Sacrifice

Little blog, sorry for neglecting you...again. I have been making flowers for spring. And by updating I'm actually putting them off, so there. You're my dirty little secret tonight.
Ok, so a few weeks ago I read a blog post from one of my internet friends. It was talking about how determined she was to not fall into the mindset of "I'm a mom, I'm gonna look frumpy".
For a few days her words of rebellion and determination rang in my head, NON-stop. I kept thinking "heck yes I'm gonna get my body back, and better than it was before! Straight up, no excuses.
My friends who had their babies [some TWICE as big as mine!] and lost their "baby weight" within the first few weeks really discouraged me. Lily has grown faster than almost any baby I know, from MY milk so that should be taking the weight off... Everyone told me this would probably happen too "Yup, he just sucked the weight RIGHT off of me." And while nothing of the sort has happened, I was yet again discouraged.
Then there was the "It takes 9 months to gain it all, it'll take at least that to lose it". Guess what? I'm almost 8 months into this, and after initially loosing 20 pounds, I've actually gained weight. EVEN AFTER doing a cleanse. We RARELY eat out, and I make 3 homemade meals a day.

???

So then God decides to remind me of something I wrote months ago. I said "We say we will sacrifice anything for our babies, but when it comes down to it- we are selfish" At the time I was talking about breastfeeding in public [actually stopping in the car on the way home from the store] I was so fed up with moms saying "I can't do ____ anymore because of her" or "Ever since he came along, _______ hasn't been an option" And it's always so damn self pitying!

But there I was this morning, looking at myself in the mirror. My belly hangs over my hips. The stretch marks go from the top of my hips to right above my belly button. My boobs, the only thing on my body that I was happy with, look like nothing more than...well jugs. Jugs of milk. [I'm actually crying right now!?!?!?!? UGH!] I thought "Man, I had problems taking maternity pictures before, I won't be able to take any belly shots with the next baby..." and "I wonder if people can see my stretch marks through *this* shirt" [Mine are really deep and there are a lot of materials I can't wear anymore]

So after getting over myself, I remembered what I had wrote "Didn't you say you would sacrifice anything to have this baby?" I did. I said I would do anything to grow a healthy embryo into a healthy baby, birth a healthy newborn, and continue to grow a healthy toddler. Why didn't I understand sacrifice of my body was part of that? Sure, having a baby constantly on me came up, but not having the body I wanted never did. I have to eat the way I do to produce healthy milk. I can't work out rigorously like I would like [and that would be effective] to work the weight off because, well as far as time goes, I'm a single mom.

Today I want to pray over all of the moms out there who are fighting the fight to be happy with their "new" body. I pray that you do everything you can to be healthy and to keep your baby healthy. I pray that this sick culture will have no pressure over you and keep it's distance from your life. I pray that you can find happiness in your body.

Sorry for the rant.

I plan on resuming regular blogging beginning next week after my shop is updated.

mae <3