How To Wean A Tiger Lily

Do you see this face?

Tired, worn out, one might even venture into the realm of "to' up".

And this face?

This is Lily.

Going through withdrawals, I'm sure of it.

So what if I picked the worst pictures that I've ever seen of either of us...

It has been 72 hours since we started weaning. She has nursed [briefly!] only twice in this time [only bc I couldn't remove two very painful clogged ducts with my pump. Babies are the best suckers ;]

WHY

The short answer to this is: It didn't feel right anymore. For those of you who kept nursing your 5-546 year olds...you won't know what I mean. But for those of you who have unfortunately shared this experience...you know what I mean. I never thought I'd be so physically distraught because Lily was nursing, nor did I ever think I'd cry after getting over the first few days of newly nursing, but I was and I did.

HOW

Whenever we go through something new with Lily, I usually bitc...talk about it on Facebook, usually to comments saying "Let me know how it goes! I've been trying to do that with Soandso and NOTHING has worked!"

I have to say...I have never been a fan of that logic. There are a few exceptions, but most of the time that I get that "We've tried everything" it means they've tried two things, each for no more than a day, it didn't work right away, so they gave up. And it always annoys the crap out of me when they complain OVER AND OVER again about how they'd wish soandso would do suchandsuch when they never really tried.

So when it came time for Lily to quit her habit, I decided cold turkey was best. I know my family so well and anytime anyone tries to wean themselves off anything in my family...it never works. Wanna quit drinking? Don't buy anymore beer. Don't drink anymore beer. Stop smoking? Stop buying cigarettes . Don't smoke any cigarettes. Wanna get your 3 year old to stop sucking on a retarded binky? Throw the damn thing away. Don't buy any more binkies. I wanted to get Lily to stop breastfeeding. So I stopped breastfeeding her. That's it people. That's how it works. People write dumb books and make million dollars off of dvd series on what's the "Godliest way to Sleep Train your kid" but if you want something done, pray, and do it. SERIOUSLY. It sucks for a few days, but it will get better.

After the first 24, my boobs were bigger than Ms. Dolly Parton herself. I thought about taking a picture, but then thought my blog would get all sorts of unwanted attention. They were like...alien eggs. You could see all of the ducts and it was just freaky.

Ok, ok, enough about the physical details, right? How are we doing emotionally?

Better than I thought I'd be in some ways, worse in others.

I never, *ahem* NEVER thought I'd wean Lily. Mom's who wean their babies are selfish, uncaring, biatches who don't know what's best for their kids...said stupid me. I always thought about what a beautiful gesture of affection breastfeeding was for Lily, and for all babies. I always just assumed that with the lack of breastfeeding there was a lack of affection. What I failed to realize is that affection has to be shown in more creative ways. Kisses, holding, reading, sweet moments just sitting on the kitchen floor playing with pans, talking about what "Russ" could possibly be thinking about in his little dog brain have all been a lot more frequent around here.

That's all been wonderful.

The crying, hitting, scratching, and outright unrulliness of the first two days were not. I thought I was gonna break. But we've come out of it. We've gone to bed, taken naps, and even recovered from a Rusty V Lily battle...all without nursing.

I think we're gonna make it. I'll keep you posted on how we're doing in the meantime. I also want to thank you all for all of the supportive emails, phone calls, comments on FB, you've been rad and a half!!! Which reminds me....YOU ALL NEED TO COMMENT HERE!! There's a comment section for a reason ;] Don't be scurred.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Mae

5 Reasons I Can't Be a Model But Still Want To.

Since I was a little girl I can remember standing on my dresser [Ala, Vanessa from Little Mermaid] posing, pretending to be a famous model. Why? I have no idea. I was an awkward, short, hairy, halfbreed [and still am] And over the years I got the memo that most girls get stating that "my kind" need not apply for such beautifully shallow careers. When I realized I would never be skinny, it made it that much easier to just take this memo and pass it on to others.

So this morning when my yoga teacher said she could see me "becoming the face" of her prenatal yoga class, I blushed a little. It was seriously the most flattering thing anyone's ever said to me outside of my bedroom. Am I being a little crazy, uh, yes. Do I have an overactive imagination? Most days. But man, oh man, did this get me thinking. How cool would it be to be a pregnant model? I could be one of those bellies for the "before" on a stretch mark ad, or a model for American Apparel with all of their tattooed models that look like they probably smell bad...IT COULD TOTALLY WORK. But the more I thought about it, the more likely I am to be pictured in the downward dog position with my ginormous boobs blocking my face by a friend for her yoga company...sigh.

Want proof?

5 Reasons I Can't Be a Model But Still Want To

5. I have no racial identity. People look at me..."is she white? Is she meskin? Is she Thai? What the eff is she? I don't want to buy these shoes..."
4. I hate being naked...or "having the illusion" of being naked. [In front of people anyway...] I hate that being a model means you have to be naked or simulate nudity. It's gross. I don't want to see your bony ass, or boobs that look like they couldn't sustain a baby mouse, or your rib cage that resembles a twelve year old. And I SURE AS HECK don't want to see you dry humping someone else..male or female. And if I don't want to see you do it, chances are I'm not going to want to do it.
3. I'm a whale...OF A GOOD TIME!!! ...Ha? No but seriously, I have no motivation to be skinny enough to be a fashion model. And "Plus size modeling"...ya, that's a whole nuther bowl of cheerios...
2. I don't know how to SMEYES, or "smile with my eyes" as Miss Tyra says. BTW, Ty-duh, "Smile With My Eyes" In no way shortens to "SMEYES" I guess when you're a millionaire you can make up words like that and no one will question you.
1. I hate everything about materialism. Expensive lighting equipment, ugly clothes that could pay off my college loans, endangered species being worn as hats and thongs, and million dollar bras all make me vomit. [But I love everything about hair and makeup...who's production costs could probably cure AIDS, but whatever...]


So...it looks like I will never be a model. I guess I will just stick to cleaning house with a baby on my boob and one growing in my womb for the rest of my life...
Have a good Monday ;]


Mae

PEE ESS.
Eamon got the job :] More details soon!

Ahhhh, Sleep.

So, why haven't I been around?



I didn't want to jinx Lily's sleep.



Yup. It's true. She's actually been sleeping and I was afraid as soon as I said anything about it that she would develop vampire powers and stay up all night and suck all the milk out of me [cuz that's what baby vampires do if you didn't know]
So how did this blessed miracle occur? I'd love to tell you that It was all through the power of prayer and I just sat in my rocking chair one afternoon praying over her room and POOF magic baby sleeping powers...but no. It took work.

When she cried, I didn't bring her in my room. I wanted to, I thought it would be easier with me laying down and all that jazz, but I didn't. I got up, went in her room, rocked, sang, and only nursed her as a last resort. For the first few nights I did this up to six times a night. [Kill. Me. Now.] But for the past...almost week...here's been the routine

8:00- In bed [awake if possible, no more nursing to sleep]
1-2:30ish- Lily wakes up and I rock or nurse her
6-6:30 Lily wakes up and comes to our room to nurse/nap with mama and dada.

Cringe if you must, but this is a HUGE change in what was going on.
Also adding to the "Thank you, Jesus for rest" list would be my husband.
This week we had a sort of "staycation". He quit his dead end job on the 15th and has been home all week. [As we speak he's on "audition" number two at the perfect job for him/us, KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED!!!!] He's taken Lily to the pet store to let me get a nap, helped me cook when I feel like I'm gonna puke my brains out, helped me clean and do laundry, rubbed my back while I was bent over the toilet...it's been unreal.

Side note- My daughter is a freak. The first time I barfed she came to the toilet, laughed, and started hitting me in the head with the toilet lid. After a few times she knew that dada comes and rubs my back, so she started to pat my head and back when he's there. When Eamon was at work and I started to spill my guts, Lily stood in the doorway, one foot in, one foot out, looking up and down the hall saying "DADA!!!" checked back on me "DAAA-EEE" It was like she was saying "Uhhh, hey man, mom's doin that thing again, can you please get in here...I'm not certified for this" I wanted to laugh...but, you know.

I know some of you totally understand what it's like to have your husband gone 14 hours a day, or who have husbands that are working out of town most of the time, but I tell you what- women who don't, DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YO MAN! This new job could allow Eamon to be home for supper every night, to be here for bath and story time and still have time to do his school work at night. It seems too good to be true, but we're praying that it's not.

Well, Here's some pics of what we've been up to this week

On Eamon's last day he had me come take pictures of a few rolls that he loves to make. This is the caterpillar roll :] It was good. [YUP!!! Preggo eats a rainbow roll or 345089. Don't hate.]

We had a shrimp boil on Tuesday, DELISH!!!! That's how R-P-T we are.

While we were taking belly pics, Lily jumped in. She was like, HELLLLLOOOOO?!?! I'M the star, duh...

Ya, we're not related or anything...

Oh, so I know I was already...ahem, fluffy..before, but here's my gut baby :] Happy nine weeks to me!

Hope you have a great week everyone!
Mae

HELP!!!

I am at my wits end.

Lily will not. stop. nursing.
[Now before I go on, you listen here.
All of you "breastfeed til your kid is five" advocates can take your opinions and hush right now. And all of you "how could you put your boob in your kid's mouth in the first place?" jerks can take a hike. This is NOT the place or time to preach at me.]
If I am laying down [or sometimes just SITTING!] Lily feels as if it is her constitutional and God given right to be nursing right then and there. If not, begin the "I HATE YOU MAMA" screaming and hitting and scratching.

"So just nurse her" as my husband says. That leaves me nursing Lily as much as a newborn. I'm seriously crying because I'm so sick of it. I don't want to be mad at her and I don't want to be upset that I'm having to nurse her. My goal was 18 months but I feel as if I'm going to be a mindless mess of hair and fat in five more months if this keeps up. I haven't slept for more than 4 consecutive hours in at least two weeks. Combine that with holding back [or not] vomit everyday, trying to figure out where the poop smell is coming from in my house [it's just LINGERING!!!!] and worrying [which I should NOT be doing] about whether or not we're going to be able to pay rent next month [this is Eamon's last week of work] and you've got a pretty useless mama.
AS WE SPEAK: Lily is trying to rip off my dress to nurse even though she "nursed" less than twenty minutes ago, and twenty minutes before that...
So, what do I do? Do I try and wean her and deal with the days of her screaming at me without actually being secure in my decision? Do I "stick it out bc it should only last a few more days"? Do I run away to Mexico and poop this baby out and come back with an awesome tan?


What to do, what to do...
Mae

Meet Our Baby

We've had a very busy, but GOOD morning here. Lily and Eamon are actually napping together right now, it's really cute.
Well, we were confused as to just how old this baby was [and whether or not it was one or two!] so we went to the ultrasound clinic to check on the bean.

Meet Rhys or Norah [or whatever God says it's name should be ;]

He or she is the size of a little blueberry, only seven weeks old [but somehow still causing quite a ruckus in there!]

Eamon and I have decided to only have one ultrasound unless something goes wrong, and not to find out the sex until his/her birthday so the rest of it's journey will be a mystery to us! We love you SOOOO much little one, even Lily. [Even though she tried to crush you during our sneak peak. She IS sweet, I promise]

Hope you all have a loverly Tuesday!
Mae

Bad Wifey, BAD!

So, somewhere between throwing up, successfully teaching Lily her eyes, nose, and mouth, eating and being repulsed by everything in sight...

I've forgotten how to be a good wife.

Seriously. On about day three of this funk, I realized what was going on but was WAY too proud to admit it. I kept saying "But I'm in my first trimester, all of my other friend's husband bend over backwards for them, WAAAAAAH!!!"
Sidenote: It pisses me off beyond belief when women gab about how amazing their husbands are all. day. long. "oh, my husband is SOOOOO PERFECT, blah blah blah" They sit there on Facebook, Twitter and their blogs building up their expectations of their husbands SO HIGH that when they aren't met that everything falls in their lap like a crappy plate of spaghetti. FACT: A young lady I know did this so much I cut her out of my "social networking life", gay, I know. But it turned out their marriage didn't even last a year! Come on ladies, keep it real. I'm not saying air your dirty laundry, but when you do this sort of thing not only are you creating false expectations of men for the women around you, but you're setting yourself up for failure.
So then after a few days of feeling sorry for myself and truly convincing myself that I was doing everything humanly possible to keep up with the house- Eamon called my bluff. Seemingly out of nowhere [preg-nant] Eamon said the words I'd been fearing all week "I just don't know what you DO all day!?!?"

In my head I started scrambling to put together a list of "what I do's" to prove him wrong...but he was right. I've totally been laying around, half assing all of the chores, not giving my best effort. I AM pleased to say that Facebook wasn't the culpret this time around. There have been times in my life where I have very, VERY guilty of sitting on FB bouncing from profile to profile...wasting my life. Not the case anymore, THANK JESUS.

I got this tattoo about a month ago
For a few weeks I was totally inspired, totally convicted, every day. After about a week of...not being an Industrious Woman, I finally remembered why the heck I did this.

Proverbs 31:10-31

¹⁰ ^c]">[c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Here's to being inspired by this woman, and here's to me getting the energy and motivation to keep up with my home!
Mae

NO! SLEEP! TIL BROOKLYN! [style pizza]

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Guess who went to bed at 11 last night in hopes of a long, luxurious sleep?
Me!!!

But wait...who only got four hours of sleep [which is probably the most she's had all week!] las night?
MEE!!!

I don't know how many of you follow me on Twitter and Facebook, but I have said before that Lily wakes up from a dead sleep anytime we have pizza, it's kinda scary actually. She loves it. 90% of the time it's homemade so I don't mind but last night we ordered Domino's.

Let's back up a little bit further.
We have NO groceries in our house. None. Nada. Last night I improv'd dinner and it wasn't good. Or filling. For me anyway.
I did have some chicken that we needed to finish off, a can of crushed tomatoes and some onions and some cous cous. So I made "soup" out of the tomatoes, water, salt, onions and garlic, and a little milk. It was gross. I served it over cous cous and ate two bowls because I was so hungry. Lily ate two wings and a leg of the chicken. I was so excited. The more protein she eats, the harder she sleeps. I ate supper with her even though I usually eat when Eamon comes home because I was so hungry and planning on going to bed early.

I got her to sleep, NO problem. Cleaned up the house, blogged, relaxed, was ready for Eamon to come home and go to sleep. But at 930 [when Eamon gets off of work] I got so hungry I almost puked. He usually gets out at about 935 so I called him at 940 to ask him to pick me up some more food. No answer. At 942 he walked in the door.
WWWHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!!
Usually, I'd be thrilled that he was home twenty minutes early. But my stomach was eating itself and I was trying not to show him I was pissed. He didn't feel good so he headed home early. I really didn't want to be the horrible wife that slapped her sick husband for not feeding her.

I panicked! No food, pregnant woman, hormones, sick husband...WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!?!
I went to the Domino's website. Ordered a LARGE mushroom Brooklyn style pizza. And waited as though I might die if the delivery guy didn't show up in the next ten seconds. I watched the computer screen INTENTLY watching the progress bar as it went from "taking your order" to "prep" to "bake" to "quality check" to "delivery."
Juan finally arrived with our..ahem, MY pizza. I sat down, opened the box, inhaled the chemical concoction smell that filled the air, and heard Lily wake up. I SWEAR, this kid KNOWS when there is pizza in the house. I had a theory that she just heard the oven timer go off and that she just knew THAT meant pizza. Nope. She got out of bed, walked down the hallway and waited to see if I indeed had pizza. I finally came out of the corner I was hiding in and she waddled over sticking her hands out waiting for her slice. I gave her a piece of crust and let her sit with us while we watched The Office. Eamon ate one slice and Lily ate one bite of one of my slices. I ate the rest. Every last bite.

Then it hit me [no, not that I was poisening my unborn child] Lily was up. LILY WAS UP! I'm supposed to be going to sleep and LILY IS UP!!!!!!

So, eight times last night I put Lily back in bed. Rocked her, tried not to nurse her too much, rubbed her tummy, sang...whatever it took.
At FOUR THIRTY she gave up the fight. Untill about 630. She then took her baby doll, and blanket and came into our room, for the eighth time. And I gave up. Whatever kid.

SOMEHOW she is alive and perky this morning and I look like a zombie.

So, all of that was to just give you some back story to my question,
Anyone have some crack cocain?

Mae