We just finished our 13th week and are safely in the second tri!! WOO HOO!
Here's a little bit of what went on this week:
Mama got no sleep. Norah Jean has decided to snuggle with us every night and I'm letting her-for now. Soon you're the only babe I'll be able to hold in my arms and we'll cuddle uninterrupted. But for now, we share ;]
You started fluttering up a storm this week. There was one day where I hardly felt you at all. I ate a super spicy chili for dinner and when I laid down to (try to) go to sleep I felt you do little flips every time my stomach made noises. It was adorable.
I let myself (again) eat "normal" foods and find myself much more morning sickness prone than a few weeks ago. So (for real!) back to my boring, restrictive diet. We'll find out in a few weeks at our next midwife appointment how happy all this sugar and cheese and eggs makes our midwife too ;]
Baby, We went to a baby shower this week for your friend Ivy Burke (no relation, but you will be total bffs) and it reminded me of the long chains of celebrations we'll be having before we meet you. As your sister has kept me up at night with her never ending scratching, I'm still fervently praying for no allergies and no skin issues for you-for both of our sakes. I've picked out a few names for you if you are a girl, and Daddy is totally in charge if you are a boy...which is scary ;] I love you and can't wait to go on our little trip together, just me and you this coming week <3 br="br"> All my love, Mama
I'm just finishing up week 12 of pregnancy #3.
Feelin cute, feelin loved, feelin stressed, but when am I not? (the stressed part...not the cute part ;])
Trying something new with this series, haven't perfected it, but we'll see how it goes :]
I guess it's time I add a new page for this little one's pregnancy! This is where you can follow this pregnancy's series :]
So, this week: I craved sushi, mainly just the fish. I wanted raw salmon pretty much every day, and husband finally went and bought some for me and made sushi/sashimi for us last night, YUM! I weaned Norah...which meant I ate...ahem...a ton of crap that I haven't been able to eat in over a year, and I'll just go ahead and say I'm pretty much over that! I felt my mood change, my skin just felt awful to be in, my stomach...oh god...my stomach... It was not pretty people. I would totally be up for a stomach pump and colon cleanse after that...never again. Will hopefully get to the doctor soon to see what really is and isn't off limits this pregnancy to make sure #3 doesn't have a ton of allergies like another little Burke Baby I know. I hadn't gained any weight until I trashed my diet, so there's strike two for eating Papa John's and butter chicken (BUT EHRMUHGAH, butter chicken...WHO KNEW!?) I started having pain in my soaz for the first time! Didn't have it with either pregnancy, but this time it's super noticable. I'm working with my uhmazing yoga instructor on pain managment and that's helped a lot. *May* even be going twice a week.
"This morning we got our first bit of cozy cold and I wanted to snuggle up with you so badly. Lily is in love with you and tells everyone about her "Baby Brudder" so I apologize in advance if you are another little lady. I really got myself worked up this week thinking about the possibility of having another baby with severe food allergies, which gave me extra incentive to take care of us these next 30 weeks. I also realized that if you follow the same 41 week pattern that your sisters have, you may make your entrance on Mother's Day! That would be a sweet surprise indeed. All my love, Mama"
These past few months have been a time for change here in the Burke house.
Little by little, God has re-prioritized our hearts and has filled our home with love.
He's been squishing our two sweet sisters close together.
(Lily asked the other day "Mama, who is your favorite sister?" thinking she was talking about my sisters I said "Oh Lily, I love all my sisters the same" to which she said "Oh...it's not me or Nor?" tricky, Lily, very tricky)
He's grown Eamon and I so close...it's like we're falling in love all over again.
And He gave us a baby.
We are pleased to introduce the newest love of our life. This tiny little seahorse will make his or her arrival sometime next May. We know you'll fall in love with him/her just as much as we already have.
I hope you are welcoming the new season of weather changes (however subtle they may be-AHEM-Texas...) with open arms, we certainly are.
"Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of
It all started a few months ago when the landlord came over to fix our ceiling in our kitchen (the hilarity in the fact that my post about princesses starts off with my landlord is too much for me to bare). He brought his handyman with him the first day, the the second day they both brought their kiddos. The handyman told me on the first day, "Oh, I have a little girl who's outgrown so many of her toys, I'll bring em over for your girls to play with tomorrow" It was very sweet of him, and I could tell he very much missed when his girl was tiny, so I didn't object. What happened the next morning was a hurricane of pink and sparkles that I couldn't even imagine all on my own. Barbie herself would have probably been a little overwhelmed. Lily had just gone to a birthday party a few days before-her first princess party- and had been running around with this tiara on night and day since then.
So here was this sweet girl unloading Barbies, Polly Pockets, those spinning flying fairie things (oh yeah, they still make em!!) and a million tiny shoes, bracelets, necklaces, LIPSTICKS (wtf does a three year old need lipstick for?!) and whatever other tiny plastic slave made products targeted at little girls you can imagine.
Lily was in heaven.
And while the handyman's eyes glittered watching his little girl share her much loved toys, and Lily dressed Norah in 3 crowns (she kept saying "NOR!!! You such a pretty KING!!" ), an apron, high heels, and some Mardi Gras beads (...I know.) I sat by, politely(ish) staring in horror. My ceiling couldn't have been finished quickly enough. As soon as they were gone, I let the girls pick a handful of things, from a few things I picked out that were okay (things that could be used for dress up/pretend play, and could have all branding/characters taken off) and packed the rest in a box for Goodwill. Practically speaking, no child needs that many toys. Of any kind. Ever. In the history of the world.
A few more days go by and we have some friends over for dinner. They have a girl Lily's age and a boy Norah's age and everyone seems to be getting along splendidly. Until the witching hour (ahem, past their bedtimes) approaches. And then it happens. One little girl starts crying, and then they are both crying (Lily and her friend are both overly sensitive and have a flair for the dramatic) and it's time for parents to sort through the hugs, spit, tears, and tangles to find out what happened.
It all came down to Greedy McLily Pants. Apparently the bajilion crowns that I decided to keep (for the express purpose of having plenty to share with her friends when they came over) were simply not enough for Princess Possessive to share. Eamon got down on her level and said
"Lily, we can share your crowns so you and your friend can both be happy, or you can keep your crowns, be in trouble, and have your friend be sad."
Lily, without a second thought answered the question over and over
"I want her to be sad."
Well. That's that. She cared more about this piece of plastic than her friends' happiness.
So, daddy took away all the crowns, and in the trash they went. (This is where we look like the psycho parents...whatevs) Lily cried and cried and cried, but she understood.
The whole ordeal got me really thinking about "Princesses"
What did I "know" about princesses as a child? They were entitled to all that was good from birth. Their defiance and feelings for a boy that resulted in disobedience (specifically against their father) was always justified. Their mother (if even around, let's face it, Disney loves dead mothers for some reason) never understood her heart, nor did she want any good to come to her. Her heart attitude was not an issue, because even if all of her beautiful clothes were taken away, as long as she believed she was beautiful (because that's what makes a princess) that she would get all of her beautiful things back.
So when Lily a few days later found a stow away tiara and paraded around the house saying "LOOK, I A PRINCESS!" Eamon and I quickly stopped her and told her "No, you are not a princess because you are wearing a crown."
We sat her down and told her what a princess is.
A princess is a King & a Queen's daughter. That is all that she is. What does she do? She trains to be a queen. She is under her mother's watch to learn how to be a Queen, if not over the kingdom she is in, the one she will rule over one day. She learns her manners, learns how to treat the people in her community, learns to oversee the affairs of her home, is shown how to properly serve her King, and also how to rule in the King's absence.
As I am explaining all of these Kingly duties to my wide eyed little girl, I realize I am my daughter's Queen. That these responsibilities lay on my shoulders. That she is a princess, and that while she is in no way entitled to any earthly inheritance, she is promised a Kingdom of everlasting life with the most glorious King who has ever reigned! Our Heavenly Father! Oh how my heart sang thinking of preparing my child to rule the godly kingdom of her one day home, all to serve the greater Kingdom of Heaven.
While the weight of the materialism that is the "American/Disney Princess" is a little less intense, my desire to teach my girls the value of this verse:
"Your adornment must not be merely external -braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God"
1 Peter 3:4-5
is only amplified. My desire to see Proverbs 31 women (a most Godly queen under the Lord) come up out of my home makes my giddy with excitement.
Hope you're having a fantastic week, Mae ***I absolutely do not want this to make any of my mom friends who disagree with this, or just haven't thought about this issue like this to think I think less of you, or don't want our girls playing together, or that you have to hide the Cinderella dresses when we come over, just don't expect to find them while you're here ;]***
^This gem was brought to you by my oh so intelligent, accidentally hilarious three year old.
Two weeks ago as I was pulling supplies in for our "class" I said "Lily, we're starting school next week"
"OH. MY. GOSH!! MY SCHOOL?!"
"Yes baby, I'll be your teacher and you'll be my student." "OooOOOooh, you the teacher, I the stupid!"
I should have just returned everything I bought from Teacher's Tools and Mardell's right then and there, but, I soldiered on ;]
This year we are kind of just seeing how Lily learns. We're using a little bit of Charolette Mason, Montessori (go read this blog!), and a little bit of traditional education (as that's what I went to school for). Have I gone a little bit overboard since she's only three? ....maybe. BUT, I am only giving her what she is ready for!
Every morning she helps me prepare breakfast (including some knife skills, setting the table, serving her & her sister's breakfast). Then she cleans up breakfast and we get ready for the day's lesson. Eamon and I came up with an easy curriculum plan and have activities planned out for each day. Lesson's are about 20 mins long, then we continue to use the rest of the day to intentionally teach her as we cook and clean.
We recently got a cool front in and it was actually 75 degrees this morning. A whole 30 degrees cooler than some afternoons have been here recently. YIKES. Here's a peek at what school looks like around here :]
(just a little proof that I actually put SOMETHING up in my room...)
Right after I was saved, this was my favorite song. I'd listen to it over and over and over again, pretending to understand every word.
A cat came drifting onto my porch from the outside cold And with eyes closed, drinking warm milk from my bowl Thought, "Nobody hears me! Nobody hears me! As I crept in so soft And nobody sees me! Nobody sees me!" As I watched six steps off
Like peacocks wandering the walkways of the zoo Who have twice the autonomy the giraffes and the tigers do Saying, "No one can stop me! No one can stop me! No one clips my claws. Now everyone watch me! Everyone watch me scale these outside walls!"
Oh you, pious and profane Put away your praise and blame Said, "A glass can only spill what it contains" To the perpetually plain, the incurably inane A glass can only spill what it contains
What new mystery is this? What blessed backwardness? The Immeasurable One is held and does not resist! Struck by wicked words and foolish fists of senseless men The Almighty One does not defend
I was halfway listening to what she thinks she knows We're like children dressing in our parents' clothes Saying, "Nobody knows me. Nobody knows me. No one knows my name. Nobody knows me. Nobody knows me. No, nobody knows me."
I half-heartedly explained But gave up peacefully ashamed A glass can only spill what it contains We went to Portugal and Spain And in her mind the entire time it rained A glass can only spill what it contains
What new mystery is this? In overflowing emptiness The Invisible is seen among the shadows and the mist Before my doubting eyes the Infinite appears in time The Unquestionable is questioned but makes no reply
What new mystery is this? What new mystery is this? What new mystery is this? What new mystery is this? What new mystery is this? "My Rabbi!" My lips betray with a kiss What new mystery is this?
A few years later, as revalation has struck, my heart is hurt, I put it on repeat, for old time's sake.
I went to a worship service for women last night, trying to shut my brain up long enough to actually listen to what God had to say. We took a "heart inventory" as one of our exercises of things that drained our hearts (things that put us in spiritual traps) and things that fill us up. Things that fill me up are: A happy husband, newborn baby lips, good food, sex, golden light, that color purple that streaks down green stems on flowers, girly giggles, creative movies, the list goes on.
That one wasn't very hard (and praise Jesus for that, there have been times where it has been!) but then the next list, the list describing what drains us, where are sin lies, where we are apart from God, it was easy to write, but hard to come to terms with: I'm harsh to overcompensate so I won't be walked all over.
I have to have control over situations- if I don't, who will?! When I'm not in control, I have anxiety spirals. "If I'm not doing this then this will happen, and then this won't work, and then we'll be late for this, and it will throw off her bedtime, and then I won't get any work done, andthenandthenandthen...." I'm vain. To a fault. I used to care so, so, so much about how I looked because it wasn't good enough. I wasn't thin enough so I wasn't beautiful. But now, NOW, I'm thin. Now I can fit into those skinny jeans. Now I have people DAILY telling me how jealous they are of the way *I* look, and I'll be damned if I don't. If you see a mirror within 20 ft of you, you bet you'll see me in it. And don't worry, if you don't see that mirror, I'll go find it. Shit, look how much I just elaborated the fact that I consume myself with *me*. Attractive...
and after milling over and over in my head how all of these things are connected- I came to this:
I have to prove my worth.
To who? To you, to your mother, to my neighbor, to my husband, to my mother, to my friends, to my children. TO THE WORLD. and least importantly, to my God.
To prove to you that I know what the hell I'm talking about, I will dish out the bitchiest, most graceless comeback you've ever heard, and cry when you call me out on it. I will take control over the situation, whatever it is, to prove you can count on me, and that I can do it better than you. I will make sure I look as attractive as possible when I'm out in public to prove to everyone my youth wasn't wasted on my young motherhood, that I can still satisfy my husband, that I am as cool as my friends, and that I'm most certainly not concerned with appearances... I have to prove that my "mistake" of a back ally pregnancy that is my physical conception is worth my every breath. That I'm not failing my physical mother, nor that I am exceeding her expectations. I have to prove to the asshole that knocked her up that little half-breed me made something of myself, and dammit, I'm one of the best at what I do.
All of this falls like a rotting 50 pound bag of garbage right in my lap, it's stench absolutely nauseating.
At this point I'm spinning while my brain is rattling off the tiny details, hurts and wrongs of my heart when I hear the woman speaking say
"No one can steal your joy, unless you give it away."
Romans 8:38-39
And I think, "AHA! YES! It is her fault for being too trusting with me, I can't help it if she got hurt." And then I think "... I guess it's my fault, for giving her my joy"
So then back to praying I go when the speaker then says
"Death and Life are in the power of the tongue"
Proverbs 18:21
And it hits me. How much have I killed with my words? All those times I did not encourage, I did not breath life into my friendships with words... All the times my over compensating harshness has overshadowed the Grace that Jesus has given me.
What do you do? Where do you find balance?
And that brought me right back to this song. "A glass can only spill what it contains"
*I* can't do it. Controlling, bitchy, vain, broken me CAN. NOT. do this. When *I* do this, what pours out from me is sour vinegar, not precious sweet wine. What flows from me leaves stains that can be scrubbed away, but penetrate deep. Only the One that can wash those sins away can cover all of these areas of my life.
So a few weeks ago, it happened. All the planning all year long, and it actually freakin happened.
I was flown out to DC to photograph "The Great Nurse-In" in Washington, DC, and local nursing mamas. It was actually a very quick trip since I was so "go go go" the whole time I was there, and I'm still working on the pictures for all of the mamas I got to meet, but I figured I'd take a break and edit a few personal photos.
(Nursing @ 30,000 ft, Puppy enjoying some juice, "bubbles" (or clouds as they are known to the rest of us)
(norah bein a skinny lil' toddler and patiently hanging out while I shot as soon as we got in)
(rad headboard at the hotel, sorbet from room service, N & Puppy crashed)
(ridin on the metro, vegan muffins at an adorable little bakery, sneak of a shot from a mini session)
(gorgeous spread at the Eastern Market where I had my second mini session, I can't wait to share these images-they are some that I have wanted to take my entire career, and it just...happened!)
(made it to the Capitol just in time for the event)
(sweating our booties off after the event, came back to the hotel for some r&r, went to the National Portrait Museum before dinner with our amazing hosts)
"I'm going in, Mama!"
"JUST KIDDING!!!"
(Me "Norah!!! SAY CHEESE!!" Norah, "NOOOOOO!!"
(desert after dinner)
(Best cupcakes of your life. Vegan, some gluten free, DELICIOUS. We ate all three. Then and there. I am not ashamed. Much.)
(that night we went back to the room, recovered from my diabetic coma, snuggled, watched Phelps dominate the Olympics, and got ready for another day of metro hoppin and picture takin)
(breakfast with Puppy back at Eastern Market. apparently this was "Have a gorgeous, entertaining, international accent day" at the Bakery, I felt super classy, y'all)
(photo bombin' all my mini sessions. no but really. lots of photoshop happening people. lots.)
(more metro, bfast, and airportin.)
All in all, it was a fantastic trip, and I feel *so blessed* to have been able to go. I'll be back with a link up to all of the pictures from the weekend.
In other news, God definitely is moving and shaking things up in this house. And it's been awesome. We started homechool this week too. WOO. It's never ending in the Burke house, I tell ya ;]
