This Little Light of Mine

At about 12:30 yesterday I said to myself

"I must have actually gone to sleep last night. And died. And went to Hell. Crap."

My lack of sheer terror should have proven to me that I was talking crazy, but for about 45 seconds I was totally convinced.

Here's what happened.

Tuesday Night
8:15 come home from an awesome sushi date with two of my mama friends sans Lily and hubby. I noticed that the lights downstairs are on and that there is furniture inside. "Oh, new neighbors" I round the corner to the stairwell and get completely bathed in the most disgusting smelling cigarette smoke I've ever smelled. I try to hold my breath as I go up the stairs, but I can't stop coughing. I want to scream "IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT CRAP IN YOUR HOUSE, WHY ARE YOU SMOKING IN THE STAIRWELL SO IT CAN GO IN MY HOUSE?!?" But I figured I should actually introduce myself first... I come in the house and vent tell Eamon about our new fumigators. I said "All I've been praying for is that downstairs will stay empty til the baby comes!" like a selfish 5 year old that just had her cookies taken away.

10:00 We're turning in to bed, and all I can hear is their tv. I'm trying my hardest to not sigh every two seconds...but it's not working. Eamon says "Mae, hey, listen to me." UUUUUGGGGHHHH...hate when he does that, it always means "I'm gonna say something you hate, but I am right and you know it." he said "You're not gonna like this but," told you so "This is gonna suck. It doesn't matter who they are, having downstairs neighbors is gonna suck. They are gonna be noisy, they are not gonna care about us, and they are going to annoy the crap out of you." I rolled my eyes thinking "Yes, that's easy for you to say, you can sleep through this..I CAN'T!"

11:00 No change in volume from their tv.

12:00 I go into the living room to try to sleep, but I get shaken every 20 mins by them going outside to smoke EVERY TWENTY MINUTES. Get a hold of your addiction people... Go suck on...well, something else, if you need something in your mouth that often.

01:30 Yup, I'm crying now. Hormones plus pure frustration equals one weepy mama

02:00 I head back into my room to see if it's still going on. YUP. I head into Lily's room since the twin is more comfortable, but The noise is just as loud.

02:30 Eamon finds me in Lily's room. The show they were watching downstairs changed and was like TEN times louder, it actually woke Eamon up.

02:45 Eamon goes downstairs to tell them to STFU, but no answer.

02:55 Their tv woke them up [THEY FELL ASLEEP!?!] so they decided to turn it off. Whatever... Eamon and I can't go back to sleep just yet so we're talking about what to do next.

03:45 Lily wakes up. WHAT?!? WHY?!?! She's been sleeping through the night for ages now...ugh. I bring her in my bed bc she's all of a sudden terrified of hers. She decides that it's the perfect time to tell me all about her adventures and why I'm a "Ba-ba-BAD DOG"

05:30 Eamon's alarm goes off. Neither of us were able to sleep with Lily in the bed. [Because she wouldn't keep her gab shut] Eamon goes off to work.

06:30 Lily finally goes back to sleep, and so do I.

Wednesday
09:00 We wake up. I think I'm not gonna make it through the day, but just go through the motions. I get Lily dressed and find something that fits me.

10:00 Bible study. I look like a hot mess, I can barely contribute to any conversation...but I'm glad to see everyone.

11:30 We come home. Our electricity's cut off. SON OF A...WHY!?!?! I spend the next hour or so on the phone with the phone company with a hungry toddler and a hungrier mama.

1:00 I give up on making lunch and order out.

2:00 The power comes on and lunch arrives, PRAISE JESUS!!!!


Somewhere between yelling at the automated phone service and eating lunch, I found myself laying on my bed with Lily singing to/with her. I decide to teach her "This Little Light of Mine" She loves it so much and starts singing her version of it with me. I then found myself singing my own version of it.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine.

Hide it under a ash tray? No! I'm gonna let it shine

Hide it under a ash tray ? No! I'm gonna let it shine

Hide it under a ash tray? No! I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine.

Don't let crack heads blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine

Don't let crack heads blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine

Don't let crack heads blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine.

and so on...

There we are, with the power out, cracking up on my bed, singing the most ridiculous song I've ever heard. In that moment I felt Jesus more powerful than my circumstances. Yup, we live next to drug dealers. Yes, some days I feel like I'm covered in cigarette ash just from checking the mail. And yeah, there's been those nights where I've been kept up by Tupac, Selina, and the moaning of my neighbors doing it. But am I really going to let those things put out my light? Put out the light that I've SAID Jesus has put in me? I felt quite silly at the moment. Not only because I was teaching Lily to sing about crack heads, but because I felt so...flimsy. Like the strength of my faith depended on my surroundings and how comfortable I was.

Today, with the house a complete wreck from not cleaning up a dang thing yesterday, and with a full night's [pregnant woman's] sleep, I'm gonna KEEP letting my light shine. You should do the same :]


Mae

Don't forget to go help me with my Birth Playlist! I'm getting some good ideas!