Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Dirty Little, Ahem, Huge Secret | Prov 31:27

This post is pretty difficult for me to right, but for the sake of having some accountability and share some it goes.

When we visited Austin in October, I noticed that my friend's house was like...immaculate. My husband said something about it to her and she said "Yeah...I'm kind of obsessive about it."
For a second, I thought I was a total slob.
I watched her clean up her kids toys as soon as they were finished with them, she wiped down her counters as she was cleaning, her dishes...I mean, WHAT DISHES? They were no where to be seen, except, well of course, her perfectly beautiful cabinets. She has two kiddos, the exact same age as mine, I just didn't get it.
"BUT, she isn't a photographer who was in the busiest season of her life, and she can take a break and get out of the house so it's not overwhelming, and she, and she...she isn't me." *eyeroll* Whatever, that's what I told myself. Over and over again.
Not long after, Eamon and I had dinner with some new friends at their house.
Same story. You couldn't see the vacuum cleaner lines on the floor, but you just knew that thing had never missed a day of being cleaned.
After we got home that night, I laid in bed listlessly, and tapped Eamon's arm [you know, that tap that says, "Hey, I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass, and I know that you are probably ALMOST asleep right now and this is probably gonna wake you up and make you think you're falling from a 30 story building, but I have something to talk about. Right now. At midnight."] After he realized he wasn't falling to his death, he gave me a very patient "....yes?"
"I think there's something wrong with me."
thinking that we were doing the weekly "Guess what fatal illness Mae has this week" game I got an "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah....why are we so messy?"
"Uh....are we?"
"yes, babe! We are! Why doesn't our house look like the Smith's or the Jones's?"
"Hmm...Well, we do live in apartment, ya know? We don't have any storage, you're really busy with your photography, and the kids are just messy! It's hard to keep up with them all day, no one really does that!"
See, that's what I thought. I just have a knack for picking really clean people to be friends with. Opposites attract, amiright?! *eyeroll*

So then I take pictures for these new friends of ours, sorta as just a thank you for their friendship. She loves them and asks me if she can repay me by cleaning our house while we were in Rockport.
*tires screeching*
"Uh...I mean...Is it really that bad?" She nervously laughs and acts like it ain't no thang.
I hand over the key to our apartment with way more reluctance than I thought possible.
To make matters worse, as we're leaving for Rockport, Eamon empties out our car, dumps all of everything he found in our living room, Norah has a HUGE blowout on my bed, and there's a ton of laundry that I didn't get to do that's just sitting there stinking the place up.

About once an hour on the trip I get a pit in my stomach.
"It IS that bad, Mae. She's not gonna want to be friends with you after she sees how bad it really is. You don't even have a sense of smell, you don't know how bad it smells like pee in there!"
Day by day the tension in me builds and I just don't know what to do. I bring it to Jesus and ask Him what on earth am I supposed to do about this? He simply tells me that it's time to start over. To start fresh. And it terrifies me.
I immediately remember the Proverbs 31 woman and start seeing "She does not eat the bread of idleness" my home a wreck because of this? Then I think back to looking at houses and remembering hearing in my head "You don't deserve this house, this house is too nice for you. You will trash it." I felt sick, how had I not realized that was the enemy keeping me under this bondage. And I just listened to him and accepted it as truth.

After some texts and emails back and forth to Erin, I was nervous to go home.
When I walked in the door, I felt like I was on an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I didn't even know that my house could look like that. From top to bottom, it was spotless. The pee trap of a couch was gone, every stitch of clothing and bedding we own was washed and put away, every thing had a was [and still is] so unreal. Eamon and I were humbled, embarrassed, encouraged, and hopeful.
Almost immediately, the Lord began to instill confidence and knowledge into me. He specifically pointed out areas of my life that were causing and allowing the filth to just pile up, led me to resources to find management systems that will work for our family, and created an excitement in me and even Lily to start cleaning every day. The first few days were easy. We even took pictures of the entire house before we unpacked so that we would both know how clean the house could be and use it as an encouragement. But after about day 3, I felt the idleness creep in. Dishes started piling up, dirty clothes weren't going in their hamper, beds weren't being made, spills weren't being wiped up right away, and I kinda just got overwhelmed. Slowly I started to build momentum again, giving myself little tasks here and there to keep things up to par, but by Thursday of last week, I knew it wasn't...great. Not bad, nowhere near what it was before, but not what it could be. I took the day to wash/fold/hang all of the clothes and diapers, and room by room just, DID IT! I wore Norah and gave Lily little tasks to do. At the end of the night, I got into a bed that had been made all day, looked around my room that didn't have anything on the floor, and no clothes in sight, laid down and sighed a sigh of relief. I can do this!! I can't tell you how freeing that moment was right then. There wasn't more mess hiding in the bathrooms or closets, there wasn't a sink full of dishes, there wasn't a pee diffuser in the living house was clean. ALL OF IT! And I did it! All by myself!

There are curses that have had their hold on Eamon and I that the Lord has been faithful enough to break, and this happens to be one of them. Sexual immorality was a sinch compared to this. This was harder than probably anything we've dealt with so far. I'm so grateful to be given this time that we have in our apartment to become confident in having a clean space to live in, that way when we move, it will be a much easier transition and we'll have a clean home :]
I want to encourage you to take this time in the New Year glow of hopefulness to let the Lord grab hold of the things in your life that have become too overwhelming. The things that embarrass you, that you ignore or hide away, that terrify you just thinking about them. Let God pull them out and work through you to move past it. It's going to hurt. Probably a lot, but when it's done, it's done. And you don't have that weight over you or your family anymore!

Oh, and here's something cute and completely unrelated to look at :]

Hope you all are having a great week,

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

2012 Book List

So. Our house feel through. TWELVE days before our move in date. We were super devastated but peace came quick. I think God knew what He was doing there. I'll get into that later, but I wanted to get my reading list for this year so I can be held accountable!!

So, zero parenting books will be read this year. All they do is confuse me and piss me off anyway. I have read TWO books outside of food and babies since I graduated high school. DOS. So, I will be going back to that very immature reading level. Judge me if you must ;]

1. Bossypants by Tina Fey

2. The Hunger Games 1
3. The Hunger Games 2
4. The Hunger Games 3
5. Harry Potter 4
6. Harry Potter 5
7. Harry Potter 6
8. Harry Potter 7
9. The Hobbit
10. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? By Mindy Kaling
11. Undecided
12. Something Funny

Suggestions? Reviews? I'll probably have to fill up those last two things with homeschooling books. Oh God. For a minute I forgot that Lily starts Pre-K this year. Awesome.
Happy Tuesday,

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Have Yourself...

A Merry Little Christmas <3

As promised,
here is a little video of our Christmas vacation. I'm trying to upload my 366 Project pictures now as well!

Hope you guys are having a blessed New Year so far!
Here's a look at what's coming up on the blog :]
A Home For The Burkes: It's Here
Dirty Little Huge Secret Prov 31:27
My Ittiest Bittiest

Did you have a good weekend?!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012. Let's Do This.

Wowee Zowee.
It's been about a month since my last post. Oops.
But it's been a CRAZY month, and now it's a whole new year!

We went to Rockport and visited all of the Grandmas and Paca's [Lily's word for her grandpa's. She can say grampa, but calls them Paca. It's so funny] We were blessed with the funds to go on the trip buy friends and family and then when we got home my friends Erin basically gutted our apartment and made it sparkle. It was a Christmas miracle. And...don't tell the girls...but since we were out of town and my sewing machine didn't fit in our trunk...they, err, uh... didn't get Christmas presents from us... *crickets* Ya... I mean they got the Jesus storybook bible from us and loads of toys from grandparents, but as far as Lily was concerned, it was Jesus's birthday! I'll post Christmas video soon to prove that they weren't miserable deprived orphans, but I gotta say, while Facebook was a total pain in the ass with all of the "LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR MY KIDS!" posts ...I kinda liked just doing Jesse Tree activities and baking a birthday cake for Jesus! Our plan is to gift the girls when we move later this month [more an that later...fingers crossed] and while I know it won't be this easy when they're older, it worked for us this year!

And now it's January first!
Before I get in on what I'm gonna do this year, here's what I said I was gonna do last year :]

  • Make sure my friends know how much I appreciate them 

  • Start Pre-School material with Lily after Baby comes

  • Potty train Lily at night.

  • Get down to 155 lbs by the end of the year [I CAN DO IT!]

  • Do this devotional with Eamon. [I'm reading a Sacred Marriage right now, SO good!]

  • Find a church where I can feel Jesus again.

  • And of course, meet this little person ;]

Let's see how we did
  • Check! I've been picky/cautious/intentional on who I've invested my friendship in as well as what I've invested. Girls, this year has been awesome. While I knew what it was like to have girlfriends, have mature adult relationships with other women who are raising their children is TOUGH! But letting my guard down with these few girls has allowed God to teach me in amazing ways, I hope you know how much I love you and value our friendship <3
  • ...Uh, half check? Everything I've been reading leads me to believe that Lily isn't ready for what I had planned, and won't be till after this summer, but I have started more activities with her! I really hope that this house comes through because the laundry area is big enough for a craft/classroom! So eager!
  • I looked at that way less than I did in 2010, and a lot of things were way more chaotic because of it
  • Negative, BUUUUT we have gone out several times with ZERO accidents. Pee or poop!
  • Sittin pretty at 152, ah thank you. Actually, this is ONLY because I can't eat any dessert or cheese covered anything because of Norah's sensitivity.
  • Negatory.
  • We went to our home church this month and...sigh...overcome with Jesus. But we have been to church every Sunday, including today for the past month+! Not the same one, but we're planning on revisiting the one we went to this morning. Lily went to Sunday school for the last 15 minutes of the sermon and... LIKED IT! No tears, just said "Kay mama, Love you, bye!" ...WHAT!? Whatever... ;]
  • C.H.E.C.K. Norah. My sweet, wonderful, youngest daughter. I have met her and love her like I didn't know I could. Thank you Jesus, I couldn't have asked for a better addition to our family <3

So on to 2012!

  • Participate and finish the 366 Project. Day one is already started over at my page just for it, I'll update it weekly with phone pics and for real pics. PUMPED. I'm very excited to see how the Lord shows me his mercies and blessings every. single. day this year. I'm ready for it Lord.
  • Move into a house. Like I said before, this is in the works, but just when we got the move in date, we hit a snag...praying that the Lord is working out something great.
  • Become the kind of supportive wife that Eamon needs me to be in order for the start of his business to happen successfully.
  • Become more passionate about being a respectful, honorable, loving daughter to my mother to lead by example for my girls.
  • Have 4 dates with Eamon. [2011 consisted of ZERO dates for Eamon and I. Not a one.]
  • Start Lily's homeschooling.
  • Grow out my hair before I get pregnant again.
  • Plant a successful garden.
  • Read 12 [non parenting] books.
  • Run a race.

Soon I'll post video of our Christmas adventures. Hope you all had a fantastic, peaceful holiday season. I can't wait to see what this year is going to bring!