My Life in Bullets

Alright, I'm followin the trend!

• My pregnancy dreams are getting out of control! One minute I'm in Thailand fighting off snakes, the next I'm back home gettin dirty- Draper style, and the night before I was kidnapped trying to get my twitter followers to call 911 for me. I have an over active imagination sometimes...
• Go freakin comment on my guest blog on Mommypotamus!!!! NOW! I can win my own blogger domain, a fancy schmancy blog, and hosting for a YEAR!
• Lily is a trash digger. No for real. We haven't been able to fill up a trash can in so long because she gets down in there and pulls out egg shells and banana peels and general gross things.
• I've gone to bed the past two nights before 9 pm while reading. And I'm not ashamed.Which leads me to my next bullet...
• I read, and loved The Shack. Lemme be REAL honest for a sec...I didn't want to read it because most of the people that rave about it are way more wholesome than I and think that any representation of God where He doesn't have a white flowy beard, balding head, pudgy tummy and sit on a thrown on top clouds is just OUT THERE... So I was EXTREMELY skeptical going in. But man oh MAN...it challenged me, broke me, helped heal some DEEP wounds, and entertained me for a few nights. All that said...go read it!
• Yesterday, I'm not exactly sure what was going on, but I became quite fearful for Baby Love's life...weird cramps and contractions but no spotting. I had great friends and my midwife praying for me and it all stopped shortly after. What a relief! I can't believe I doubt God even though He blesses me unconditionally.
• Tonight there Ann Crowell and I are hosting a Baby wearing demo and Cloth diaper show by Hip Green Baby at the Gentle Beginnings Birth Center in Hurst! If you are in the area, COME SEE US! 7 pm!
• I feel my sexiest and most confident when I'm pregnant. Yup...apart from the first few weeks of "No way, you did this to me, GO AWAY" and the last few weeks of "Nuh Uh! Nothings comin in here till this thing comes out!" my husband is a very grateful man when I'm pregnant. As a result we are on the same page A LOT more..and who wouldn't be happy about that?!
• My upstairs neighbors moved...no...for REAL! I am going to dedicate a post to them soon and maybe even write a book about them...but Lily and I watched ecstatically from the window as load by load they moved stuff down from their apartment. It's been a nightmare ladies and gents, but I'm glad it's OVER!
• Sometimes I wish I was more secure in my racial identity...or lack thereof.
• Go read this right now. I'm sure there are a lot of you out there can relate...I laughed a good bit during the entirety of this!

Ok all, have a GREAT, FANTASTIC, GORGEOUS, BLAHBLAHBLAH weekend ;]

Mae

GUEST BLOG-DIGITY!!!

I know, I know...I'm an awful blogger. But YOU try throwing up, cleaning poop, breaking up interspecies fights and blogging all at once.

But I will be back this evening with a short update of how everything is going.

IN THE MEANTIME....

The Mommypotamus is on maternity leave, but she didn't want to leave her readers bored. So she opened this amazing contest to help her out. She's having a guest blogger every day for a few weeks to give her a break. The person with the most comments on their blog post gets their very own fancy schmancy blog and their own domain FOR A YEAR!!!

People, I'm the most hilarious, beautiful, wise woman you know! And a pathological liar at times...but that's not the point. Go to my post [it's open for comments til the last blogger blogs!] and comment your heart out!!!! Get your friends to comment, your cat to comment, or even that person in high school that you dread will one day find you and want to be your friend even though they were evil to you...to comment. [My brain is...much too crowded today...]

Get to gettin!

The Young & The Pregnant

And yes...I realize that my post may be the only one that isn't breaking new ground on "scientific analysis of why organic blah blah blah does blah blah blah for the blah blah blah" or that it isn't as sentimental as "why my baby's head smells better than anything in the whole wide world"...it's still awesome. GO COMMENT!!!!

See ya lata!

Mae

Labor Day Pictures

Even though today's weather is no indication, yesterday's was absolutely perfect. We went to the lake with our friends Katie and Dusty and their little boy Henry.

The Browning/Burke gang

I don't know WHY this picture is so big...but whatevs, she's amazing.

Henry, Lily's boyfran

BFF's

Skinny, tall family...

Short chubby family...that forgot their swimgear :] We got in anyway!

The men fished...or something like it [Eamon was behind the camera, so no pics of him :[

All in all, we had a great day. Food plus water makes for a happy pregnant lady :] Hope you all had time to relax with your families!

Mae

Labor Day Weekend

Today we went to a water park :] I've been looking for something like this ALL SUMMER, but Eamon found it yesterday...the day before it closes, of course. So today we went to Freebird's, ate like kings [uuuuuuh...I have never in my life had trouble eating a bird, but man OH MAN...this was hard...Little One had me barf-bound all day.] and went to the park for a few hours, it was GREAT!

We didn't get many pictures because we were having SO MUCH FUN, but I did get this picture of Lily eating her "Baby Bird" [the lady that made hers wrapped it like a burrito so I looked in our bag and there were two regular sized burritos and one itty bitty one...almost died] during her break [AHEM...during the "mama just made a huge ass out of herself and busted her lip and almost drowned in the kiddy pool...I wish I was making this up] How could you not love her? HOOOOW?!?!?

And here's a belly shot of this week :] I've still got a lot of extra skin from when I lost all my baby weight that I'm still not too happy about, but hey, shake whatchya workin with, right?

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend!!!

Mae

"M" Is For...

Morning Sickness:

It is never ending. But my poor husband and Lily now know when it's coming. They know if I say "Aw Man!!!" [or something else that I sh

ould NOT be saying around my daughter] and start running for the bathroom it's time to grab the peppermint oil, cup of water, and come hold my hair. Last night I g

ot caught in a viscous cycle of dry-heaving...it was awful. I thought I was gonna die...[actually, what I was thinking is that "Why is it that I puke so much but I don't have a six pack?" my abs are SORE from these stupid upside down trips the the toilet.]

Madmen:We've got the fever...For real. We got rid or our basic cable to cut back on expenses and got a Blockbuster trial...I just want to watch it forever. There's a little too much sexy sex, but it's not "HBO bad." I thin

k if more people knew what kind of TV characters I drool over...they'd judge me...BUT I CARE NOT! Don Draper, you bad, BAD man...I love you. You too, Joan.

Milk: Weaning Lily is going great. She goes all day without any milk. Last night I came home from yoga and Eamon had Lily fed, bathed, and was rocking her to sleep! SHE SLEPT ALL NIGHT!!!! It was amazing indeed.

Mommypotamus: The Mommypotamus [aka, my friend Heather] is an amazing blogger. She just announced the most awesome giveaway ever in order to have continuous guest posts on her blog while she's on "blog related" maternity leave, as I call it. GO CHECK IT OUT!!!

"M" was also supposed to be for Monday... but I didn't get a chance to finish this yesterday ;]

And this is what my dreams look like...Minus Kate Suckling, Randy Jackass...but somehow Jimmy Fallon does slip through...

Have a great Tuesday all!!!

Mae

How To Wean A Tiger Lily

Do you see this face?

Tired, worn out, one might even venture into the realm of "to' up".

And this face?

This is Lily.

Going through withdrawals, I'm sure of it.

So what if I picked the worst pictures that I've ever seen of either of us...

It has been 72 hours since we started weaning. She has nursed [briefly!] only twice in this time [only bc I couldn't remove two very painful clogged ducts with my pump. Babies are the best suckers ;]

WHY

The short answer to this is: It didn't feel right anymore. For those of you who kept nursing your 5-546 year olds...you won't know what I mean. But for those of you who have unfortunately shared this experience...you know what I mean. I never thought I'd be so physically distraught because Lily was nursing, nor did I ever think I'd cry after getting over the first few days of newly nursing, but I was and I did.

HOW

Whenever we go through something new with Lily, I usually bitc...talk about it on Facebook, usually to comments saying "Let me know how it goes! I've been trying to do that with Soandso and NOTHING has worked!"

I have to say...I have never been a fan of that logic. There are a few exceptions, but most of the time that I get that "We've tried everything" it means they've tried two things, each for no more than a day, it didn't work right away, so they gave up. And it always annoys the crap out of me when they complain OVER AND OVER again about how they'd wish soandso would do suchandsuch when they never really tried.

So when it came time for Lily to quit her habit, I decided cold turkey was best. I know my family so well and anytime anyone tries to wean themselves off anything in my family...it never works. Wanna quit drinking? Don't buy anymore beer. Don't drink anymore beer. Stop smoking? Stop buying cigarettes . Don't smoke any cigarettes. Wanna get your 3 year old to stop sucking on a retarded binky? Throw the damn thing away. Don't buy any more binkies. I wanted to get Lily to stop breastfeeding. So I stopped breastfeeding her. That's it people. That's how it works. People write dumb books and make million dollars off of dvd series on what's the "Godliest way to Sleep Train your kid" but if you want something done, pray, and do it. SERIOUSLY. It sucks for a few days, but it will get better.

After the first 24, my boobs were bigger than Ms. Dolly Parton herself. I thought about taking a picture, but then thought my blog would get all sorts of unwanted attention. They were like...alien eggs. You could see all of the ducts and it was just freaky.

Ok, ok, enough about the physical details, right? How are we doing emotionally?

Better than I thought I'd be in some ways, worse in others.

I never, *ahem* NEVER thought I'd wean Lily. Mom's who wean their babies are selfish, uncaring, biatches who don't know what's best for their kids...said stupid me. I always thought about what a beautiful gesture of affection breastfeeding was for Lily, and for all babies. I always just assumed that with the lack of breastfeeding there was a lack of affection. What I failed to realize is that affection has to be shown in more creative ways. Kisses, holding, reading, sweet moments just sitting on the kitchen floor playing with pans, talking about what "Russ" could possibly be thinking about in his little dog brain have all been a lot more frequent around here.

That's all been wonderful.

The crying, hitting, scratching, and outright unrulliness of the first two days were not. I thought I was gonna break. But we've come out of it. We've gone to bed, taken naps, and even recovered from a Rusty V Lily battle...all without nursing.

I think we're gonna make it. I'll keep you posted on how we're doing in the meantime. I also want to thank you all for all of the supportive emails, phone calls, comments on FB, you've been rad and a half!!! Which reminds me....YOU ALL NEED TO COMMENT HERE!! There's a comment section for a reason ;] Don't be scurred.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Mae

5 Reasons I Can't Be a Model But Still Want To.

Since I was a little girl I can remember standing on my dresser [Ala, Vanessa from Little Mermaid] posing, pretending to be a famous model. Why? I have no idea. I was an awkward, short, hairy, halfbreed [and still am] And over the years I got the memo that most girls get stating that "my kind" need not apply for such beautifully shallow careers. When I realized I would never be skinny, it made it that much easier to just take this memo and pass it on to others.

So this morning when my yoga teacher said she could see me "becoming the face" of her prenatal yoga class, I blushed a little. It was seriously the most flattering thing anyone's ever said to me outside of my bedroom. Am I being a little crazy, uh, yes. Do I have an overactive imagination? Most days. But man, oh man, did this get me thinking. How cool would it be to be a pregnant model? I could be one of those bellies for the "before" on a stretch mark ad, or a model for American Apparel with all of their tattooed models that look like they probably smell bad...IT COULD TOTALLY WORK. But the more I thought about it, the more likely I am to be pictured in the downward dog position with my ginormous boobs blocking my face by a friend for her yoga company...sigh.

Want proof?

5 Reasons I Can't Be a Model But Still Want To

5. I have no racial identity. People look at me..."is she white? Is she meskin? Is she Thai? What the eff is she? I don't want to buy these shoes..."
4. I hate being naked...or "having the illusion" of being naked. [In front of people anyway...] I hate that being a model means you have to be naked or simulate nudity. It's gross. I don't want to see your bony ass, or boobs that look like they couldn't sustain a baby mouse, or your rib cage that resembles a twelve year old. And I SURE AS HECK don't want to see you dry humping someone else..male or female. And if I don't want to see you do it, chances are I'm not going to want to do it.
3. I'm a whale...OF A GOOD TIME!!! ...Ha? No but seriously, I have no motivation to be skinny enough to be a fashion model. And "Plus size modeling"...ya, that's a whole nuther bowl of cheerios...
2. I don't know how to SMEYES, or "smile with my eyes" as Miss Tyra says. BTW, Ty-duh, "Smile With My Eyes" In no way shortens to "SMEYES" I guess when you're a millionaire you can make up words like that and no one will question you.
1. I hate everything about materialism. Expensive lighting equipment, ugly clothes that could pay off my college loans, endangered species being worn as hats and thongs, and million dollar bras all make me vomit. [But I love everything about hair and makeup...who's production costs could probably cure AIDS, but whatever...]


So...it looks like I will never be a model. I guess I will just stick to cleaning house with a baby on my boob and one growing in my womb for the rest of my life...
Have a good Monday ;]


Mae

PEE ESS.
Eamon got the job :] More details soon!