Sh*t Happens. Again. And Blood. And Boogers.

There's a crap stain on the carpet from where Rusty got sick yesterday.

There's a cockroach party in our trash can that I can't conquer.

There's unanswered emails, two whining babies, a husband left unsupported, and an uninspired wife/mama/small business owner.

Today I don't want to keep up appearances, or go out of my way to make everyone happy on my own merit. I want to tell every photographer that's emailed me "I'm starting my own nursing photography too!!!" Well aren't you creative?

Which all make me want to fall on my face, beg Our Father for forgiveness, and just praise Him. Praise Him til my throat is soar and my knees can't hold me up. Without hearing babies whine or Elmo "la-la-la-la-ing". But I can't. Right?

Today is one of those days I seriously have to question whether or not I'm upholding our first and most important commandment. 

I wrote that on Monday morning.
Everything got crazy and I stopped typing. While making dinner that night, Lily stuck her hand in a can of olives, got it stuck and nearly sliced the pad off of her middle finger. While trying to wrap it, I passed out...the blood. Supper's still cooking on the stove, Norah's crawling around on the floor, there's blood all over the girl's bathroom sink, Lily's freaked the eff out, Eamon's trying to pin her to get the damn gauze on her hand, and I lay there trying to snap out of it and get up but I can't. I have a shoot in an hour. Everything calms down, Eamon gets Lily everything she needs at CVS, I regain consciousnesses, save supper, do my shoot [in a Motley crew tshirt and basketball shorts. gag.] come home.
Tuesday. La-dee-da. Get errands done, have make-up on and eyebrows plucked, didn't shave my legs, but who cares, feelin good about the day. Naptime comes, Lily wakes up an hour early. Crying. Slobbering, boogering, crying. Everything is "hug" "I okay, I know, I know" cry, cry, cry. I think , "Surely, dear Jesus who loves me and all the little children of the world, she can't cry all the way to Southlake, through dinner, and grocery shopping, LET'S GO!!" As we're driving the 30 mins to Southlake, the tears are still coming, the tweets are sounding more irritated, Norah's like "What the hell is wrong with sister? Who took her booby away?" and I'm starting to think...maybe she's not just throwing a fit. We get into Central Market, order [through Lily's sobbing] sit down, and wait, while Lily insists on being held by daddy, still sobbing. Food gets to our table and Eamon orders me to suggests we get to go boxes and eat in the car. We do. Lily passes out in the car seat before we even leave the parking lot. Norah starts fussing. God hears me question His plan for my life and quietens her down. Eamon drops us all off at the house, Lily falls asleep in my arms, naked, watching Sesame Street. I wake her after feeling the drool on my arm [still an hour before bedtime] and she says "Mama, ni-night, fwees?" How could I say no. Pj's on, tucked in bed. As we're saying prayers Lily nods and "Yeth, mmmhhhmm"s to my desperate plee to Jesus in asking to break her gums and bring forth pearly whites. Norah and I play til daddy gets home. Dad's home, we're all pooped, Norah decided to play "Norah the Explorer" in our bed, gets some milk and finally goes to sleep.
The rest of the night was "waaAAAAAAHHHHH, MAMA!!!!"
*put shirt back on* "coming sweetie"
"I' hurts, mama, hurts!"
Lay in Lily's bed, get her to sleep, remember I have another baby back in my bed that will eventually need nursing.
Go back to my bed, hear the crying, see creepy baby figure in doorway, invite said creep figure into my bed, get woken up 30 mins by pain screaming, followed by puke.
Clean up, fall asleep, wake to screaming and "I be ri' back" from Lily. She does be ri' back, crying because she's tripping over the small selection of Linens & Things that she is carting into our room as she prepares a tent for Jesus' homecoming gets her stuff in our bed.
Barf, rinse, repeat.

'Tis now Wednesday.
I've got a fire roaring in my belly and a sleep deprived brain that can't accurately articulate my thoughts. What do I do? Apparently let it spew all over the innocent bystanders of the internet with disregard to who it burns.
No pictures today folks. Just a poop stain on the carpet, a baby with a finger condom and a rambling, half insane mama.

Who's Gotta Potty?

At my baby shower one of my friends said "Oh, Mae...one of these two has a stinky diaper"

I thought "Uh...it's not Lily, she doesn't crap in her pants anymore, duh!?"

Then I realized I sounded an awful like I did a few months ago when this blessed incident happened. To try and avoid a second, prideful, poop slap in the face, I went over and checked anyway.

SUCCESS!!!

The poop smell was not coming from my child!
But I kid you not, I ran to my hostess's bathroom like lightening [for a pregnant woman, anyway] just in case she was about to pee/poop. In my rush I made Lily drop the bottom half of her pants in the toilet. At my baby shower. I walked out red faced as Lily walked out happy as can be looking like Huckleberry Finn with her little pants rolled up to her thighs. This only happens to me, people...only me...

Lily has actually pooped in her diaper 3 times in the past 4 months, it's pretty exciting!
Even though I swore up and down that I would NOT have two babies in diapers, it looks like I'm still going to. Lily poops in the potty about 95% of the time. Sometimes she is running to the potty trying to hold it in and she screams "UH OH MAMA! POPE! POPE!" [I didn't think we were gonna raise her Irish Catholic like the rest of Eamon's family, but somehow...] She pees in the potty about 90% of the time, but only when we're at home. I haven't been brave [brave in this sentence could also mean "willing to get up from the table every 20 mins when we go out to eat"] enough to try it out in public, but I know the time is coming. When she misses at home, she brings over Rusty, calls him and "bad dog" for licking up [gag] the pee she just shoved in his face, runs to her bedroom to get a cloth diaper, throws it over the pee and stomps on it until it's all dry. She has a mind of her own, I tell ya!


So here's what's worked for us
1. Lily's "Diaper Free" around our house at all times, and has been since she was itty bitty. 
We've started letting her wear panties [She'll bring them to us and say "Panies?" when she wants to put them on, so cute] but she still isn't really good at pulling them down before she sits on her potty.
2. No physical rewards, just LOTS of praise.
We don't have a sticker box, candy dish, or dollar store toy chest that we let Lily dig into every time she potties. We kinda think it's weird to bribe your kid, and Lily is BEYOND excited when she brings us her little pot saying "DEE! DEE!" or "OOOOOOH!!! POOOOPE!" and we clap and give her kisses. She feels really special, and we never have to worry about whether or not we have her "reward" for her when we go out.
3. Patience.
Six months ago all of our friends thought we were insane for having Lily's potty sit out where she could get to it, and that we put her on it as much as possible. They thought we were pretty sick for having to clean up the pee/poop off of our floors too. But I tell you what, by slowly introducing all of this to Lily, her "training" has put her at the top of her class. [You know, if you want me to get all competitive mom on you...]




I feel really confident that before her birthday we'll be able to go out in public with Lily wearing panties and just have to worry about the baby's diapers, but am still kinda kicking myself over the fact that she still will be in them for these first few months.

But please, PLEASE don't worry! I'm sure there will be PLENTY more poop stories in our future. One night, after watching me sing Lily's Potty song [I sing "Lily's gotta potty, Lily's gotta potty, Lily's gotta potty, hey, hey, hey, hey! Who's gotta potty? Lily's gotta potty!" to the tune of the Little Rascal's "I got a pickle" song] Eamon told me "You know, I'm so glad we're not covered in poop anymore, but I just realized...it's about to start all over..."

Stay tuned for a super fun, awesome giveaway :]!!!

Mae

Nice to meet you! Your kid smells like crap :]

I know it's been a while but this story has to be shared without a huge "this is what we've been up to" post.

Yesterday was our first visit to our new chiropractor, Chandra Crisp. I was very excited because I've been in a lot of pain that has led to a lot of worry that has led to self doubt. I've got some weird hips that need a lot of attention [that's what SHE said] and I've gone three months without any pain relief.

So yesterday morning I head to the fabric store to get all my materials for Mae Flower's custom orders and to stock up for Christmas materials. I allowed JUST enough time to grab a burrito, get my supplies and be at my appointment in time to get my paperwork filled out. [THEIR receptionist isn't as good as I was, so she didn't send it to me before hand ;] Before I left I saw about 5 diapers sitting in a chair by the door and thought "NAH, there are plenty in the car, I won't be gone that long, I should be fine." Besides, Lily just pooped and wasn't due for another number two till the afternoon. So I left, strapped her in the backseat and went along my merry little way.

We get to the office and start filling out paperwork. Everyone's looking at Lily funny and it's starting to freak me out. "Oh, it's just because she's SOOO smart, people aren't used to seeing a baby as active and intelligible as her." Idiot.

Paperwork is filled out and we are now waiting in a room for our doctor to show up.

I hear a knock, and in comes her smiling face.

"Well hi there! Aren't you a cutie?!" She says to Lily.

She introduces herself and we exchange our children's ages. As she sits down she says.."Hmm, someone's stinky! Do you have a stinky diaper?"

IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW...I have no sense of smell...well, I have a very screwed up sense of smell. Lemons, cigarette smoke and ketchup are all on my radar...and that's about it. Sometimes if Lily has a REALLY disgusting diaper I can smell it, but only when I open it. Also, because of my whacked out nose...I like the smell of baby poop...

SO ANYWAY....

I say something like "oh probably" We had pizza the night before so it didn't surprise me if she had gas. We talk just for a minute and then she says "Umm, so do you want to go change her?" Wow...it must be really bad. I stick my finger in the side of her diaper, as she tells me not to, but it comes out clean. "See," I thought to myself "I know when my kid poops, lady." I look down the BACK of her diaper...there is poop all the way up her back.

WHAT?!?

I check my bag...no diapers.

She takes me to the changing room. I start to panic.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Everywhere shit. What am I going to do?" I start to think. I thought- "Maybe this is one of those fancy doctors offices where they keep diapers in the changing room *just in case* they get an irresponsible mother of a patient like myself."

She shows me around and leaves me to it. No diapers. Anywhere. There were some wipes, 409, and a curtain. I panic again.

"Uh, I'll be right back, I'm just going to run to the car to get a diaper, silly me forgot to put one in my purse!!!" Half laughing, half dying inside, I run/walk to my car.

Eamon just cleaned out the car.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!

I turned that dang car UPSIDE DOWN looking for a stupid diaper, a cloth diaper, a napkin, a burrito wrapper, SOMETHING to put on my kid's rear and could not find ONE THING.

I walk back into the office completely red in the face and she hands me a diaper and some wipes "I figured you couldn't find one" She said with a smile.

So off to the ill-equipped room I went again. As I'm walking in I look at the diaper. Lily is over 25 pounds. This diaper is like a size 2. Uhhhh...

I finally start to disrobe her [she was wearing a romper so I had to get her completely naked to change her] and notice there is poop EVERYWHERE. On her legs, on her clothes, on her belly. I'm doomed. DOOMED.

About a dozen wipes later, she is cleaned. And naked. Then I look at her clothes. I didn't pack an extra outfit. There wasn't anything in the car. To scrubbing I go. I take these stupid wipes and start scrubbing all the poop off her clothes. I finally start to see some progress but then realize something...WHERE'S LILY?!?!

My adorable, naked, crap smelling daughter was halfway to the waiting room, in the middle of their weight room-AHEM, N-E-K-K-I-D!!!!

I frantically run after her, drag her back in the room, squeeze her into the infant diaper, and maneuver her clothes back on her without smearing anymore poop anywhere.

By this time I just want to shrivel up in a corner with my broken hips and stinky baby and just be done with it all. But she was so sweet and we carried on our appointment anyway. I felt great! Physically, anyway. Inside I was STILL a wreck but thought "Ah, just go see Eamon at work. He should be on his lunch break and you can cry on his shoulder and tell him all about it."

We drive all the way back to TCC and get to the cafeteria. I wave Eamon down and he come says hi. Before I can say a word...

He picks up Lily and says "WHOA!!!! She smells like poop, babe!"

...Right there, in the TCC hallway I LOOOOOOOOOST it. And I didn't regain it till about 6 that evening.

Yesterday I learned that a toddler and a pregnant mother can still prove Forrest right:

"It happens!"

"What, shit?"

"Sometimes".

Have a wonderful, crap free weekend, friends

Mae