. [I really need to ethnically diversify my group of friends...] Yep, it seemed that everyone seems to be okay with breastfeeding as long as you don't see what's really going on. Most people can ignore the fact that a mama's boob is in her baby's mouth if you just think about it as skin, but when you have a big brown areola staring back at you, even if just for a second, there's no denying what's going on.

Lily's first feeding

With number two I've realized there are a lot of things that I'm just not surprised by. I feel less defensive about how we raise our children and why we do it. I feel like I can say "Well, Lily's turning out just fine, and that's what we did with her" and receive less of an argument. I know my girls are completely different already, but being through it once already gives me confidence that even if the situations aren't the same with Norah, I can do it. I feel more confident as a mother when I'm out with the two of them. [I say that now...stay tuned for the post following the day I actually take the two of them out by myself!]
And sometimes I feel that things are a little harder for me though, like breastfeeding. Not only do I feel like I have to fight the "only mamas with little perky boobies that are hidden by their baby's head" get to nurse without an uncomfortable [this is Texas, y'all. Feel free to read that as "hotter than hell"] nursing cover state of mind, but I have to fight the pornographic fear of brown nipples too. Then I remember that God gave my girls to me. That not only did he oversee the making of my girls inner parts in my womb, but He did the same for me! He knew my hair would be course and thick, my skin would be olive tinted, and even that my nipples would be brown. He knew where I'd live and how the culture would react to such a thing, yet He's called me to carry all of my attributes with Grace and modesty [which can be achieved with a cover up as well as without one] If I can do that, well, I've brought honor to Him!

I guess tonight when Eamon are in the middle of our daily rundown of events [which is always WAY TOO LATE, making me want to throw a tantrum and scream, "LET ME GO TO SLEEP!!!"] I can tell Eamon " I learned I can bring glory to God with my brown nipples!" What about you? What are some unexpected ways that God has used you or your parenting to bring glory to Him?

Hope you're having a great week so far!
Mae

Migrating South

2011-04-18T13:09:00.000-05:00

When I think about growing up in Rockport, I think about my hair being frizzy from the humidity and wind. I think about running around in shorts and tank tops for 90% of my life, and bundling up on the rare occasion that it got below 70 degrees. I think about the sand that was always scattered around town living permanently in doormats, floorboards and shower drains.

In August, we'll be packing up our girls, and our dog, and moving back.

Us on family vaca last summer

Instead of fighting sleep tolerating the bass of rap music, there will be seagulls and bull frogs, and the occasional Jimmy Buffet single floating on the breeze. There won't be a difference in the seasons, just hot, sticky spring, summer, and fall, and cool, dry winter-ish. There are no mega churches in Rockport, but the few churches without pews and psalm books are a little controversial.

The trade off's seem pretty equal for the most part, but I know that I'm trading my friends for family. My family...like, my ENTIRE family lives within an hour of Rockport, and Eamon's parents and brother live there too. I'm pretty excited for my girls to be close to our family. Playing in "Gra-munk's" [what Lily calls my mom] pool and swinging in her backyard, and chasing Norah around Grandpa Burke's huge yard are things that I hope they take advantage of.
But I feel like I've just recently got a grasp on how to grow and maintain my friendships here, and now I have to leave them. When I was little we moved around A LOT before we finally settled in Rockport. By the time I started school there I took a strong "I'm not going to try to make any friends because we're just going to move again" and it really effected me. I was an outcast for a long time and by the time I finally accepted that we were staying there, I was so socially awkward that it made it impossible for me to undo the damage. By the time I left Rockport I had a very close-knit group of people that I depended on and was semi terrified of the change that was ahead of me.

The last night I lived in Rockport. I sorta had faded out red hair at the time...shoot me.

This kind of mindset has always been kind of hard for me to shake, but I finally let my guard down here and have some amazing friendships because of it. But now what? I feel as if I have to chose my family over my friends, and honestly, the friends I've made ARE my family here. When I've needed a sister I've been able to call Katie or Keri or Morgan, when I've needed some motherly advice, Michelle has always given me some solid answers. Bob and Ann have swooped in and saved the day on many occasion and have been a sort of surrogate family to us. And Angela, what about her? Who is gonna be there for me like she has during my pregnancy? I know God has a plan for us, I know we're going to bloom there, but why does this have to be so hard?!
I feel like God took the time to grow us here. To mature us and have us fight quite a few battles for a while. I feel like He's been preparing me for a role of leadership, but I don't know where. For about five minutes every day since we've made this decision I throw a tantrum and yell at God [I do that a lot, huh?] telling Him "I don't wanna go! You're idea is stupid!!" and He tells me to obey my husband. He says something like "Well if you still think I'm out to get you, trust him. You know he wouldn't do anything to harm your family." and then I feel like a jackass for not trusting Him, again, and go on with my day.

So I guess for now, we'll soak up the good things that we have available to us here in the Metroplex and just prepare for the great migration.
Mae

Sorry if this was sort of...all over the place. Can't seem to get my mind on one track today!!

Motivated to Move

2011-04-15T13:45:00.000-05:00

When I was on bed rest with Lily, I milked it. Didn't get outta bed unless I had to pee or eat for a while. When Eamon was home I said "But I just had a baby" more than I even thought possible. But the pass few weeks, staring at these same four walls, with the same 21 month old bouncing off of them, being hooked up to a newborn mouth...I've been ready to get out and about.

I've been itching to start working out already-no, really. I gained 26 pounds this time [take that 40 pounds during my first pregnancy!] and still managed to grow a slightly bigger baby and a placenta that I was VERY proud of :] For some reason I've got this motivation to get out with the stroller [that should be here any day now...tick tock UPS!] and just walk my way back into my pre-maternity clothes. It's such a frustrating stage being too small for your maternity clothes and too chunky for your regular clothes. I've decided that the perfect postpartum gift is a $50 gift cert for new clothes. For real.

I've been very carefully studying the pages of Bleubird [especially Mama Style] and Dear Baby and I've come to the conclusion that button up shirts/dresses are the way to go. Last time with Lily I went for the Old Navy look of unstructured tees and sweaters that all of the cute, skinny as a rail, but I reiterate, adorable mamas out there tend to sport...but that just does not work for women with Salma Hayek-esque features [boobs]. So hopefully when I get a few extra bucks I can get down to Thrift Town and get some hot, old school button ups and a pair of shorts to outfit my body this summer.

Before I go, what post baby work out do you like best? What did you do?
Eamon saw me looking at Stroller Strides last night and said it was a good idea. But when I said I was looking for price information he said "Wait, what?! You pay for that!? No...that's something you just do with friends" So I'm on the hunt for something to do. Who knows, maybe lugging the girls up and down the stairs and pushing them in the stroller for a mile or two a couple of times a week will be enough!

Two horrible web cam pics of before and after [Lily lost our lens that goes on the camera...oy.]

A few days before the birth

2 weeks pp still lookin about 3 months preggo ;]

Have a great weekend! I think I'll be getting out of the house!

Mae

Two Weeks

2011-04-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

First of all, thank you all so much for the encouraging comments, emails, texts and phone calls over the past few days. Your support has been, well VITAL in this time of change.

These past few weeks have been extremely humbling, difficult, and fruitful. I can't believe how gracious God is. Something really weird has been happening too. I keep hearing things like "you're so strong," "you're such an encouragement," "you have such grace" and I want to be like "What the hell are you talking about?!?!" I tend to just say "It's not me, it's Jesus" but I feel like that's such a poser answer. I know so many fake people who would say that sort of thing and I know they don't believe it. But I do! I've felt so close to God since Norah's arrival, and I know Satan always uses times like this to put doubt in my heart-even if it's by pathetically making me concerned with what other people think.

These past two weeks have made me extremely ambitious. I have plans for these little girls, big ones. I've talked about having a specific charge from God to raise Godly, beautiful women before, and in the days leading up to Norah's birth I thought "Well what if we have a boy? Will that mean the Lord didn't really send me that message?" I don't think that at all, but raising up another little girl to my chest totally reassured me that I'm meant to spend some time raising these little women, and I'm more than excited.

Norah @ 2 weeks
She sucks her thumb sometimes. However cute you think that is, multiply it times ten, and your still not even close, it's adorable!
She nurses SO well and has the milk tongue to prove it.
She scoots close to me at night if I roll away...seriously!
Her baby acne is OUTOFCONTROL...I guess my hormones are a little crazy, sorry baby girl!
Her jaundice is finally clearing up out of her eyes! It never got really bad in her skin, but her eyes were yellow/green for a long time.
She smiles SO much...it melts my heart.
When she nurses, she sounds like a goose! Lily would hum and moan, but Norah honks like a goose!

I'll have an update on how the whole family's doing soon, until then, have a wonderful week!
Mae

Transition

2011-04-12T23:15:00.000-05:00

Today was...weird.

It seems like I'm going through another time of transition, and this one is going to be long too. Something I learned from my labor with Norah though, is that I dare not fight it.

Lily cried almost every time I nursed Norah, which lead to me putting Norah in her swing a lot [and using a pacifier...shoot me] Norah couldn't sleep for more than about 15 mins since 2 pm, and couldn't nurse for more than 5 for some reason [I FINALLY got her to sleep an hour ago by strapping her in the Moby and rocking her. I'm terrified to take her out and try to go to sleep myself though.] and I feel like I'm at a breaking point, but actually have no idea what that means.

I've had some amazing friends ask to take Lily so Norah and I can get some rest, but it's been such a hard thing to deal with. Since we don't have any family here, Lily's never been anywhere without Eamon or me. So we have to deal with, "No, I promise she'll bring you back" on top of "No, we aren't sending you away because Norah's here" on top of "Please don't kill my child with peanuts, here's the Epi-Pen." I just don't know what to do at this point.

I read on another mom's blog recently

"But then, I remembered some advice I had heard a long time ago about bringing a new baby home and having an older child (or children) act out.

YOU PUT THE BABY DOWN.
Yes.
You put the baby down as soon as your older kid's behavior has reached a point where you need to act, and you take care of the situation. You discipline. With the same firmness and resolve you would have if you didn't have a newborn in your arms.
Your baby will probably cry.
Oh well!
It's really not the end of the world.

You show your older children that they can not walk all over you, and then you go pick the baby back up again and continue nursing/soothing/smooching the wee one."

and dangit, I have been, but I feel like I've been ignoring my maternal instincts to a certain extent. All of a sudden I have a baby who wants to sleep in a swing and suck on a pacifier...uh...NOT MY KID!! It feels weird, it doesn't feel like I'm being the mom I know I can be, the mom I was for Lily, the mom I WANT to be for Norah. I feel like I'm sneaking in moments with Norah between telling Lily "No", cleaning up her messes, and trying to keep her from freaking out.

I know this is probably all very temporary...but I'm very ready for it to be over...

Oh transition...

Mae

We Are Family

2011-04-11T10:46:00.000-05:00

I can't believe this, but my family came up this weekend...and I didn't take a single picture.

I don't think my sisters or my mom actually put down their cameras, but I'm pretty ticked at myself for not even looking at my camera. They were only here on Saturday, but Lily had SO much fun.

On Sunday I snuck out to the grocery story with everyone... Don't tell my midwife :]

I enjoyed getting out of the house and loved all of the "oohs" and "ahhs" that Norah got being all snuggly in her hot sling. I got worn out pretty quick though, so when we came home Eamon let me nap with Norah while he took Rusty to the park.

My dad's family is sending me a double stroller this week [SO blessed!] and I can't wait to take the girls to the park soon. It's warming up here and we could all use the sunshine! This whole having two babies things is a little stressful at times, but at other times, it's second nature.

Speaking of blessings, I cannot thank my friends enough for all the help and food we've recieved this week. You ladies are AMAZING!