Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Today was...weird.
It seems like I'm going through another time of transition, and this one is going to be long too. Something I learned from my labor with Norah though, is that I dare not fight it.

Lily cried almost every time I nursed Norah, which lead to me putting Norah in her swing a lot [and using a pacifier...shoot me] Norah couldn't sleep for more than about 15 mins since 2 pm, and couldn't nurse for more than 5 for some reason [I FINALLY got her to sleep an hour ago by strapping her in the Moby and rocking her. I'm terrified to take her out and try to go to sleep myself though.] and I feel like I'm at a breaking point, but actually have no idea what that means.
I've had some amazing friends ask to take Lily so Norah and I can get some rest, but it's been such a hard thing to deal with. Since we don't have any family here, Lily's never been anywhere without Eamon or me. So we have to deal with, "No, I promise she'll bring you back" on top of  "No, we aren't sending you away because Norah's here" on top of  "Please don't kill my child with peanuts, here's the Epi-Pen." I just don't know what to do at this point.

I read on another mom's blog recently

"But then, I remembered some advice I had heard a long time ago about bringing a new baby home and having an older child (or children) act out.
You put the baby down as soon as your older kid's behavior has reached a point where you need to act, and you take care of the situation. You discipline. With the same firmness and resolve you would have if you didn't have a newborn in your arms.
Your baby will probably cry.
Oh well! 
It's really not the end of the world.
You show your older children that they can not walk all over you, and then you go pick the baby back up again and continue nursing/soothing/smooching the wee one."

and dangit, I have been, but I feel like I've been ignoring my maternal instincts to a certain extent. All of a sudden I have a baby who wants to sleep in a swing and suck on a pacifier...uh...NOT MY KID!! It feels weird, it doesn't feel like I'm being the mom I know I can be, the mom I was for Lily, the mom I WANT to be for Norah. I feel like I'm sneaking in moments with Norah between telling Lily "No", cleaning up her messes, and trying to keep her from freaking out.

I know this is probably all very temporary...but I'm very ready for it to be over...
Oh transition...


Des said...

I'm so sorry, I hate that feeling of not feeling you are doing your best with your kids. I get that a lot with my 2 year old son who is extremely strong willed and it really takes its toll on my emotions. BUT the bottom line is you are doing your best right now and doing all you can do. "this too shall pass" So keep your chin up!

rachel.lyn said...

oh my sweet, sweet friend...let me just tell you something. i went through this SAME exact thing when i brought Willow home. i was never fond of a pacifier either but found that it was very comforting for her when i could not hold her. she still loves the thing, though now she is using her tiny little thumb more.

but anyway, yes, put her down if you need to. she will be okay. she knows you love her. and don't be afraid or feel guilty with letting someone take lilly off your hands for a bit. i did the same. i dropped olivia off with my sister-in-law (who she rarely sees!) for a couple of hours just so i could get some time with willow. i left feeling soooo guilty about it. i literally had to sneak away and not tell her bye so she wouldn't get upset. those first couple of weeks are so tough it's all you can do to not rip your hair out sometimes.

you will never be able to dote on her the way you did with your first. and that is okay too. she will get that extra attention in other ways..like from her older sibling :) and she will be all the better for it! there are so many times lately where i have had to put willow down somewhere and walk away to pay attention to olivia and i've gotten to the point where i realize it's just what i have to do. i am not wonder mom and i don't have two sets of arms (as much as i wish i did sometimes!). yes, sometimes she will cry her little eyes out, but most of the time she will just talk to herself because she has learned to be content. she is such a mellow baby...so UNLIKE her sister, and i truly feel like it's because i haven't been able to be in her face all day, wondering how she is feeling, or what she is crying about, or all the things you stress over with your first. she is just content to BE :)

it's hard trying to find the balance between the two of them but you will get there in time!

i'll be praying for your time of change...it is only a season. it does get easier <3

Whittney said...

Ok Mae, gonna be totally real with you! Let go of any issues you have with a swing and pacifier! There is nothing wrong with using these tools even if in the past you've thought them to be inferior and unnecessary. Avery slept in a swing for all her naps for the first year of her life, sometimes for 4 hours at a time! And she also used a pacifier after I let go of my prideful "A good nursing mama NEVER uses a pacifier" when we were traveling and it was the only thing that put her to sleep. On the flip side, Henry didn't like either of them (woe is me!). My point is that using these tools doesn't make you a lazy mama and your kiddos are different! So, Norah might really like the swing and that will free up more time for you and Lily. You're doing a great job. Will be praying for you during this hard transition.

Chelsea said...

I have a few friends who watch the little man for me when I have photo jobs or dr's appointments and i do the same as rachel. I leave without saying bye because it means less or no tears. Usually he's too busy playing to notice me when he realizes he has a new play friend for a few hours! You're doing a great job! Don't be hard on yourself! Just go with the punches and know that your strength and confidence comes from above and he will never leave you. Like you said, it's a transition, it will get easier.

Love you.

Mae Burke said...

Thank you ladies :] I know I can do it, sometimes at 11 at night while the rest of the family is asleep, I like to vent ;]
Whittney, I KNOW, I KNOW. I have so much pride and worry myself with silly things like "if she has the pacifier, I won't know when she's hungry" [stupid] or "if she's in the swing, she won't get enough skin to skin" [less stupid, but still dumb] I 'm workin on it though!