The Birth of Norah Jean: Part Two

Go here to read Part One

It was about 7:30 pm on Tuesday night, and the work was here. All of my warm up labor, and all of the discomfort had paid off, my body was working, just in a way I hadn't expected it to. It wouldn't conform to any of my expectations that night.

My birth pool had water in it from that morning so it had gone cold. We didn't have a sump tank. Everyone looked around at each other for a minute and then someone said "Let's get some buckets!" Eamon went with me to the living room to labor on the birth ball while my diligent team emptied and refilled the tub. I actually had no idea what was going on until I heard Lily CRACKING UP in our bedroom. Apparently all of the ladies were in there with pots and bowls scooping out water little by little and throwing it over our back porch balcony. Lily thought it was hilarious.

When the tub was ready, I asked for some time to have to just Eamon and myself. I loved this. Eamon prayed over my delivery and set my mind at ease that we were going to have this baby tonight. Before we were done he laid his hands on my belly and just talked to our little unborn child. He didn't say a word out loud, but I could feel every bit of emotion that he was emitting to our little one. More than I was ready to meet this baby myself, I was ready for Eamon to meet him/her.

Us laboring together after our time of prayer

The clock continued to tick and I knew Lily would need to go to bed soon. In my head I was so upset. The night before I went to a Mom's Group and wasn't home in time to put Lily to bed. I had been making it a very special time for the two of us the past few months and it was something I looked forward to. I would bathe her, comb her hair, read to her, just made her feel extra special in case I went into labor that night. I was sad that I hadn't got to the night before and was sort of jealous of Eamon. He said "Well maybe you can read her a story before she goes to sleep?" Capital idea, Watson! As Eamon went into her room to get her ready for bed...I started to climb out of the tub. Wait, WHAT?!? Yeah, I wasn't exactly thinking that one through. Just as I started getting out Eamon walked in with Lily "WHAT are you doing?! Sit back down!" Eamon brought her to the side of the pool and through a contraction or two, I read Goodnight Moon to my baby girl one last time as an only child. 

Thank you so much Michelle, this one's hanging up in her room ♥

With Lily asleep in her bed [that's where she stayed all night, a miracle I tell you!] I knew it was time to get serious about having this baby. Contraction after contraction came...but it felt different. I remembered being in the pool with Lily. I remember what my breath felt like in my chest. I remember what the pressure felt like in my womb. I remember the relief the water gave me. Only the last of those memories were becoming familiar. My contractions were not long, they were not close together, but they were painful. The water did make them feel so much better, but there was still something off. Then I felt another change. My contractions were only down really low, and I felt like the urge to push was just around the corner. Everyone thought pushing was just minutes away.

Since I started becoming a bit too uncomfortable, I thought maybe I should try to go use the restroom and come right back out. I was still excited. I still smiled in between all of my contractions, I still cracked a joke here and there, and I still was hopeful that it was only going to be a little longer. The clock read a little before 9 as I made my way to the bathroom...
"Any minute now," I thought "Any minute..."

An hour passed.
I went back and forth from the tub, to the toilet, to the bed.
I squatted. I got on all fours. I sat on my ball.
Another hour passed.
I looked at the clock. I got mad.

What was going on? We knew baby was posterior on and off. I knew that must be what was making this hard, but why were my contractions anywhere from 5-15 minutes apart? Didn't my body know what it was doing? Why was this happening to me?
I was trying to keep a brave face and with Leila holding my right hand and Eamon holding my left, I labored some more on the toilet. Adrenalin took over my body and I couldn't stop shaking. I was mad. Why was the Lord abandoning me now? I needed Him! Where was He?!
"This is too hard!!! I can't do this! I'm going to the hospital, this is not supposed to be this hard for me! Why are you doing this to me and my baby?!?"
The pain was overwhelming. My internal dialog was getting hard to hide. For quite a while, the only two things keeping me from saying, "Screw this, take me to a hospital" were the facts that I didn't want to have any of these contractions in the car and that we didn't have anyone to watch Lily.
On the toilet once more, I reached down because I could not understand what the pressure was I was feeling. I felt...bulgy, but there was no baby. I had my midwife check me.
"Can you even feel the head?" I asked her. She said she definitely could, but that my bag of water was in the way of Baby's head engaging. She pulled her fingers out and then asked "Can you feel this?" as she inserted one finger just to her fingernail. I could, it felt like she was touching me-but not. "That's your bag of water" she said. She told me that there was a lip on my cervix that wasn't melting away and that Baby couldn't engage.
I had asked my midwife to call my chiropractor midwife friend, Cindy, to come and adjust me. When I found out she made it, I made my way down the hall to the living room to get adjusted on the couch. In my head I was still yelling. In my heart I was breaking down, not knowing where to turn to. Cindy adjusted me and I laid there on the couch.
I felt my contractions slow down even more. My heart was sinking so low...I don't know where it really went. Someone started to say something and I just couldn't keep it in anymore.
"What's wrong with my body?! Why isn't it working?!?"
I was broken. My cervix, my thoughts, my heart, they were all working against each other. I looked to my midwife and my doula for some sort of answer. I didn't get one I wanted. Angela told me that they were going to stay in the living room while Eamon and I went to rest in the bedroom. As she was telling me this I searched Eamon's eyes for some answers. I wanted him to tell me what to do, I wanted him to tell me that this was going to be over soon, I wanted him to make this easy for me.
My midwives, doula, photographer, and best friend watched me walk back down the hallway with Eamon's help. I cried the whole way there and broke down between contractions. He whispered in my ear "Whatever questions you have babe, I can't answer those for you. I know you want us to, and I know we might have some good ones, but they aren't our questions to answer." We laid down on our bed, and I began to fight it out with God in between contractions.

I can't really explain what happened, but I came to a point of surrender. I had hit this pit that seemed impossible to crawl out of and I realized I needed God. I couldn't do this, but He could. I called my birth team back in to our room and told them I needed them too. Eamon says at this point in labor I sounded like I was giving a sermon...whatever that means :] But during every single contraction I had to cry out to the Lord with my heart and say "I'm not strong enough, I can't do this, but you CAN! Finish this contraction for me, please Jesus!" and with each wave of contractions I got a little bit of relief. But sadly, there was no progress.
Angela checked me, she was contemplating breaking my water for me since I had tried every single thing we could think of. Ann was supposed to be assisting, but she was in the hospital with her husband that night. Instead, her mentor and partner, Donna Miller, had come in her place. Throughout the labor she had just sat to the side praying, keeping quiet, letting my body work. Angela asked me if it was ok if Donna checked me so she could get a second opinion. During another contraction Donna tried to diagnose the situation. When we asked her what she thought was going on she said
"Well she's a 7-8"
Before she could finished I yelled "NO!!!" I had just surrendered, I had not been laboring for almost seven hours at the same 7 centimeters...
But she reassured me and said "BUT when she has a contraction, she's complete. I just know if we break her water that she can push that Baby's head down."
At my follow up appointment I found out three things. One, even when I was complete, there was still a lip on my cervix. Two, my baby was still posterior before they broke my water. Three, Donna Miller never breaks water.
So confident that my baby wasn't at risk, and neither was I, Angela broke my water while I lay on the edge of my bed, again holding Eamon and Leila's hands. I tried every position I could think of that would bring my baby into my birth canal. At one point I got down on my hands and knees. I couldn't even stay up on my own. I could hear the Lord calling me to continue to surrender to Him. He was going to help me.

I felt like I needed to get back on my bed. Suddenly I found myself in the same position I was in when I birthed Lily. Angela wanted to check me one more time to see if I made any progress. Then a powerhouse contraction hit me. I remembered this! This felt familiar, this felt good! I couldn't control my voice and I let out every breath of air in my body. I heard Angela say "GOOD MAE! Baby's head is coming down!" I couldn't stop! The contraction kept going so I kept pushing! This was right. This was the way I remembered my body working. Everyone started to cheer me on. I heard Eamon say "We're about to meet our baby!" I got my excitement back, I reclaimed my joy. Another contraction hit. "Ok, the head is crowning, Mae!" Angela started to say. I still could not stop! "There's the head! The head is out!" Eamon was sitting up and I could hear the excitement in his voice "I can see it!" Another contraction hit right after that and I could hear everyone tell me to slow down, but I couldn't!

I felt the relieving familiar feeling of a warm, slimy baby slip right out of me.
I heard Angela say "Your baby's out Mae!!!"
The buzz around me was unreal. My body did NOT fail. It remembered exactly how to do this, and it did amazing! In three pushes [less than five minutes] I took my baby from a negative station, to out on my chest.

Angela brought this tiny, squishy being up to my chest, just like she had with Lily. Eamon got to see the face before I did and with ecstatic joy in his heart he said "It looked right at me!" [Lily didn't look at Eamon for weeks, it broke both of our hearts] Angela asked "So is it a boy or girl, Dad?!" Both of us knew as soon as she asked, and Eamon said "It's a girl! Norah!" He laid down close to me as she wiggled around on my chest. I said "We have two girls, babe!" and he said "I have THREE!" 

As she rooted around on my chest, I said "I'm done! Yes! Praise Jesus!" and Angela reminded me "You still owe me a placenta, Mae." I had nothing to else to say but an emphatic "Shit." Everyone laughed, I was embarrassed :]

Finally, she was here. My arms were full. My Lord finished what He started. I wasn't bitter. I wasn't mad. I was full of joy. She was here.

While Norah was waiting for me to get out of the bath, she decided she needed to eat...now.

I couldn't believe that I had done it. I also couldn't believe that Lily [who wakes up at even the mention of any...uh, night time schinanigans...] slept through the whole thing. But right on queue, she woke up just in time for Norah's newborn exam. She looked at me like "OH! Angela finally brought that baby you guys keep talkin about!" This was the first time she got to see and touch her baby sister. I'm so glad she woke up.

Norah Jean Burke

March 31, 2011

2:18 am

 7 pounds 15 oz

22 inches long

 Everyone got a good night's sleep that..well, morning. The birth team left by about four, and Lily was back in her bed. I woke up to see her laying there next to me, remembered what I had just gone through to get her, and thanked God for every second of it. Donna came by later that afternoon to get her purse and said
"I am so proud of you, you are such a strong woman. Not many women can do what you did."
I said "No, I'm not strong, that wasn't me, that was Jesus."
She laughed and said, "Ya, but you have to be willing to let Jesus work through you."
I took her compliment and said "Well maybe THAT'S why it took so long!!!"
We both had a good laugh. I knew what she meant, but it's still really hard for me to say "I did it" after all I went through. He did it.





I love Norah's story. I don't feel like I got jipped. I don't feel like I would have done anything differently. My baby is here and she taught me things that I don't think I would have wanted to learn any other way.

I can't wait for you to get to know her with me :]

Mae

You can go here to view Norah's slideshow.

The Birth of Norah Jean: Part One

"This Baby is just gonna fall right out of you!"
"Call me as soon as you even think something is happening, I don't want to miss it!"
"As soon as your body gets going, WHAM! Baby is gonna be here"

Since the moment we found out I was pregnant, these are the sort of things that were said to me on a daily basis.

So why was I sitting on my toilet, during my sixth hour of transition praying to God
"I can't do this. I'm not strong enough, Jesus. Finish this contraction for me."?

The answer is pretty simple now, that's what I prayed for.

Monday night I started having bloody show and contractions that were about 7-10 minutes apart.
On and off they went all day Tuesday.
By Wednesday morning they were getting strong so I had Eamon stay home from work. My contractions weren't getting longer, but they were getting stronger and a little bit closer together. When they hit 6 minutes apart, I called my birth team. I think I even texted Michelle, our birth photographer, "Today's the day!!! We're finally going to meet my Baby!!"

Eamon and I were both excited, we labored quietly throughout the morning for a few hours and started welcoming our birth team as they came in, all anxious to see this butter birth we were all expecting.
About an hour later...I felt my body slowing down. I began to panic a little bit inside, wondering if anyone else had noticed. They had. Angela sent me to go on a walk with Leila, my doula, to see if we couldn't get the contractions to get longer and closer together. It didn't work. They were still only coming every 7+ minutes and were only 45 seconds long. I told Leila as we walked back to my apartment that I was scared that I was stopping, that it wasn't time, that everyone was going to go home and that my body tricked me again. She told me not to think about it and to just keep breathing.
Sure enough, the talk came soon after that.
Angela told me [just as I've told other women] that sometimes a woman's body will feel like it's under pressure to preform, and that just makes things slow down. All I could think was "Ya...other women...You've seen me have babies, you know I'm not 'other women'. Why am I doing this??"
She explained to me that everyone was going to leave, but stay close by to let my body rest and hopefully make a strong come back. I was told to call if I felt like I needed anything.

I felt betrayed by my body.
Again, I gave into the "trick" of false labor, is what I kept thinking. I sent out a text to my prayer team that today was probably not the day after all but to keep praying that it would be soon. I was so afraid that I wasn't going to call my team in time, or that it would be fast and I wouldn't be able to deal with the emotions that come along with a fast labor so I prayed that my labor would progress gradually like Lily's to allow "God to do what He needs to do with me" Sometimes, I don't really understand the things that I'm praying for :]

I went to my chiropractor's office to get adjusted that afternoon which brought on some nice, strong, close together contractions. Baby was still feeling posterior, so my midwife had me start taking a homeopathic treatment that could possibly help turn them into the right position.
We went home and tried to nap. I was already exhausted and knew that since it was Lily's naptime that I better try and get some rest since I wasn't sure how many more days of this nonsense I was going to have to put up with.

Naptime came and went and while Eamon was preparing supper, I found myself doubled over on the floor.
"What is going on?!" I thought. My contractions weren't any closer together, they were anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart but I felt exactly like I did during the 20 mins of transition with Lily. I texted Angela "I feel like I'm in transition, I know that's probably not right, but these are getting really painful" She called and told me to time some contractions and give her a call in about thirty minutes.
Ten minutes passed and I knew I was in transition. I called her and said "I can't wait thirty more minutes, I need you now." Then I called Leila and said "I think it's time for you to come!" during a really intense contraction. I let my friend Katie know what was going on and asked her to come and help us with Lily. Supper time is not the most convenient time to have a baby when you have a toddler ;] I told Michelle that everyone was on their way over and that I'd let her know what my progress was once I had Angela check me that way she wouldn't have to come all the way out here for nothing again.

Everyone was here, and I wasn't slowing down.
Eamon set supper up for Lily with Katie, and came back into our bedroom for Angela to check me. I was a little bit nervous...ok, I was scared out of my mind that I wasn't progressing. But with Eamon on one side of me, and Leila on the other, Angela let me know that I was dilated to 7-8 cms!
The room let out a unanimous "PRAISE JESUS!" and the Hallelujah chorus was ringing in the background...well, at least it was in my head.

I figured being a second time mom I had a few hours, TOPS, before I met this cute little mystery baby, and I was ready.

It was time to work.

Go here to ready Part Two

First Day of Spring

The weather has been absolutely beautiful lately, and the first day of spring marks just another day that I'm still pregnant :]

I got a LOVELY gift yesterday from some sweet friends of mine, Esther, Lesley, and my doula Leila. They came over with cleaners and brooms and trash bags, and scrubbed the dirty out of my apartment!! I feel like such a failure sometimes for not being able to keep the house clean like I want it to be, but each one of them said "Oh, you can't do that when chasing toddlers" Ha! So my kitchen and bathrooms are sparkling and my living room and bedrooms are cozy and tidy...it's SO nice. Eamon took Lily on a date while the ladies cleaned up. When he came back he said "...So...they just came over to clean our house?" YUP! "...that's SO weird!" It is so foreign to the both of us to just have friends who do stuff for you just because! They're such a light of Jesus...

Ah...

Anyway, I feel like there is such a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Every night when I go to bed I think "But if I go into labor tonight I'll have this and this and this to do" It's kinda been stressing me out. But now everything is set up. The pool is inflated, hoses are ready, all of the supplies are where the midwives and doula can get to them, a girl's and boy's outfit are picked, my postpartum basket and a baby essentials basket are filled and accessible, Lily's activities are planned out for her and daddy. It's all coming together :]

I'm now starting to prepare myself for being pregnant past the 40 weeks, even though I'm already so uncomfortable and so ready. Yesterday I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to cramps and irregular contractions, but they stopped after a few hours and then I got nada, lol.

Here are the stats

• 39.5 weeks pregnant
• 30 pounds gained [I've been walking 30 mins every night to get ready for the birth and to build momentum for post partum]
• just now getting swollen fingers and feet
• appetite is not as monstrous as it was
• sleep is not coming easily
• Baby's head is way...WAAAY down low
• and I wouldn't be surprised if at any moment my legs separated from my hips in order to let my hips splay out more

Well this is my Due Date week, let's see if any of your predictions come true :]
Mae

Actually, I'm Not That Brave

When you get married, you quickly find out that there is a right way to be married, and a wrong way, and everyone has an opinion on what is right and what is wrong.
When you get pregnant and become a parent...the opinions grow and intensify.
From "feed that baby whenever they cry" to "let that baby cry it out" to shots, to food, to books...it's never ending! Sometimes I think either Lily or I would have died if it weren't for  the advice we got, other times I wish I would have never asked!

One of the most aggravating things I've been told since we got pregnant with Lily was
"Wow...You're really...brave for having a homebirth. I just like the safety of having the doctors there, I guess."

Why is it so aggravating? Because they don't mean "brave". They mean "irresponsible", often times "credulous" or "impulsive", but most likely "stupid."

They think some woman wearing overalls and a bandanna, or a muted dress covering her head to toe will come into our house with a small bag of towels and weed and sit idly by while a mother lays in her bed screaming in agonizing pain. They usually don't understand that they go through many years of schooling and apprenticing, attending dozens [sometimes hundreds!] of births before they are certified [unlike OB's who are trained for surgery, and rarely see a live birth before they graduate medical school]. 

After doing a lot more research than most people do when they birth in a hospital [IMO], Eamon and I decided very early on in Lily's pregnancy that if remained low risk and healthy, there was no reason I shouldn't use a midwife. And if we were going to use a midwife, I might as well birth at home. [Getting in a car during transition to go to the birth center or hospital just sounds like hell to me, lol!] Our home birth was a huge success, so when we got pregnant this time, we of course chose the same path.

After a few changes in the line up, lots of prayer and joy, I'm happy to introduce my birth team to you :]

Angela Friesen: As you can see, not much brings her more joy than watching a mama pull her baby up to her chest. God told her that she was supposed to be at Lily's birth last time, EVEN THOUGH I had hired someone else, and low and behold, she ended up catching my sweet girl! There was never a doubt we wanted her here to help us bring Number Two along.

Photo Credit: Amanda Gipson Taken just a few months ago at Mama J's birth of Baby B :]

Ann Crowell: Ann also attended Lily's birth, just in the nick of time too! She has attended THOUSANDS of natural births over the past 20 years. [She has THE BEST stories of any woman I know!] Please indulge me while I brag a little bit ;] During a birth convention not too long ago there was a woman representing a local hospital bragging about the fact that her cesarean section rate was about 20%. I kind of rolled my eyes thinking "Ya, but crisis rate is 30%, so you're not really doing so hot lady..." Then Ann was asked what hers was. She's been at this a lot longer than that woman, so her percentage must be a lot higher, right? WRONG! Ann's cesarean rate is less than 2%. Eamon and I don't feel that our decision to birth with her on staff is "brave" at all ;]

                           

Photo Credit: Michelle Monk! She's our sweet friend who will be here for Baby's birth. This was taken just a few minutes after Ann delivered her own granddaughter, Hazel, just a few weeks ago <3

Leila Farber: Leila will be our doula. She will be the first person to come over, and will let the midwives know when it's time to come. Doula literally means "woman who serves". They are women who provide non medical support for women during their pregnancy, labor, and even post-partum. Luckily for us, Leila worked in the NICU as a nurse for years before deciding to become DONA certified. Again, I wouldn't say the decision to hire her was misinformed. She has become a dear friend and I'm very grateful that she will be there to assist Eamon and I in whatever way possible :]

Photo Credit: Me! I got to shoot her and her lovely boys a few months ago. Isn't she GORGEOUS?

So as you can see, I don't plan on going into this alone, and we've spent lots of time preparing for exactly who will be helping us. In just a few short weeks I'll be making "The Call" through some contractions and these women will head on over, bless us with their amazing medical and biblical knowledge, and welcome sweet Rhys or Norah with us in the comfort and safety of our bedroom. 

Hope you've all had a wonderful weekend! Only THREE more posts til my 200th blog entry extravaganza! [I'm a bit dramatic sometimes...]

Mae

Nothing to fear but Fear itself.

This was me last week

"And what if all this puking causes me to miscarry?"

"And what if my hips don't hold up like they did last time and I can't push my baby out?"

"What if I'm disappointed that it's a boy/girl?"

"What if Eamon is disappointed that it's a girl?!"

"I'm eating too much Bueno, he/she isn't getting enough nutrition." [beans are the ONLY thing that calms my stomach.]

"Is this just cramping or is this baby coming early?"

"What if Lily kicked me too hard this morning"

And the worst

"I'm not going to get to keep this baby."

This last thought has been in my head since the day I took a pregnancy test. I don't know if it's a lie from Satan, or the Lord trying to prepare my heart. Trust me, I've tried to figure it out.

The month before we got pregnant, June, Eamon and I had sex when I was ovulating. Shortly after I started getting fatigued, nauseated, I felt it. We were pregnant, I was sure of it. I started making plans to tell my family and friends at Lily's birthday party, planning to make her baby wear a onsie with the estimated due date on it. I was so excited-and late. I drove myself crazy with tests. I took eleven to be exact. Yup, ELEVEN tests. They all came back negative. But I "knew" I was pregnant. Well...needless to say, a heavy, hard, painful period came eventually. I went to the bathroom and noticed, and Eamon heard me whimpering from the living room. I could tell he was disappointed too. He tried his best to reassure me that it wasn't a miscarriage, that I was just late, [I never did get a positive test after all] but it didn't stop me from sobbing myself to sleep that night. That was the last time I thought it was miscarriage. After that I put it out of my mind and focused on the future, waiting till we moved to Austin and till Lily was a little bit older. The next month, obviously, we got pregnant when there was absolutely no way we should have. I was supposed to have started my period on our conception date. THis is the SECOND pregnancy that this has happened.

So, once a week for the eleven weeks that I've known about this beautiful baby inside me, I've hear this awful thing in my ear

"This baby isn't yours to keep"

I heard it when I was still nursing Lily, then thinking that it meant that Lily was taking from the baby. Nope, that wasn't it. I heard it again this week when I caught a stomach bug and couldn't stand up without puking. I spent most of the afternoon on my hands and knees crying and puking, crying and praying, crying and arguing with Eamon, crying and wanting my midwife there. I thought all the puking would cause contractions and throw baby into early labor. Nope, we survived. All night the little bean kicked and swam around, reassuring me that we were gonna be ok. I heard it again yesterday when after throwing up I had a cramp/contraction right at the top of my uterus that wouldn't let go. I laid on our living room floor with a heating pad praying the pain would go away, and that my fearful mind would cease it's doubts. Eventually it all stopped.

This morning, something came back into the front of my mind that I'm not sure what to think about. I think it's shameful when women try to make more of a situation to make themselves feel included, or to create more drama for themselves so know that is NOT what I'm doing. But I started thinking:

"What if my body is trying to grieve for the other baby?"

Again, I never got a positive pregnancy test. I never had the time to show, I don't even know if I had time for the little bean to attach. And I in no way WANT to have had a miscarriage, and I in no way can relate to the pain many of my friends have had over their lost children. But still...it makes since to me. What if the possible denial has driven me to doubt my body, my baby, MY GOD during this pregnancy?

After struggling with this I decided to start this week off new.

Last week I was very lucky to surround myself with women who love birth, who love me, and love Jesus. I went to a "Birth Stories" night at the birth center where the midwives got to tell their most amazing birth stories, and I'm not gonna lie, it felt good to hear midwife say that my birth was the best she's seen... I've had a few heart to heart's with women who have shown me support when I didn't know I needed or wanted it, and I've got everything planned out to have a peaceful, safe birth for this child THAT WILL MAKE IT. You'd think with all of my doubts I would start planning for a hospital birth, but it's done nothing but reassure me that I want to be in my own home surrounded by those who love me, who will sing praises with Jesus with me, who will kneel on their knees for hours to watch me and my baby labor, who will lay down their everything to be with us in those few hours.

I wanted to share with you who I plan to have my birth this week, even though I know I've got a long way to go.

Midwife #1 Angela Friesen: She was at Lily's birth and after hanging out with her this week, I'm even more excited to have her here for the next one, to pray patiently over me, and to remind me, You're having a baby...it hurts ;]

Midwife #2 Sarah Jones: The first new addition to our team this time around, I'm really excited for Sarah to be there to assist Angela in whatever she may need.

Doula Leila Farber: We will actually be having dinner with her when we come back from Rockport to make sure she's the perfect fit for us, but I've got a feeling she's gonna be exactly what we...I...need. She'll be there for me when Eamon can't and be there for Eamon when he is exhausted.

Birth Photographer Michelle Monk: I really wanted her at my last birth, but she hadn't done many births at the time and we had already hired Lynsey. She's become and amazing friend and I can't wait for her to share this experience with us as well as capture it.

The Husband Eamon: Without him, I don't think I would be able to do it. How men leave their wives in the hands of ahem..."professionals" at the hospital [or at home!!!] to go watch a game or play on their phone while their wife is going through the most life changing experience they will ever have baffles me. Eamon was my rock.

These are the people I will continue to look to for positivity and encouragement throughout the rest of this pregnancy [as well as a few other close friends] I'm extremely happy to have them and am actually really excited to see this growing into such a beautiful experience.

So here's to a new week! I hope that God shows you how to come out of whatever fear you may be trapped in and that you learn to TRUST even if it's the hardest, most unrealistic thing to do in your life...or so it may seem.

Mae