Well, being in and out of sanity the past 12 hours has done a number on me!
I feel the need to sorta, hang it out to dry and move on, so you, my readers, shall pay the price ;]
At about 3/4 this morning Lily threw up all over the bed. I was so sleepy, and didn't really think anything of it. That girl puts so many un-edible things in her mouth, it surprises me she doesn't throw up more. So I nursed her a little bit and she snuggled right up to me and went to sleep. I woke up this morning at the normal time with her and went to her room to play. I usually lay in the twin bed to try to wake up while she plays. But today, instead of wanting to "read" her books, or play tag with rusty, or build towers, she just got on the twin with me. I thought "YES! SLEEP!" And we woke back up at about 9:15
When we woke up, she was on fire! Ok, not like flaming baby, but her little head was burning up. I got out the thermometer and took her temp. 102.
Hrm... What's going on?
I try to let her play some more, be herself. I took off her diaper, tried to let her cool down some, and her temp came down a little. GOOD. But then, after feeding her, and giving her lots of skin to skin, it rose, and rose, and just kept on rising.
One of the hardest things for me to do since becoming a parent is learning not to please everyone.
That was a hard one to write... By nature, I need everyone around me to be happy about every decision I make-every employer, teacher, babysitter [lol] I've ever had, has told me this. Since Lily's conception, nothing could be truer. With almost any decision I make I receive one of two arguments:
***I wrote these two responses and realized that I was judging these women just as much as they are judging others, so I edited that bit out ;]***
These are both reactions I get when I ask for prayer over my daughter's health, seriously?!?!
After much debate, we decided to take Lily to Cook's Children hospital. Her temp was up, but she showed no "symptoms" Just loss of apatite, uber sleepy, lethargic. I feared UTI.
We checked her in and I started feeling awful about my decision, fearing what my "crunchy friends" would think of me.
Poor Lily was in pain, and the nurses didn't help. We got the head shake, tisk tisk, and eyebrow raise from our doctor for not immunizing her, which didn't help.
She got an "in and out" cath. I'm tearing up just thinking about it, but I can NOT risk her having a UTI and not knowing. My sister was hospitalized and died briefly from a UTI when she was just a few months older than Lily is now. I didn't look, but Eamon was such a great daddy. He held her hand and tried to sooth her. He was our rock.
The UTI screen came back negative, so they drew blood. Another moment for our knight in shining armor to come through for us.
It ended with the doc telling us it was just a 72 hour virus. If it lasted longer than that, come back. UGH. But the peace of mind that she didn't have a UTI from the diapers that I use calmed my spirit.
The thing about sick babies is that they demand all of your time and energy. I told Eamon I hadn't spent that much time with her since the day she was born. And I loved it. There was no fighting me to get down and play with her toys, no pulling my hair, no screaming. Just pitiful pouts, nursing sweetly, and cuddling. It was heart breaking and beautiful all at once.
Well, that the long and short of it. We made it NINE MONTHS without sickness, so proud of my little girl for handling it so well!
Mae
5 comments:
i can't stand it when my baby is sick. it's one of the hardest things ever to watch. good for you for taking her in and giving yourself some peace of mind. As a mother, you have instincts and there is nothing wrong with following them!
anyway, thank you for the sweet comment on my blog. really, it means a lot :) i for one, love your blog and will now be stalking you to! haha
-Rachel
Hey - I read this before we laid down to sleep and its been bothering me so much. Not what you wrote per se, bt how we both felt about our situations this week.
ALL DAY Wednesday (and the better part of Thursday) I completely beat myself up for NOT taking Kenlee to the ER Tuesday night when her fever hit over 104.
I could see in my head over and over her shaking and hot. I kept hearing in my head all the moms that over-reacted and went to the ER and I didn't want to be one (since we have NEVER been over 101 with Kai I've never been here before). My motherly instinct said to go and as i packed up and the temperature dropped so quick after Motrin (yup i did it), the Holy Spirit put me at ease through the night and I saw the dr in the morning.
So, why was I beating myself up?? My child was fine, I listened to the HS, I did what I knew to do bath, liquids, motrin and skin to skin and the fever came down. I got to the Dr as soon as I could the next day and am giving her the antibiotics.
I was beating myself up because of what other would think. In fact, that whole 48 was what would others think. What would the dr say if I came in too early, what would the ER, what would the crunchies say about motrin/antibiotics, what did my friends think about my mothering for NOT going to the ER??
I hate that part of mothering. The what will others think? Are they judging me? And why do we think that -- because we ourselves do it! That really resonated in me that I was judging myself because I judge others...that was a hard pill to swallow.
We are moms our job is to take care of these babies how WE see fit. Not how our moms, dads, neighbors, friends, etc see fit. What works for you may not work for others. What convicts you may not convict others....the main point is that we do it all for the benefit of our children.
And I'll be stepping off my soap box. I was actually going to blog this myself so don't be surprised if you see it. And I know you know all that I'm not saying it to you as I'm repeating it to myself but I just hate that we both initially thought about others opinions...you know?? Am I going anywhere with this or making sense??
Thanks Rachel! I look forward to getting to know you ;]
Amanda,
You were in my prayers A LOT that day. I don't have my old phone, so I don't have your number, but I wanted to call you and pray with you so, SO badly. If you EVER need support again, call me.
I think we both learned a lot through this.
Gotta say, I totally agree with Amanda. You and Eamon are Lily's parents. God gave you the authority to make the call and He will guide you. Love you, girl!
Glad you shared this Mae cause I have TOTALLY been there. What will my crunchy friends think? What will my nurse friends think? It stinks to worry about being judged by our choices. Our one trip so far to Cooks was a HARD call for me to make...in fact I prayed that Austin would continue to vomit if I was supposed to take him... how insane is that!!
Anyways--glad Lily is doing better and glad you got that one "milestone" done. I am hoping it will be easier next time I'm in the place to make this decision again!
Post a Comment